


The Choices We Make

by Amalgam000



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Post-Episode: s07e25 Endgame (Star Trek: Voyager), Post-Season/Series 07 Finale, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:47:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 75,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27662921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amalgam000/pseuds/Amalgam000
Summary: Upon Voyager’s return to the Alpha Quadrant, Chakotay is approached with an offer from Starfleet to go on an undercover mission in exchange for a pardon. His decision has deep repercussions for his relationship with his shipmates, and especially with his captain. Post-Endgame; Post-series finale; Angst; Romance; Action/Adventure; Chakotay-centric.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Comments: 59
Kudos: 88





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings! Well, it seems like social distancing has been very good to my muse – I’ve never been this prolific – 3 novel-length fics in 8-9 months, that’s a record for me!
> 
> I hope you like this one; it’s a little different and more angsty than some of my other stories. I got bold and went places I’d never gone before (and no, get your mind out of the gutter, that’s not what I’m talking about ;-) ). If it seems a little implausible at first, please, bear with me! 
> 
> Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager and its characters are the property of Paramount/CBS. This is for entertainment only – I make absolutely no money out of this! 
> 
> Without further ado, I hope you enjoy!

PART 1: THE HINGES OF DESTINY

“ _We make choices every day,_

_some of them good, some of them bad._

_And if we are strong enough,_

_we live with the consequences.”_ ~ David Gemmell

**Prologue**

Chakotay let out a long exhale as he all but dragged his feet to his quarters. No matter how roughly or how often he rubbed his fingers over his eyes, the sting of tiredness behind his eyelids remained.

The whirlwind of events that had finally led them back to the Alpha Quadrant – a future version of Kathryn helping them out, destroying the Borg hub, their risky escape through the conduit – were finally catching up to him. It had all happened so fast that Chakotay was still struggling to wrap his head around the fact that they had made it at last. Voyager and her crew were on their way to Earth now, but it would be a few days before they reached the solar system.

The first few hours of their return had been all about celebrating. Impromptu parties had erupted all over the ship, with no regards for whether it was supposed to be night or day time. However it didn’t take very long before duty – in the form of Starfleet communiqués and requests for briefings and updates – called the crew back to order. Now most of them were caught up in the frenzy of preparing the ship for the return to Earth: running diagnostics, inventorying cargo, and for the senior officers, briefing Starfleet on tactical developments, security measures, engineering updates, proficiency reports… The list went on. As the captain, Kathryn seemed to bear the brunt of the to-do list. Though she had made a couple of appearances at the celebrations, she had spent most of her first couple of days in the Alpha Quadrant locked up in her office, busy writing up crew evaluations, assessing all the reports coming in from the department heads, and most of all, briefing Starfleet top brass about her seven-year command. _Facing her peer’s judgment of every decision she had ever made_ , she had told him wearily earlier. Chakotay could only imagine what that must be like, so he tried to lighten her burden as much as he could, taking as much off her plate as she allowed him to.

For Chakotay, it hadn’t taken very long for the initial excitement to wear off. Now that the adrenaline and endorphin rushes were over, he found himself increasingly concerned about the future. _His_ future. He still hadn’t heard anything concerning what Starfleet planned to do with him and the rest of the Voyager Maquis, and that worried him. He knew Kathryn was fiercely advocating on their behalf, and they had built a dossier together a few months before, when Admiral Hayes had asked her about the Maquis. But the Powers That Be were still debating, and neither he nor Kathryn had heard anything official yet. Chakotay had done his best to push his anxiety and dread aside since their return, but… it loomed over him so big that it was nearly impossible not to think about. His own Damocles’ sword, hanging over his head.

And it wasn’t the only thing weighing on his mind either. Despite Chakotay’s best attempts at reassuring her, Seven had grown distant over the last several days. Part of it was probably because of how busy they both were at the moment; Seven had been caught up in Starfleet protocols just as badly as everyone else. She had been dividing her time between the Astrometrics lab, where she briefed Starfleet Command about her charts and discoveries, and Engineering, where she lent B’Elanna a hand with all of the diagnostics and briefings while B’Elanna took some time with her newborn daughter. All of these were valid reasons for not spending time together, but Chakotay’s instincts told him that there was more to her distant behavior: she was allowing them to drift apart on purpose. The worst part of it was, he didn’t seem to mind as much as he probably should. And he couldn’t tell whether that sentiment – or lack thereof – was only his anxiety about the whole Maquis situation speaking, or something else.

Not even bothering to turn on lights as he stepped inside his quarters, Chakotay made his way to the replicator for some tea, thoughts still in turmoil and his mood darker than it should be, considering what they had achieved over the last few of days.

Just as he was coming back around to the lounge area, his computer beeped with an incoming video transmission. Curious as to whom might be contacting him at this time, he sat down at his desk with a sigh. He turned on the live feed and his frown deepened when he realized the transmission was encrypted. Suddenly a strange sense of foreboding clenched his stomach.

A handsome middle-aged woman wearing a Starfleet uniform and vice admiral pips on her collar greeted him on the screen. “Commander Chakotay.” Chakotay had never met her before so his curiosity instantly turned to dread, twisting his insides painfully. This could only be about the Maquis situation.

Chakotay nodded cautiously in greeting. “That’s right. How can I help you, Admiral…?”

“Mendez. Admiral Eva Mendez, Starfleet Intelligence. I apologize for the unexpected call, Commander. Please, let me be among the first to congratulate you on your miraculous return to the Alpha Quadrant! I haven’t read all the reports yet, but the story has been spreading like wild fire through the Starfleet grapevine.”

Starfleet Intelligence? His day had suddenly gotten decidedly strange. He nodded in acknowledgement of her small talk and congratulations, but his unease grew with each passing second. “Thank you.” He left his words open, making sure that she could hear the question and mild confusion in his tone.

She nodded. “I see you’re wondering why I am contacting you at this time. Straight to the point; I can do that.” She tugged down on her uniform as she straightened. She appeared to be sitting on a black couch aboard a starship, but Chakotay couldn’t tell anything else beyond that. “We are aware of your… situation, Commander. As a former Maquis, you must be aware how much you are risking by returning to the Alpha Quadrant, aboard a Starfleet ship no less. Starfleet Command is still trying to determine what to do with you and the other Maquis abord Voyager.”

“I know all of that,” Chakotay nodded slowly. “I’m more curious to know what this has to do with Starfleet Intelligence.”

She leaned her elbows on her thighs to clasp her hands together, bringing her face closer to the screen. “Nothing. Except that I might be in a position to help you, if you’ll hear me out.”

Help from Starfleet Intelligence? That couldn’t be good. Chakotay couldn’t stop a humorless chuckle from passing his lips as he shook his head. “With all due respect, Admiral, whatever it is – I think I’d rather take my chances with the Judge Advocate General.”

“Of course, I understand your reluctance, Commander, but I don’t think you realize how much trouble you’re in. Your captain is doing her best for you, but as I’m sure you are aware, a treason charge has no statute of limitation. Best case scenario: you get pardoned and you can go on with your life. Worst case scenario… You face the risk of exile to a penile colony, imprisonment, or worse. And unfortunately, from what I hear it’s only a matter of time before Captain Janeway receives orders to turn you all in.” His expression no doubt reflected a mix of incredulity, frustration and anxiety at the barely veiled threats, because she went on. “Of course you have every reason to doubt me, Commander. Ask Captain Janeway yourself – she’ll tell you the negotiations with the Judge Advocate General’s office on your behalf are not going well. One of the perks of someone in my position is that I am well informed.” She gave a lopsided smile. “Another one is an ability to help your case with Starfleet Command.”

“Why? Why are you offering to help me?”

“I wish I could say I’m doing it out of the goodness of my heart, but unfortunately, the fact is, I would require your assistance in exchange.”

Chakotay was tempted to terminate the communication then and there, but a little voice in his mind urged him to keep listening. Despite his skepticism and disdain for the admiral’s back-handed approach, she had managed to rouse his deeply-rooted fear by dangling his future in front of him. Because he _knew_ , deep down, that it wasn’t looking good for him, despite Kathryn’s efforts. He’d seen it in her face every time she had talked to him recently – the strain in her expression. So maybe he should at least listen to what this admiral had to say. If anything, it would make a fun story to tell Kathryn later. “Fine, let’s hear it,” Chakotay conceded tiredly, rubbing at his eyes again before dropping his hand. “What would I need to do?”

She gave a satisfied nod. “It’s rather simple, really: we have an undercover mission under way that requires a man of your skills and experience. We believe you to be an ideal candidate for it, given your unique training and background. If you accept to complete this mission for us, we will work with Starfleet Command to have them drop any outstanding charges against you.”

Chakotay gave a wry smile. “Just like that.”

“Well,” she smiled indulgently, “it will take some doing. And I should point out that the mission is not expected to be a walk in the park. But we believe a man of your caliber and experience should have no problem completing it safely. In the meantime, I will use all of my influence – and that of my division – to appeal to Starfleet Command on your behalf. Between Captain Janeway, myself, and your reputation, I believe we will be able to turn the tides in your favor.”

Chakotay studied her for a moment. “What’s the mission?” He had to admit, he was more curious than he cared to show.

Admiral Mendez inhaled, then leaned forward again, her expression turning into a frown of mild concern. “Over the last several weeks, vessels from the Federation, Ferengi, Bajoran and many others have been the victims of sabotage and theft near the Cardassian border. The Dominion War has left a lot of people desperate in that area, and we believe this is the work of a new but professional criminal ring that is taking advantage of the political vacuum. They seem to be targeting mostly starship weapons systems and power sources, and so far there have been very few casualties. While incidents such as these do not usually fall under Starfleet’s jurisdiction, we fear they may jeopardize the balance in the region, as various factions would like nothing more than blame each other for the thefts. We hope to find out enough about the perpetrators to nip this in the bud before it gets out of proportion. But there is also Starfleet security issues to consider. These criminal crews are somehow able to board Federation starships, steal valuable technology and information, without anyone noticing. So here’s where you’d come in, Commander: we want you to infiltrate one of those thieving crews and gather intel on our behalf. And if the opportunity presents itself, we would like you to identify the ring leaders and report their identity to us, or their location.”

“An infiltration mission on the Cardassian border,” Chakotay repeated the admiral’s words slowly, still slightly incredulous that this was what his life had come down to. “I don’t understand. Let me ask you again: why me? Aside from the fact that my freedom makes for a pretty good leverage to get me to accept? I’m sure Starfleet Intelligence has a whole line-up of operatives much better qualified.” Or maybe they needed someone expandable to do their dirty work for them….Chakotay thought bitterly with a shake of the head.

“We’ve read your file; your past as both Starfleet and a Maquis, your familiarity with the Cardassian border and the Badlands… In addition, Captain Janeway has been speaking very highly of you in her recent reports, praising such qualities as your moral character, your ability to make people trust you, your drive to do the right thing, and your leadership skills. All of that makes you an ideal candidate for this mission.”

Chakotay smiled wryly. It was as plain as the nose on his face all of the various strategies Admiral Mendez was using to get him to accept – threat, praise, any time now she’d call on his sense of duty – but she was calling the big guns by drawing Kathryn into this. He shook his head. She must have misinterpreted his gesture because she went on.

“But we are not asking you lightly. We understand the risks involved. Which is why you would have the full support of my division, and we would of course have an exit plan for you, should problems arise or the mission become too dangerous to pursue. What we require in exchange is utmost secrecy; because this is an infiltration mission, you would not be allowed to share any of it with anyone. And of course it would require you to leave Voyager. At least, temporarily. We can provide you with a cover story, should you need one.”

Leave Voyager without telling the truth to anyone? Without explaining his reasons to Seven? To _Kathryn_? The thought was almost laughable, but… A part of him was tempted. So tempted. And he hated himself for it. But he was so bone tired of the dread, the fear of retribution, the _not knowing_. This whole thing that loomed over him made him resent the fact that they’d made it home, and he hated that. He hated that he couldn’t rejoice with the rest of the crew. With Kathryn. So the simple hope of living the rest of his life as a free man, in the way he had grown used to on Voyager, was beguiling.

But even more enticing was the simple urge to be _doing_ _something,_ to take his future into his own hands, even if it meant going undercover and putting himself in a risky situation – right now that sounded better than the helplessness he felt knowing that he had no say whatsoever in his fate. True, he wasn’t particularly keen to leave Voyager and all the friends he’d made here, yet, given the alternative… And then there was that standstill he’d seemed to have come at with Seven. Maybe some time apart _would_ do them some good.

They said that choices are the hinges of destiny – well Chakotay was definitely facing that swiveling door right now. And he didn’t have a clue what to do.

Admiral Mendez saw his hesitation and leaned back in her chair. “Think on it, Commander. We are willing to give you a day to make your final decision. We only ask that you do not discuss this with anyone until then, least of all Captain Janeway. Secrecy is essential. Lives are at stake, both civilians and Starfleet. Should you want to get in touch with me, I am sharing an encryption algorithm for you to use. I hope to hear from you soon, Commander.”

The transmission ended with a blink, turning his monitor to black. Chakotay sat there for a long time, staring at the blank screen.

It was only after several minutes of mulling over the same arguments over and over in his head that the admiral’s words about how much they wanted _him_ truly registered. At first he had taken it as flattery to better manipulate him into accepting, but now… He couldn’t imagine that _any_ division of Starfleet would ask for _his_ help unless they really were desperate. So perhaps the fact that Mendez truly seemed to want him personally gave him some leverage in the negotiation. It hadn’t escaped his notice that Admiral Mendez had mentioned only _his_ charges, but perhaps Chakotay could use whatever power he had to ask that the other Maquis be freed from their impending charges as well. If they needed him as badly as the admiral had claimed, he might as well use it to his advantage.

And if doing this could help his friends and shipmates – rather than merely saving his own skin – he considered it his duty to give it some serious thought. Not for his sake, but for B’Elanna, Miral, Ayala, Chell, and so many others – all of those who had put their faith in him from the beginning. If there was a way for him to save them from the Federation’s retribution, he had to try. He couldn’t let them down now, not after coming all this way.

But the first thing he needed to do – before he could even consider considering it – was check the source and find out as much as he could about the situation on the Cardassian border. He activated the computer again and started researching Starfleet’s database for any information on Admiral Mendez, or reports about the thefts. If he could confirm at least parts of her story, it might lend a little bit more legitimacy to the whole thing. He doubted he’d be able to find any information that she didn’t want him to find, but it would be a start.

And then he could make a more informed decision.

~~o~~

Chakotay startled when the chime to his quarters rang.

He straightened to look at the time and winced – both from the lateness and from the stiffness in his neck and back from sitting motionless for so long. He’d made some progress though. Mendez, it seemed, had spoken the truth about the situation at the Cardassian border and he was inclined to agree that something had to be done about it. He wasn’t sure whether _he_ should be the one to undertake that task, but the idea – the possibility – was slowly starting to take hold in his mind. That is, if he could get over some of the major, obvious, caveats that still tugged at his conscience – like the fact that he would be leaving Voyager without being able to tell the truth to anyone. To Kathryn and Seven. To B’Elanna and Tom and Harry.

“Come in,” he called as he hurriedly gathered his notes and put the PADDs away in his desk drawer.

The door opened. Expecting it might be Seven, he did a double take when he looked up and found Kathryn hovering by the threshold, her silhouette backlit with the light coming from the corridor. He hedged around his desk to meet her, frowning curiously, unsure whether her presence meant that he should be on high alert. “Captain, something wrong?”

Her lips curved into a smile – it was a rueful but good-humored smile – as she raised her hands from behind her back, revealing a bottle of wine. She raised a challenging eyebrow. “Only if you tell me you don’t need a drink as much as I do!”

He hesitated for a second – he still had research to do and it felt strange to share drinks with her in his quarters given his relationship with Seven, never mind how platonic it would be. But then it occurred to him with a painful pang that _this_ might be the last chance he would get to enjoy Kathryn’s company for a long time, regardless of his decision. This line of thought, along with Kathryn’s hopeful expression, made up his mind.

He returned her smile and moved aside to let her in. “You’re in luck, Captain. A drink sounds really good to me too, right now,” he said as he rubbed his hands over his face, as if it would help dissipate the accumulated exhaustion and anxiety of the last few days.

“Oh? Anything I should know about?” She asked curiously as she made her way to the lounge area while Chakotay went to get two glasses and a bottle opener. She took a seat on the couch, and when Chakotay gave her the opener, she uncorked the bottle and poured them each a glass.

Chakotay let out a long sigh as he took the seat next to hers and leaned back into the corner of the couch so he could rest his arm along the back. “Maybe later.”

She handed him his glass and their eyes met briefly as they clinked, then took a sip. “You’re right, let’s not talk shop for a while. We’ve made it back at last, we deserve a break!” She declared as she relaxed into the couch as well, crossing her legs. They drank in silence for a moment, until she spoke again. “I can’t help but notice that you haven’t started packing yet.”

Chakotay followed her gaze around the room. “It’s been so busy, I haven’t had a chance yet. You?”

As she told him the funny story of how her packing plans had kept getting interrupted over the last couple of days, they easily fell into their typical, companionable, end-of-day conversation rhythm. Kathryn seemed more than happy to provide most of the conversation tonight, which suited Chakotay just fine. He was content to just listen, and enjoy her company. It had been a while since they’d talked like this, and he realized now that he had missed those moments. He had missed her. More than he probably should.

It didn’t take very long for them to finish the bottle she’d brought, which had apparently been a present from Captain Picard’s own winery to congratulate her on their return, so they moved on to a second. By then the alcohol in Chakotay’s veins was making him mellow, almost to the point of being able to relegate any thoughts of leaving and undercover missions and indictments all the way to the back of his mind. At some point he slouched down a bit so he could prop his feet up on the coffee table, ankles crossed, and his hand holding his drink on his stomach. Meanwhile Kathryn moved to sit sideways on the couch to better face him, her legs curled under her, her elbow propped up against the back of the couch and leaning her temple against her knuckles. While the wine made him feel comfortably drowsy, Kathryn, on the other hand, only became more animated with each sip. Chakotay often found himself smiling at her vivacity, at the way her skin flushed and her eyes sparkled with wit and humor as she spoke. He’d always loved that gleam of passion in her eyes when she spoke about things she felt strongly about. That was one of the many things he’d learned during their quarantine time together, a lifetime ago, it seemed.

They were about halfway through that second bottle when Chakotay remembered that he needed to ask her about how her talks with the Judge Advocate General were going. To see whether Admiral Mendez had spoken the truth about that too. This unwelcome reminder of what would likely come next in his life completely shattered the sense of calm he had found. But he needed to know. So he waited for a break in the conversation, and when the opportunity arose, he inhaled sharply, his gaze directed at his glass, and asked her, bluntly, how it was going.

Kathryn’s face fell at the shift in the conversation, and the sudden heaviness that seemed to hang over their heads. She looked at him for a long moment, her eyes wide and shining, before suddenly redirecting her gaze down to her glass. Her voice was raw when she spoke. “I wish I could have good news to share with you, Chakotay. But the truth is, I still can’t tell. And my instincts tell me that it’s not a good sign that it’s taking so long for Starfleet Command to decide.”

This confirmed what Mendez had told him. He felt the walls of the room close up on him a little bit more. And suddenly the fork in the road seemed to narrow down to only one possible path: he would have to accept Mendez’s offer. Part of him balked at the idea that he would essentially be skirting around the consequences of his past actions rather than facing them as he should, if he were truly honorable. But he couldn’t just roll over either, especially since there was more at stake than his own life. Besides, it was only one mission, it wasn’t that bad of a bargain, was it? And it would only be temporary. Once he was done with it, he would be able to return to his life. As a free man. As a man freed of worry, and liberated from a past that he had dragged behind him for too long, like a ball and chain. It wasn’t that bad of a deal, all things considered.

He almost convinced himself.

Chakotay let out a long sigh into his glass before taking a sip. “I know. That’s what my instincts tell me too.”

Oblivious to his thoughts, Kathryn shook her head apologetically. “I didn’t want to bring it up with you before I actually heard anything.” She paused, but when she spoke again there was a bit more pep in her voice, as if she was trying to convince herself of the silver linings. “But you know,” the back of her hand swatted his shoulder, “it’s not over until it’s over, as they say, and I won’t give up, Chakotay. I can tell you _that_ with certainty, at least.”

Chakotay smiled gratefully, though it probably came out strained. “I know. And you know I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me. But I’m glad you told me. It’s good that I know what to expect. This way I can start thinking about a back-up plan.”

She blinked in surprise, angling her head to better peer at him. “What back-up plan?”

Realizing his slip, Chakotay shook his head and reverted his voice to his earlier bantering tones. “I don’t know yet! But I suppose I should start thinking about one,” he said as he lifted his glass to his lips.

She reached out to touch his knee, a gesture meant to show her support. Chakotay had learned a long time ago not to read anything into these kinds of touches; Kathryn had always been a tactile person, who liked touching the people she cared about. True, she seemed to do it a little bit more than usual tonight – touching his hand, patting his arm, teasingly slapping his shoulder – but he attributed it to the fact that she’d consumed her fair share of wine within a relatively short amount of time. But in spite of his best rationalization, it didn’t change the fact that her hand felt searing hot through the fabric of his uniform.

Doing his best to ignore how her hand seemed to spark tendrils of heat through his veins, Chakotay merely gave her another tired, grateful smile instead. She patted his knee twice before she pulled her hand back. He watched as she busied herself with refilling both their glasses.

Their eyes met again when they clinked their glasses once more. Her gaze remained on his face as they drank this time, though. At first Chakotay looked away, but feeling her gaze linger steadily on him, he met her eyes again. Something in her expression was suddenly more open, more intense, _more…_ and he didn’t dare – didn’t _want_ to – look away this time, as if he’d miss something crucial if he did. He couldn’t stop his gaze from watching, roaming, taking in, as if studying her familiar features for a second longer would allow him to decipher a long-lost mystery. Or allow him entry into her soul. And all the while, Kathryn seemed to be doing the same.

Suddenly he was aware of how close they were sitting together, with her knee touching his thigh, her elbow resting against the back of the couch not too far from his shoulder. Her fingertips tangled in her hair, her lips red from the wine.

When she spoke, her eyes still steadily watching him, breaking the suddenly palpable silence between them, her voice was low-pitched and rich. It sent an involuntary thrill through him. “You know Chakotay, if I were bolder and less afraid of the consequences,” she started quietly, just above a whisper, “I’d use the drunken excuse to tell you that… that it scares me to imagine you taken away from me. You have no idea how much. I’d not only lose my first officer and closest friend, but my anchor. My moral compass.” Her voice cracked but she pushed on. “I can’t – I don’t _want_ to – imagine what my life would be like without you. I know I’ve told you this before, but I’ve never meant it as much as I do now.”

With his heart suddenly thundering against his ribcage and a lump lodged in his throat, Chakotay opened his mouth to respond, but every reply that crossed his mind seemed inappropriate or wrong or just not enough. He urged to tell her that he felt the same. He wanted to tell her how much it meant to him to hear her say it. But how much could he reveal when he was currently in a relationship with another woman – no matter how frosty at the moment? How much could he tell her about how long he’d dreamt of hearing her say something like this, when he’d all but made up his mind to leave in the near future, and for reasons he wasn’t allowed to tell her about? How much could he say without betraying himself? And how much could he _not_ say without being cruel? He mentally cursed at her timing. If she’d opened up to him only a few months earlier…

Finding his mouth dry, he cleared his throat. “Kathryn, I-”

There was blur of movement in the corner of his eyes, and suddenly her lips were pressing against his, her warm hand coming up to curl around his neck, scorching. Marking. Chakotay was so surprised (and inebriated) that it took him a full second to realize what was happening. That Kathryn Janeway, _his_ Kathryn, was kissing him. He had all but given up on the hope that she… And then it took him another second to remind himself that he should definitely _not_ be sighing in pleasure against her mouth, or desperately wanting more, or enjoying the taste of wine on her lips, or breathe her in, or let his heart soar with such unadulterated joy. Her lips pulled back, but her forehead and cheek nestled against his for another long, poignant second as they shared a breath. That contact – both affectionate and passionate at once – was almost more revealing about her feelings for him than the kiss itself. It nearly shattered his heart with the tenderness of it.

So all in all, it took him about three seconds before his reason kicked in and he remembered why there were warning bells sounding in his conscience. So he pulled away. Slowly. Gently. His heart and his body screaming to silence his brain and return her kiss instead. “Kathryn,” he managed to croak before he licked his lips, tasting her, his forehead still against hers, raising a hand to gently push against her shoulder while he leaned back a little bit more. “I can’t-”

He saw it the second it dawned on her that he was pushing her away. It nearly shattered his heart to pieces to see that hurt and mortification cross over her face. She leaned back sharply and swallowed, closing her eyes as if it would help her find her composure. “It’s true then…” she whispered, her voice raw and unsteady. “You and Seven…I didn’t dare to believe…” She retreated completely from his personal space and turned her head away from him. Her hand shook when she stretched her arm to set her wine glass down onto the coffee table.

“Well yes, but that’s-”

She shook her head, raising her hand to stop him. She jumped to her feet and all but bolted for the door. When she reached it she paused. “There’s no need to explain, Commander. I should be the one to apologize – I forgot myself. Needless to say it won’t happen again.” She plastered a smile to her face, but it looked so fake it almost broke Chakotay’s heart to see it.

Chakotay jumped to his feet to follow after her, to stop her, to explain, his heart bursting for her to understand his whirlpool of conflicting emotions, but his head spun from the wine and he almost tripped on the edge of the coffee table. “Kathryn, wait – we can talk about this.”

Her eyes seemed to shutter as she shook her head again and she opened the door. “I assure you there’s no need, Commander. Good night.”

Chakotay almost followed her out into the corridor, but there were too many potential witnesses around – even as this time of the night – for the type of conversation they were likely to have at this point. In the end he could only watch her retreating back – the squared shoulders, the chin held high, her hands clamped into tight fists at her side, the head shaking from side to side as if mentally reprimanding herself.

All the while Chakotay’s lips burned where she had touched them with hers.

He kicked himself for not seeing this coming. But how could he have? It wasn’t that long ago that she had moved in with a man she barely knew, or that she’d enjoyed a relationship with a holodeck character. And she had given him absolutely no sign that she’d had a change of heart about her damn parameters, or her feelings. True they were back in the Alpha Quadrant, and while that did change _some_ things, as far as he knew her self-imposed rules still applied, regardless of where they were in the galaxy. So what had changed? Why hadn’t she said anything before now? Because if he had known… 

A part of him wanted to be mad at her, for expecting him to wait for her, to be at her beck and call, when she had spent years holding the line, making it clear that nothing could happen between them. But he couldn’t find it in him to be angry, not when all he could see in his mind’s eye was the distress and shame in her eyes as she’d retreated.

When he stepped back into his quarters and the door slid behind him, he reined in the sudden urge to hit the wall to let out his frustration and instead rubbed his hand over his face. How had his life become so messy and complicated? Just a few days ago he’d known exactly where he stood and he’d been happy. Content. But now…

Still standing in the middle of the room in frustration, his eyes wandered back to the computer monitor. He had made his decision earlier, about accepting Mendez’s offer, so that’s what he should focus on, he reminded himself sternly. He had to think of the Maquis, his friends and crewmates. He wouldn’t be gone forever, and once the mission was over, he’d be able to fix this, all of it, but for now… He had to focus on making sure that his comrades got the freedom and recognition that they deserved. Then, and only then, would he feel like he had the right to think of himself.

With newfound determination – tinged with self-directed anger and frustration – he stepped to his desk, sat down, and composed an encrypted message for Admiral Mendez.

_I look forward to traveling and meeting new friends,_ the message read.

_I only have one condition: that my old comrades be allowed to find the same liberty as I will be getting from the experience._

_If you agree, then I’m ready to meet whenever you are to discuss travel plans._

He clicked “send.”

oooOooo

More to come soon...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *waving white flag* Okay, before I go duck behind my furniture, I do have a couple of comments!
> 
> In my other STV J/C fic “Louder Than Words” I basically went with the option that Chakotay didn’t go for here, that is to say, to face the Federation and stand trial for his past as a Maquis (feel free to check it out if you haven’t already!). So I thought it would be interesting to see what would happen if he was offered a back door instead… and thus this story was born. I’m aware this might feel somewhat out of character, but I do think he would do it in a heartbeat if he thought it would help his fellow Maquis. As for Kathryn acting the way she did, all will be explained, if you allow me a bit of creative license with the characters. I told you I got bold with this one!
> 
> Secondly, I considered making this a “Section 31” kind of story, but almost everything we’ve seen about Section 31 in the various ST series showed those agents as villains or borderline villains. In this story I didn’t want Starfleet Intelligence to be bad guys – but spies and undercover agents who believe they are doing the right thing, doing what they can to protect the interests of both Starfleet and the Federation. So that’s why I decided to go with the broader “Starfleet Intelligence” division rather than Section 31.


	2. Chapter 2

_Six weeks later_

“WATCH it!”

Chakotay heard Katan’s warning, but the man needn’t have worried. Chakotay pulled on the controls just in time to send their ship into looping maneuvers and away from the incoming torpedoes. He easily evaded them and the two torpedoes collided into each other instead, creating an explosion far behind them.

“Whoo, that was close!” Punjan cried excitedly as he craned his neck to see where the torpedoes ended up.

Chakotay ignored the dark-haired brothers and focused on the task at hand. Two more torpedoes were coming their way, which to Chakotay’s way of thinking, was quite a reasonable response from the Starfleet ship they had just raided. As part of Chakotay’s very first job with the thieving crew he had been tasked to infiltrate, the gang had successfully stolen two containers of refined dilithium from under the starship crew’s nose. When the officers had realized what was happening, it had been too late. Being new to the Wraiths (as the gang called themselves), Chakotay’s job – for now at least – was to pilot the ship and make sure that they didn’t get seen as they approached their target, or get hit when they escaped after the deed was done. They were now right in the final stage, as Chakotay maneuvered their ship away from the Federation starship and the torpedoes they fired at them.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Katan growled at him, far from sharing his brother Punjan’s excitement at their narrow escape from the torpedoes. In his early thirties, Katan was the leader of the Wraiths, and the one that Chakotay ultimately had to prove himself to. The man was smarter than his rugged looks would suggest, but he also had a bad temper and a tendency for violence. Chakotay’s hackles had raised the moment he’d met him; the brutal gleam tinged with craziness in his eyes had reminded Chakotay of too many Maquis who had joined the fight for the pleasure of the kill.

“Stop yelling at him!” Jem came to Chakotay’s defense, throwing a nasty look in Katan’s direction. “Let him concentrate and do his job!”

As he’d reported to his handler as soon as he’d made contact with the thieves, Jem was a shapeshifter. But her favorite form (or default form, Chakotay wasn’t quite sure how it worked) was that of a pretty teenage human female of about 17 or 18. Though she was (or appeared) the youngest member of the crew, her shapeshifting abilities made her extremely valuable, but also extremely difficult to grasp – both physically and psychologically. She was one of the gang’s greatest assets when the time came to infiltrate their targets as she was able to camouflage herself in various races. So far he’d seen her take various human, Cardassian and Klingon shapes. Interestingly, she seemed somewhat more honorable than the others; she was usually the one intervening when Katan pushed his brutal ways too far. And for some reason, Katan listened to her, though Chakotay had noticed no lost affection between them. He suspected Jem was another one of those rare things that Katan feared. Which, of course, was a clear sign that Chakotay should probably not let her unassuming appearance fool him, either.

More or less ignoring what was going on around him, Chakotay used some of the fancy maneuvers he’d picked up from both Starfleet and the Maquis, and finally got far enough to cloak the ship, and jump into warp, and into safety.

“Yes!” Punjan cheered again, punching Chakotay’s shoulder repeatedly, as if unable to contain the excess adrenaline that flowed in from the heist. “That was some real nimble flying!”

Katan’s younger brother Punjan was a thrill-seeker and laughed in the face of danger, but he was generally good-humored and went with the flow. He reminded Chakotay of a kid stuck in an adult’s body, albeit a kid with a very dangerous streak of genius: Punjan was an expert at computer hacking. Alarmingly, he’d somehow found a way to extend this talent to Starship computers. Chakotay didn’t quite know how he did it yet – but that seemed to be his main role in the crew; to hack into their target ship’s computers to control doors, security and other systems. The fact that he was able to do this at all was scary as hell. It was only with the realization that _this_ was what Starfleet Intelligence was worried about that Chakotay had truly realized the importance of this mission. At first he’d only seen it as a job to be done to fulfill his end of the bargain, but now he actually understood why it mattered. He knew Starfleet Intelligence was looking for the bigger fish, but to Chakotay’s mind, Punjan himself was definitely worth keeping an eye on.

Chakotay let his lips curve into a smirk and darted a look in Katan’s direction. “I told you. I know what I’m doing. I wasn’t going to let those torpedoes come anywhere near us. If I’d veered off too early, they would have altered their trajectories and hit us later. I had to wait for the right moment.”

Katan grunted as he threw Chakotay a “you better not be lying to me or else” look over his shoulder. He motioned for his brother to follow him to the back of the ship to check on Sébas (short for Sébastien), the fourth member of their team, and on the cargo.

Chakotay relaxed only slightly when it was only Jem and him in the front. “Is he always this cranky?” Chakotay asked, referring to Katan.

“Pretty much. You’ll get used to it.”

“So where to now?”

“I’m inputting the coordinates now.”

Chakotay had spent the first few weeks after his departure from Voyager doing whatever he could to attract the Wraiths’ attention, since the plan had been to let Katan find him rather than the other way around. Mendez, as well as Chakotay’s anonymous handler, had provided a detailed plan for him to follow and it had worked perfectly. Based on the intel Mendez's division had gathered on the Wraiths, they had identified what kinds of behaviors Chakotay should display for his name to reach the crew and make them curious about him. This had meant flying solo for a while, completing some low-key heists (coordinated from afar by Mendez and her associates), and spreading rumors about him: stories about his past, how he had left Starfleet to join the Maquis, and stories about his deeds as a Maquis as well. They’d left out a lot of information – for instance what he’d been doing for the last eight years, or why he had mysteriously disappeared from any public records around that time. But the mystery was a big part of it, as Mendez had told him. There were other tales going around that were for the most part true, but which Starfleet Intelligence had tweaked to better appeal to Katan’s psyche. And perhaps more even enticing, Mendez had loaned Chakotay a ship that was sure to attract the Wraiths’ attention: a small Klingon raider with cloaking capabilities.

It had taken over a month before Katan and his crew had made contact with Chakotay at last, in the small market town of Neathina on Mona Prime – though they had been watching him for two weeks before that. They’d taunted him about the stories they’d heard about him, challenging him to prove just how good he was. As per the plan, Chakotay had played it cool at first, letting Katan and the others believe that he was not interested. Eventually, Chakotay had “reluctantly” agreed to go on one mission with them, to see if he liked their style, as he’d told them. He had negotiated his salary steeply, keeping with the appearance that he was only doing this because it suited him and not because he needed to. Which, of course, he did, if he wanted to fulfill his end of the bargain with Mendez.

He’d been actually surprised to learn from his handler, mere hours after he had agreed to Mendez’s terms and gotten off Voyager, that she had already respected _her_ part of the bargain – the Maquis on Voyager had officially been let off the hook soon after his departure. They would still get hearings but, his source had assured him, those meetings would just be a formality. It had been a relief, to say the least. He had worried that Mendez would double-cross him or keep him hanging, but so far she hadn’t given him any reason not to trust her or her associates. And now that Chakotay understood what was at stake, he could almost sympathize with her tactics to get him to accept. Almost.

But despite the fact that he now knew there was more at stake here than his own life – or even the lives of the other Maquis, for that matter – a part of him still longed for the day when all of this would be over. He missed the Voyager crew and he was impatient to return to his life. He dreamed of the moment he would be able to explain himself to Kathryn and Seven and the others he’d left behind. Seven had barely blinked, whereas at the other extreme of the spectrum of reactions, B’Elanna had stormed off in anger, calling him a coward. And Kathryn, well… It had been over a month since he’d left, but the memory of that awful conversation with Kathryn – the day after _that_ night – continued to haunt him day and night.

It had nearly killed him not to be able to tell her the truth, about anything. Because minutes before going to knock on her ready room, he had stopped by to see Seven and told her he was leaving. Given how distant she had been recently, he had suggested that they take this time apart to figure out whether their relationship was worth pursuing. She had agreed dispassionately, without asking any questions. She’d actually almost looked…relieved. Chakotay knew her well enough by now to read her, and so he knew that she hadn’t been trying to deceive him or conceal pain. Her poised reaction had been genuine. That alone had been revealing.

To know that Seven was fine with him leaving like this, to know that she’d looked as relieved as he felt, had made it all the harder for Chakotay to stop himself from telling Kathryn everything when he'd stopped by her ready room: how her actions that night had reawaken feelings he’d ignored for years because he had convinced himself that it was what she wanted him to do. It had made it harder for him to stop himself from telling her why he’d pushed her away, what it had cost him to do so, and how he wished he could take it back.

But instead he had swallowed the words. Because he had known that if he started talking, then the rest of it would come out too – his real reason for leaving, the bargain he’d agreed to, the mission. And at the time he had refused to let himself be tempted, to let himself jeopardize the freedom of his friends, his family. Not when there was so much more at stake than his own happiness.

So he’d bitten his lips, almost to the point of drawing blood, and steeled himself.

_Chakotay squared his shoulders and took in a deep, bracing breath, before raising his hand to ring the bell to the captain’s ready room. He tried to ignore the tight knot clenching his stomach while he mentally went over what he’d spent most of the night rehearsing in his head. Admiral Mendez’s words played again in his mind: ‘Remember Commander, you can’t tell anyone about this.’_

_“Come in,” was the muffled reply. With one last inhale, Chakotay stepped inside._

_Kathryn was sitting behind her desk, cradling a cup of steaming coffee in both hands, her brows furrowed together as she stared at her screen, looking as if this was a morning no different than any other. As if last night had been a figment of his imagination. But he knew it couldn't be; he still felt the feel of her skin against his when he closed his eyes. When he came in, her eyes darted to him, but then quickly returned to her monitor._

_“Commander, what have you got for me?”_

_Chakotay let out the breath he’d been holding. So this was how she was going to play it then… Pretending that nothing had happened. Chakotay fought the urge to shake his head, not sure whether to be disappointed or relieved. But as it was, the mask of the professional Starfleet captain she had put on might make this conversation easier. For both of them._

_Now it was time for Chakotay to put on his own._

_Chakotay stepped up to her desk and handed her the PADD he’d brought with him. “My letter of resignation, actually.” After talking with Mendez, they had agreed that this was the most plausible way for him to leave Voyager without people asking too many questions. Kathryn, he had suspected, would be the exception._

_This caught her attention, and the careful mask of indifference fell from her face from sheer surprise. Her eyes shot up to his face and she stared at him for long moment, as if to make sure that he wasn’t joking._

_“What?” She said at last, breathlessly, as if he’d actually punched her in the stomach. Then she frowned and looked down at the PADD. She took it from his hand, throwing him a quick disapproving and incredulous glance before she started reading. After a second she shook her head, and chucked the PADD onto her desk as she sat back in her chair to better glare at him. “I won’t accept it. Not unless you tell me what this is really about.”_

_Chakotay had anticipated that. “You said so yourself. It’s not a good sign that Starfleet hasn’t made up their mind about me and the other Maquis. I’m doing this to avoid putting you in the awkward position of having to turn me in when the time comes.”_

_“Oh so you’re doing this on_ my _account? Don’t you dare pin this on me, Commander.”_

_“You asked why I’m doing this, this is why. I told you last night that I had to start thinking about a back-up plan; this is it.”_

_“Well, it’s a stupid plan.”_

_“Maybe. But it’s the only one I have.”_

_She stared at him for several seconds, her expression a mix of anger and horror, as if she couldn’t quite believe that he would really do it. Leave Voyager. Leave her. Spirits help him but this conversation was pure torture. All he longed to do was fall on his knees and tell her what was really in his heart. But he had given his word to Mendez that he wouldn’t say anything. Having to lie to her was part of the deal. The hardest part._

_“So you really expect me to believe that it’s just a coincidence that you are resigning the day after I…” She cut herself off and seemed to deflate, her shoulders sagging. Her hand went up to rub her forehead tiredly, as if trying to assuage a headache. But then she raised her eyes up to his again, rather courageously, he thought. “After I made unwanted advances on you? I would hope that we’re both adult enough to be able to resolve this between ourselves.”_

_“I would certainly hope so too.” He replied in a softer tone. He inhaled. “But it’s like you said last night: I think we can agree that we got lost in the moment. It was bound to happen at some point,” he told her, careful not to say that it had been a mistake or that it hadn’t mean anything – because those would be too big a lie for him. And because the truth was that it had definitely_ not _been unwanted. But he kept his expression as neutral as he could. “My decision to leave has nothing to do with what happened.”_

_“I don’t believe you,” she said after a moment, but there was uncertainty in her voice now. As if she was hoping to call him on a bluff._

_“Believe what you will, Captain, it’s not going to affect my decision.”_

_She studied him for a long moment, her own emotions crossing her face in a sequence – doubt, fear, hurt, and then, eventually, her eyes shuttered. She suddenly straightened in her chair and took the PADD again. “Fine. Consider your resignation accepted, effecting immediately. We can drop you off on Earth, or anywhere else on the way.”_

_Her detached and clinical tone felt like a slap in the face – but he knew he damn well deserved it._ You’ll have a chance to fix this _, he reminded himself. “Actually,” he told her, “I’ve already arranged for my own transportation. I’ll be leaving later this morning.”_

_She stared up at him again, once more caught by surprise. “I see you’ve thought of everything.” She returned her attention to her monitor, a dismissal if there ever was one. “Fine. I’ll ask that you return your combadge and pips to Commander Tuvok before you leave. You’re dismissed.”_

_Just like that._

_He gave a terse nod, struggling not to let show how much her bitterness stung – how much this whole conversation stung – then spun on his heels to leave. Before he reached the door he turned back, unable to stop himself. Unwilling to accept that the last words they exchanged would be spoken in bitterness. He cleared his throat against the sudden lump in his throat. “I know you’re angry, and you have every right to be. You think I’m giving up. But I’m not, Kathryn. I hope you’ll see that someday. And I want you to know that I am eternally grateful to you, for everything you’ve done for me. I could not have asked for a better friend, or a better captain. So I guess what I’m saying is… It’s been a privilege serving with you.”_

_Her brows furrowed but her expression was unreadable. She merely nodded once. “Good luck.”_

_Chakotay bit his lip at her dismissive tone, before conceding this was the only goodbye he was going to get._

Chakotay startled out of his memory when Katan and the others stepped back into the main compartment, talking amongst themselves, apparently satisfied that the cargo was secure.

“Now what?” Chakotay asked after he cleared his throat.

“Now you’re going to take us to the coordinates Jem gave you,” Katan replied curtly, “and then, well I guess you take the rest of the day off.”

Chakotay shook his head calmly. “I’m not going anywhere before I get my share of the rewards,” he replied just as curtly, meeting Katan’s eyes squarely.

After a long second of the two of them glowering at each other, Katan smiled wryly. “Fair enough. Let’s go then.”

They all settled into their seats, chatting in a low voice among themselves, and Chakotay once again focused on the task at hand. It didn’t take very long for them to reach the coordinates – a system only a few lightyears away from Mona Prime. Chakotay had hoped to get involved in the “drop” and get to meet the buyers behind the dilithium job, as per his assignment from Mendez, but, no luck. Katan clearly didn’t trust him yet (Chakotay had a feeling that he didn’t trust anybody but himself and his brother Punjan), so he ordered Chakotay and Sébas to remain in the ship while the rest of them went to drop their cargo. Still, Chakotay committed the coordinates of this planet to memory to report later. The gang returned with their rewards after about an hour, and Chakotay was ordered to set a course for “home.”

He resolutely bit back the urgent longing these words evoked in him, and obliged.

oooOooo


	3. Chapter 3

Kathryn was happy to see the familiar grinning faces of Lieutenants Paris and Kim among the bridge officers when she stepped out of the turbolift and made her way to her ready room, careful not to let her coffee spill as she walked. She greeted them with a nod and a quick “welcome back, Tom,” and “good to see you, Harry,” before the ready room door slid open before her. Kathryn slowed down when she noticed she had two visitors waiting for her inside. Seven was standing by the large window, her hands clasped behind her, while a tall, brown-haired woman in Starfleet uniform stood by her desk, looking at Seven’s back as if she wanted to start a conversation but didn’t quite know what to say.

“Sorry I’m late,” Kathryn said, by way of greeting. “Seven, it’s good to see you, how have you been?” She asked as she stepped around her desk and put her coffee down. Contrary to most of the crew who had traveled to Earth (or wherever home was) for their six-week leave, Seven had spent most of it onboard, working with a team of Starfleet scientists who had jumped on the opportunity to study Borg technology up close.

“Fine, Captain.”

Kathryn smiled. It occurred to her that a few years ago Seven might have answered something like ‘I am functioning within normal parameters.’ She’d certainly come a long way. Kathryn nodded. “Would you mind waiting outside for a moment?”

“Of course.” Seven nodded to the both of them as she exited the room.

Kathryn turned her attention to the officer, who stood to attention. “Commander Lisa Nobrega, reporting for duty.”

Kathryn smirked. It had been a while since her officers had shown her this level of formality. Chakotay especially, had never-

She swiftly put an end to that train of thought. “At ease, Commander. Please take a seat.”

“Thank you. May I just say, Captain, what a thrill it is to be here and join this crew. I’ve heard so much about you all. I look forward to this opportunity.”

Kathryn nodded in acknowledgement as she settled behind her desk and surveyed Nobrega’s file. “I see you have very little experience as a first officer,” she read out loud, “but you come highly recommended from Captain Nguyen, whom I respect immensely. I think you’ll find that we have a wonderful crew,” Kathryn added with a smile as she met Nobrega’s eyes. “I hope you can make yourself at home here.” She leaned her elbows on her desk to clasp her hands. “It might also be helpful to know what I expect from my first officer: in short, I need someone I can trust to turn to for advice, but also someone I can trust will abide by my decisions once I make them. Can you do that, Commander Nobrega?”

The commander nodded slowly as she seemed to consider it before she smiled. She was one of those people whose face completely changed when they smiled. “Absolutely, Captain.”

Kathryn nodded again. “Good. Welcome aboard, Commander,” she added as she stood up again, and extended her hand. “I’m sure you still have a lot to do before we deploy from the orbital station, so I’ll leave you to it.”

“Thank you, Captain,” Nobrega replied, as they shook hands.

Kathryn watched her go, doing her best to ignore the now familiar pang in her chest. Commander Nobrega would probably do just fine as her first officer, _but_ …

Of course, if Tuvok had been around, he would have been the obvious choice for the vacancy Chakotay had left behind when he’d left, but the lieutenant commander was still on medical leave on Vulcan. So with their return home, Kathryn had needed to consider a new officer to fill in that position – as well as many others on the ship. She doubted very much any of her future first officers could ever measure up to the bond she and Chakotay had created over the years. The bond they’d started weaving that day when she had asked him to join her crew. Her mind sprung up the memory, unbidden.

_Kathryn stood uncertainly at the door, nervously tapping the small box she held against her thigh, biting her cheek in indecision. This had to be done, there was no doubt about it – it was, as Tuvok had said, the most logical course of action. Yet, she still had no idea how to go about it. She had considered every possible overture, every angle, every strategy, but the truth was, she simply could not anticipate how the conversation would go. Not when she knew so little about the man himself. Tuvok had provided her with some basic information, but it had been clinical – a bullet point report – when she’d needed something more organic. A sense, a hunch, a first impression. Something her Vulcan friend was not capable of. So she was left with her own first impression of the man and what Mr. Paris had told her about him – and the truth was, she wasn’t sure what to make of that either. Chakotay’s file suggested a seasoned, clever and brutal Maquis operative, but his actions over the last twelve hours rather painted him as a man of principle and honor. She didn’t know how to reconcile the two versions._

_Well, she would just have to make up her own mind about him. So after a moment, she nodded to herself and straightened her shoulders. She pressed the doorbell, then clasped her hands behind her, in effect hiding the box she carried._

_The door slid open, revealing Mr. Chakotay on the other side._

_He did a double take when he saw her. “Captain Janeway.” His surprised expression slowly turned into a curious frown. His eyes searched her face, his expression cautious, but Kathryn detected a hint of curiosity in his gaze too. After a second he shook himself and stood aside, inviting her in with a sweeping gesture of his arm._

_Kathryn gave him a tentative smile as she stepped in more fully. Her eyes scanned the room distractedly – but of course it was devoid of any personal items, save for a bag near the door, the sum of the few belongings he had salvaged from the Valjean before destroying it against the Kazon ship. The bag was neatly packed, as if the owner wanted to be ready to leave at a moment’s notice. Then Kathryn smiled when she recognized the classical piano piece that played in the background. “Is that Chopin?” She asked conversationally, hoping to dissipate some of the tension in the silence that had stretched between them in those few seconds._

_He nodded, still cautious. Waiting to see if she was here as a friend or a foe. “I’ve always appreciated the innovations in his harmonies.”_

_Kathryn blinked, doing her best to school her surprise at hearing him speak about the virtues of classical music. Realizing that she may well have underestimated him, suddenly every scenario she had imagined about how this conversation would go had to be thrown out the window. She’d just have to wing it._

_“I’ve read your file,” she told him at last._

_“No mention of Chopin, huh?” He retorted with a raised eyebrow, his hands on his hips. His eyes narrowed in amusement, but the tone was still wary, as if he still expected her to arrest him or kick him off Voyager. She had to admit, she had considered both possibilities. But it was her fault that he and his crew were stranded in the Delta Quadrant, and it was his actions that had allowed Kathryn to speak to the Caretaker. The least she could do was offer something in return._

_“No,” Kathryn replied in the same tone. “I’m afraid not. But it did say that you used to be a Starfleet officer.”_

_He gave a curt nod. “That’s right.”_

_“That explains how you were able to evade us for so long. You knew all of our tricks.” Kathryn tried to go for humor, but she winced when her words came out more accusatory than she had intended._

_“And here I thought I was just that good,” he replied flippantly, the hint of a smile still tugging at the corner of his mouth, as he moved deeper into the room so that he could half-sit on the armrest of the couch. He crossed his ankles and rested with his hands on either side of his thighs._

_Kathryn sighed. This was not going well at all. She forced herself to relax her shoulders and soften her tone. “Can I ask, why did you leave Starfleet, Mr. Chakotay?”_

_He gave a slight shrug. “That… is a long story.” He tilted his head as if to better consider her. “But something tells me you won’t settle for that, will you? I’ve read your file too, Captain.”_

_Kathryn blinked in surprise, her curiosity overtaking anything else. “How?”_

_“Tuvok. I guess he didn’t see any logic in_ not _giving me access to it. I wanted to know what kind of officer I was dealing with.”_

_“And?”_

_Kathryn found herself taken aback by the sudden mischief in his expression, the way it revealed dimples in his cheeks and made his eyes twinkle. She suddenly had a feeling that this man might be much more dangerous than she had imagined, and not for the reasons she had thought either._

_“You’re ambitious. You’ve risen quickly through the ranks, mostly by way of the science division. You’re not easily intimidated and you’re bold enough to use that to your advantage. Your superiors have always lauded your sense of leadership.”_

_Kathryn nodded slowly as she considered him, biting her inner cheek, not sure whether to be pleased by his analysis or not. To her those were qualities, but there was something critical in his tone. “But no mention of my killer tennis serve, huh?”_

_He chuckled once; a huff of air passing through his smile in something between laughter and a scoff. “No.” He sobered, his smile fading as his suddenly intent gaze bore into hers. “But that’s kind of my point. Captain, a file is just a file. While it may be a reflection of who we are, that’s all it is – a reflection. You and I both know that it’s an incomplete and shallow portrait, and one that focuses on the past at that. So, how about you judge me by my actions right here right now, and I’ll do the same for you?”_

_Kathryn inhaled slowly as she considered him, holding his gaze. Then her lips curved into a slow smile, and she nodded her head. She had to admit, she liked what he’d said so far. She might even like him, despite her earlier prejudices. “Deal.”_

_He returned her smile, looking genuinely pleased._

_She found herself relaxing a little as she slowly went to sit in the chair facing the couch he was leaning against. “Let me ask you something, Mr. Chakotay. Would you have done what I did, if you’d been in my shoes? Destroy the array to save the Ocampa?”_

_He sighed, moving around to sit across from her. “I honestly don’t know. Probably not. I think I would have put the welfare of my crew first.”_

_Kathryn nodded. She wasn’t sure what she had anticipated, but her heart squeezed painfully to know that she was truly alone. Deep down, she had hoped that he would have done the same – if only as a reassurance that she hadn’t made a terrible, terrible mistake. One that impacted not only her crew, but his as well._

_She went on. “Then why didn’t you let that woman in your crew – Torres, is it? – speak her mind on the bridge earlier? Clearly you share her opinion, and she had every right to be angry.”_

_One corner of his lips quirked up, but his expression remained intent. “She’s a great engineer but she has a temper. For B’Elanna, ‘speaking her mind’ often leads to making a point with her fists.”_

_Kathryn saved this information for later as she studied him. “I can take care of myself. Why did you really stop her?”_

_He exhaled through his nose. “It’s like I told her. You’re the captain. This is your ship. You had a difficult decision to make and you made it. End of story.”_

_“Just like that?”_

_“Just like that.”_

_They stared at each other for a moment longer, assessing, measuring each other, until he looked away and spoke again, tugging on his earlobe. The gesture was strangely unassuming. “And for what it’s worth, I didn’t say I disagreed with your decision. I said I probably wouldn’t have done the same. That’s different. But I believe it was Voltaire who said: Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do. And between the two of us, you’re the only one not having to carry that guilt, Captain. I don’t know if what you did was the right thing, but it was a good thing. A decent thing.”_

_Kathryn smiled, moved by his words and the earnest expression in his eyes. Had the man just quoted Voltaire? Oh she definitely had underestimated him._

_He gave her a crooked, derisive smile at her reaction. “No mention of French literature in my file either, huh?”_

_“I’m starting to think it doesn’t do you justice,” Kathryn drawled teasingly._

_He chuckled – a real, heartfelt chuckle – before biting back his smile again. They held each other’s gaze for a moment longer until he spoke again. “So I take it you’re not here to vent me and my crew out the airlock then.” His tone was joking, but there was a question implicit in his statement too: if she wasn’t here to arrest him, then why was she here?_

_Now fully satisfied that she was making the right decision, Kathryn leaned her elbows on her thighs. “No. In fact, I have a proposition.” She leaned even more forward, eagerly catching his eyes. He mirrored her position, leaning his elbows on his thighs, his expression curious. “You don’t have a ship anymore. And neither of our crew is strong enough to survive in the Delta Quadrant alone – the Kazon have made that very clear. So I’m here to ask you – to entreat you – to join me, Chakotay. You and your crew. Now that we’re no longer in the Alpha Quadrant, our differences suddenly don’t seem as important as what unites us: our desire to go home. And we have a much better chance of succeeding if we work together. Imagine,” she went on passionately, “combining the discipline and resourcefulness of a Starfleet crew with the ingenuity and creativity of a Maquis crew – we’ll make it home in no time! What do you say Chakotay? Will you join me?” Kathryn’s heart pounded as she held his searching gaze, aware that her impassioned speech had left her flushed and breathless._

_After a moment that felt like eternity of him just searching her eyes, he smiled. A slow, dimpled smile. “Well Captain, put like that… That’s an offer I don’t think I can refuse.”_

_Kathryn’s smile broadened in relief. She leaned closer. “Will you be able to convince your crew?”_

_He imitated her, lowering his voice as if they were sharing a secret, and he nodded. “I think I can manage that.” His smile faded slightly. “It’s not going to be easy, though. There’s a lot of distrust, and resentment. Remember that Tuvok spied on us. Paris betrayed us. And at the end of the day you were sent after us to deliver us to the Federation.”_

_Kathryn raised an arch eyebrow. “Are you saying you wouldn’t be up to the task of bringing the two crews together?”_

_He blinked in surprise. “Me?” He repeated, studying her face, as if to make sure that she wasn’t yanking his chain._

_“Well, that is the job of the first officer, isn’t it?” Kathryn deadpanned, enjoying watching the genuine surprise that crossed his face as he processed her words._

_When he recovered from his surprise, he grinned, leaning forward conspiratorially. “What happened to flipping a coin to decide who gets to be the captain?”_

_“What happened to_ she’s the captain _?” She retorted without losing a beat, throwing his own words back at him._

_He chuckled, admitting defeat, and Kathryn found herself smiling. Despite everything that had happened – that was happening – she was smiling. After a moment he extended his hand, his eyes meeting hers squarely, and she shook it. His grip was strong and warm and confident. Kathryn forced herself not to dwell too much on it. “Then I gladly accept.”_

_Kathryn pulled back her hand and stood to her feet, suddenly feeling much lighter. He imitated her. “You’ll need a uniform, you can replicate one. The same goes for your crew – in fact, our first priority over the next couple of days should be to determine which department everyone belongs to. And you’ll need this,” she added as she handed him the small box. He took it curiously, glancing at her before opening it. He let out a surprised exhale, smiling, when his eyes fell on the field commission pips that endowed him with the rank of commander._

_“Might as well unpack that bag for good, Commander,” she said with a quick glance in the direction of his belongings._

_He nodded, and she could tell how relieved he was by the way his eyes shone._

_“By the way,” Kathryn added as she started making her way to the door, “can I count on you not to let the…history between you and Mr. Paris become a problem?”_

_He scoffed. “You can. It seems like my life now belongs to him anyway,” he finished dramatically, as if resigning himself to a dire fate. Kathryn raised an eyebrow and he smiled, shaking his head. “It’s a long story.”_

_“I see.” She paused to look back at him. “Well, you can tell me all about it over dinner.”_

_“Dinner?” He repeated cautiously, his eyes suddenly scanning her face with a new kind of intensity._

_Kathryn realized at once how it might have sounded. She forced herself to keep her expression neutral. “I always have weekly dinners with my first officer. We’ll start tonight,” she told him, her tone brooking no argument. Hoping that it would be enough to nip any other ideas in the bud._

_He nodded in understanding, but his eyes stayed on her face, roaming slowly, as if he was still considering the germ of an idea... She quickly spun on her heels and made her way to the door. “19:00 sharp. Don’t be late,” she told him just as she reached the door._

_She heard his quiet chuckle as she passed the threshold. “I wouldn’t dare._ Captain _.”_

Almost eight years later, that conversation was still etched in Kathryn’s memory, as if it had happened yesterday. Kathryn could still remember how well it had clicked between them, and how much just those few minutes had lied down the foundation for all of their future interactions. And that was precisely why his departure had been so hurtful and infuriating to her; after everything they had gone through together, after years spent building their relationship, to just up and leave without a backward glance, without trusting that whatever happened, they would go through it together and come out of it stronger… But no. He’d chosen to face it alone. The thought still infuriated her.

And then there was his rationale for leaving. It had been flimsy at best, and to this day she didn’t truly believe that it wasn’t at least partly because of her that he’d chosen to leave so abruptly. Because of what she’d done. Because of the feelings she’d revealed. And if that were the case, if he’d left because of her, then the only reasonable interpretation was that he’d _fled_. Just… balked in the face of.... well, complications. And she had been so mad at him for that too.

It had actually taken a while for her to realize that her anger was also partially directed at herself, for being so reckless that night and making a mess of things. True she had been a little inebriated, but not to the point that she didn’t know what she was doing. The truth was, she had taken his affection for granted. She had been too conceited to imagine that he might not actually return her feelings – though she was fairly certain he had felt something for her in the past. But she’d taken too long before taking the leap. Her mortification as she recalled his expression when he’d pushed her away… It still made her flush sometimes.

Was it possible to be so angry at someone but still miss them so much it hurt?

Apparently, because despite her best attempts at pushing him out of her thoughts, at moving on from that night and his departure, she did miss him. Terribly. Despite the wonder of finding herself home at last, despite her sense of accomplishment after she had returned her crew to Earth, despite all of the emotional reunions and joyful celebrations – a part of her had never been able to get rid of that strange sense of hollowness. As if Chakotay had taken a part of herself with him when he’d left so abruptly. Part of it was no doubt due to her own guilt, for the way she had reacted, the coldness with which she had treated him when he’d resigned.

She hadn’t even told him goodbye, for heaven’s sakes! Or seen him off.

Worse, she had neglected to ask him how or where she might reach him, or if or when he might come back. So now all she could do was wonder. About where he was, what he might be doing… Especially because the news had come in only hours after his hurried departure from Voyager that Starfleet Command had decided not to pursue the Maquis after all. She had expected him to come back then, but he hadn’t. All through that first week after the crew’s return to Earth, she had half expected him to show up on her doorstep, with that dimpled smile and those mischievous eyes of his. But no. And a week later, when Starfleet had thrown a party to welcome the crew home, she had fantasized about him walking through the doors to surprise everyone. But he hadn’t shown up then either. And she didn’t understand _why_. True, she had been cruel to him in her mortification and her anger, but she honestly didn’t think he would let that stop him from returning to his friends. To his family. To her. It never had before.

But maybe there was more to it than that. Maybe she was being egotistical in thinking this was even remotely about her. Maybe something had happened with Seven, and he’d decided he needed his space. Or maybe it was something else entirely. She only wished he’d told her, that day in her office, when she’d called him on his bluff. Chakotay had never been able to lie to her, and she’d seen the lie of omission in his eyes that day. He had left something out. And that had hurt too, perhaps as much as everything else.

After a moment Kathryn realized she’d just been staring into space, so she shook herself and forced herself to push any lingering thoughts or feelings to the side. This was a good day, she reminded herself: she was back on her ship, with her crew, and she was excited about it. She wouldn’t let thoughts of Chakotay ruin it.

Remembering that Seven was waiting to speak to her, she called her back in.

“Captain,” Seven greeted with a nod as she came to stand in front of Kathryn’s desk. “Welcome back. Voyager has been rather…desolate, without the full crew. It’s good to have you all back.”

Kathryn smiled, genuinely pleased to hear her say so. “It’s good to be back. It was nice to take some leave, but now I’m ready to jump back in the saddle. How did it go with the science team? Have they figured out a way to move your alcoves yet?”

“Yes, it took some doing, but we have figured out a way to move the regeneration alcove for Icheb, while he attends the Academy, or until he can go without it.”

Kathryn nodded. They would all miss Icheb, but she suspected Seven most of all. “Good.”

Seven then gave her the PADD she’d been carrying. “Actually I came to give you my report on my activities of the last few weeks. I was able to render some of Voyager’s systems more efficient. I think you’ll find the changes to your satisfaction.”

When Kathryn only stared at her surprise, Seven seemed to flush. “I had much time on my hands.” She gave a small shrug. “It’s all in the report.”

“Thanks,” Kathryn replied, still smiling.

Seven nodded before she clasped her hands again and motioned with her head to the vague direction of the bridge. “The woman who was here before. The new first officer?”

Kathryn nodded before taking a sip of coffee. “Commander Lisa Nobrega.”

Seven frowned, her expression suddenly thoughtful. “It will be strange, without Commander Tuvok, Neelix or Chakotay on board.”

Kathryn nodded, leaning back in her chair to cradle her coffee in both her hands. “Have you heard from him at all? Chakotay?” She asked, trying to keep her voice neutral. So much for pushing thoughts of him out of her mind. But it was Seven’s fault, for bringing him up.

Seven inhaled through her nose. “No,” she exhaled. “But I am not expecting to.” At Kathryn’s curious glance she inhaled again. “The day he left, we decided that it might be best to take this opportunity to reflect on our relationship, in order to determine whether it would be viable in the long run. It was decided that some time apart might be beneficial to come to a conclusion.”

“I see,” was all Kathryn managed to say. So maybe she had been right then! Maybe this wasn’t entirely about her. Maybe she hadn’t damaged their friendship forever. And _some_ time apart? Did that mean he meant to come back? She didn’t know what to make of that – what to make of anything Seven had said, including the fact that they were ‘taking a break,’ whatever that meant – except that the thought made her heart beat faster.

That traitorous heart.

Seven nodded. “It was for the best, under the circumstances.”

“Did he even give you a way to contact him?” Kathryn asked, unable to completely hide that residual anger from her voice.

“He did, though it isn’t a direct means of communication. He said he had no knowledge of where he was going, but he provided the contact information of an acquaintance, who would be able to relay a message to him. But I have yet to attempt reconnecting with him. If I did, it would probably be to permanently terminate our relationship. The time apart convinced me that it would be the best outcome possible for us.”

“I see,” Kathryn repeated rather inarticulately.

Seven seemed oblivious to Kathryn’s dumbstruck expression. “Of course if _you_ wish to contact him, I see no reason why I could not share the information with you, Captain,” Seven suggested, clearly trying to be helpful.

For one delicious second Kathryn considered it. Her heart suddenly pounded in her chest with the temptation to just call him home, and the hope that he might actually obey her. But then she remembered why she couldn’t. Not yet.

She just wasn’t ready.

Her emotions were too volatile. Her anger too close to the surface. Her pain too raw. Her mortification too fresh. Her pride too bruised.

But at least now she was hopeful.

He would come back. And she had a way of reaching him when she felt ready. When that time came, she would set things to right, and they would go back to the way things had been before. Suddenly she felt lighter than she had in weeks.

She took another sip of coffee to hide how flustered she felt by everything Seven had told her in the span of just a few minutes. She cleared her throat, focused her mind, and squared her shoulders once more. “Maybe later. For now, I have a report to read!” She drawled, picking up Seven’s PADD again.

“Enjoy, Captain,” Seven threw over her shoulder with no small amount of humor in her voice as she made her way to the door.

Kathryn grinned wryly. “I’m sure I will.” 

At the very least, it would be a much needed distraction.

oooOooo


	4. Chapter 4

A week passed after that initial dilithium heist before Katan and the Wraiths contacted Chakotay again.

Chakotay had quickly learned to make the most out of that waiting time. Starfleet Intelligence had set him up in a small apartment in the market town of Neathina – a commercial hub on Mona Prime, one of the few in this remote sector of the Alpha Quadrant, perfect for those who wanted to avoid doing business too near to Deep Space Nine. To keep himself busy during those days when he had nothing to do but wait, he often explored the town and surrounding hills, and immersed himself in the town’s history and culture. The town itself, nestled into the white cliffside of a rocky landform overlooking the ocean, was like a large flea market, with vendors in the streets and the sounds of bartering and negotiation constantly echoing off the whitewashed and ivy-covered stone walls of houses and apartment buildings. It was a chaotic and vibrant place inhabited by people from all over the quadrant. After spending years with a disciplined Starfleet crew, there was something both stimulating and disconcerting about the constant bustle of activity of Neathina.

One fun fact he’d learned about the town was that its name was actually a contraction of Nea Athina – the original name for the Federation colony. Chakotay hadn’t found any information as to why it had been named after Athens, the Greek city from Earth, but the Mediterranean-like landscape of white rocky cliffs, fragrant cypress-like trees, turquoise ocean waters, combined with a comfortable, albeit dry, climate suggested the name could have originated from the physical similarities between the two locations, rather than the identity of the original colonists. He had half a mind to start an archaeological project to find out. So all things considered, this wasn’t a bad place to live. That is, if the visitor focused on the delicious local cuisine and breathtaking landscapes, and forgot about the thugs and local mobs that hid in the darkest corners and limestone caves of the town. In fact, he’d often found himself thinking that Kathryn would probably enjoy this place; its rhythm and its beauty.

It was nighttime by the time Chakotay entered the tavern that Katan had selected for their meeting. He quickly scanned the room, by now pretty much accustomed to the smell of stale liquor and the sounds of boisterous drunkenness in those kinds of establishments. He spotted Punjan, Jem and Sébas sitting at a corner table, but Katan hadn’t arrived yet. Chakotay stopped by the bar to order himself a drink, and then stepped up to their table and flipped a nearby chair around so he could sit across it.

Just as he settled, catching a few words from Jem’s and Punjan’s debate about the best dining establishments in the sector, Katan arrived. He slapped Punjan’s shoulder in greeting before he slid into the booth next to him.

“So?” Chakotay prompted, trying to look bored and mildly annoyed that Katan would dare disturb him to call him here.

Katan said. “We have another op.”

“What are we stealing this time?”

“Some kind of Borg-related tech. It’s not clear yet what exactly. The target needs to be confirmed first.”

Chakotay was so surprised, he let it show before he remembered to school his features into the mask of indifference he’d perfected over the last several weeks. “Excuse me?”

Katan clearly enjoyed his surprise – and hint of fear – because he sneered. Recovering from his surprise and seeing his brother’s expression, Punjan then snickered too. Sébas, on the other hand, was dead serious as he gaped at Katan.

Sébas was the fourth member of the Wraiths. He was in his forties, with a dark complexion that made his short greying hair stand out, and deep-set eyes. Chakotay had barely heard the man string more than three words together, but from what little information he’d gathered, Sébas had fought in the Dominion War as a mercenary. It showed in his quietness and eerie stillness. As if he was always calculating the odds, assessing opponents, saving information for future life or death situations. In addition to being a seasoned veteran, he knew every existing class of starships built in this galaxy inside out, as if he’d spent his entire life studying blueprints – or actually building the ships himself. So, with this specific streak of genius, he was the go-to guy for blueprints, possible exits, and also for figuring out what to take from which ship. Chakotay doubted he knew much about Borg cubes and spheres, though.

“The Borg?” Chakotay repeated disbelievingly, doing his best to keep his voice low so as not to attract too much attention. “Are you out of your damn minds?” He looked around the table, hoping to find a sliver of evidence that he wasn’t the only one to think that this was deranged. Voyager had just escaped the Borg, he had no desire to renew the acquaintance, especially not in a defenseless Klingon raider and a crew of five. But no one met his eyes squarely – Sébas gulped down some of his drink, and Jem looked around the bar, as if distractedly looking for someone or as if the conversation was too boring to hold her attention. “Have you actually encountered the Borg, Katan? Because I have, multiple times. And believe me, you do not want to draw their attention.”

Katan smirked. “Well obviously you survived to tell the tale, so it can’t be that bad. Apparently they’ve been spotted in the next sector,” he added as he leaned casually back into his chair. “Reports say they’ve been acting erratically recently, so that should make the op more manageable.” He leaned forward again, his eyes gleaming with a dangerous light. “Besides, the Boss says he wants the tech, so we’re going to get it for him.”

“Well maybe you should let me talk some sense into “The Boss,”’ Chakotay retorted – it was a long shot, but it was worth a try. “I can tell him personally that he’d be sending some of his best assets on a suicide mission.”

Katan laughed, a cold, mocking laughter. “Oh I’d love to see you try, man, I really would.” It took a while for his laughter and then his smartass grin to fade, while he rubbed the dark stubble on his cheek with his hand distractedly. But then he met his eyes again. “Well? Are you in?”

Chakotay bit his lips as he looked around the table again. “How much does it pay?”

“Enough to make it worth your while.”

Chakotay barked out a burst of skeptical laughter. “How much.”

“Ten thousand credits a piece.”

Chakotay laughed again. It was a tremendous amount, but he stayed in character as he slowly stood to his feet and politely slid his chair back under the table. “Not nearly enough for me to risk being turned into a drone. Good luck boys, Jem.” With one last nod at each of them, he spun on his heels.

He’d only walked a couple of steps before Katan called after him. “So this is where the mighty Chakotay draws the line, is it? Your reputation made it sound like you were less of a coward.”

Katan’s hand fell on Chakotay’s shoulder, and, with his nerves already on ends, Chakotay’s instincts kicked in instantly. He grabbed the hand, pulled it forward, elbowed Katan’s ribs and spun around to send him flying over his shoulder until the man lay flat on his back, his arm still twisted in Chakotay’s grip, Chakotay’s foot on his chest, and a phaser pointed at his forehead. Out of the corner of his eyes, he noticed Punjan and Sébas jumping to their feet in surprise. Jem now watched with undisguised interest, as if they’d _finally_ caught her attention. Many of the bar’s patrons were now looking in with voyeuristic interest.

“I’m not a violent man,” Chakotay said in a low but calm voice, “but I have my limits. Don’t push me, Katan,” he hissed. “Fifteen thousand, and I’m in.”

Still sprawled on the floor, caught in Chakotay’s unrelenting grip, Katan laughed, a crazy kind of laughter. Chakotay’s hair stood on end at the sound. He didn’t miss the mean gleam of violence that flashed in the man’s eyes either. Chakotay had the sudden feeling that he’d painted a big red target on his back. He would have to watch himself from now on. Even more so than before.

“We need him, Katan,” Jem reminded him, back to sounding bored. She looked back at Chakotay. “Would you do it for twelve?” Katan twisted his head to send her a nasty look, but didn’t object. He wasn’t really in a position to anyway. He tried to move, but Chakotay didn’t budge, so he winced at the pain in his arm then laughed again.

Chakotay pretended to consider it, his gaze never leaving Katan’s form still sprawled on the dirty floor. Then he straightened and let the man go before tugging on his shirt and putting his phaser away. “Deal.”

Katan scrambled to his feet and took a large gulp from his drink. “We’re meeting tomorrow to discuss the extraction plan,” their leader told them.

Chakotay nodded. “Alright then.” He threw each of them a glare, before he grabbed his drink and turned on his heels to walk to the bar, carefully not looking over his shoulder, no matter how much he wanted to. When he sat down on a stool, he realized his hands were shaking. He should have kept a cooler head – his knee-jerk reaction had been a mistake; he had acted on a deeply-rooted instinct that he had developed during his time as a Maquis. In fact, all of his Maquis instincts were resurfacing, and Chakotay hated it. He hated the man they turned him into.

On the other hand, men like Katan had a strong – if twisted and old-fashioned – sense of manliness, and Chakotay had definitely played right into that stereotype. Maybe Katan would actually respect him more now that he knew Chakotay wasn’t fooling around. Maybe. It was probably wishful thinking, but-

“You should be more careful around Katan.” Jem. She had suddenly materialized at his side. Chakotay glanced at her. “He doesn’t like his authority challenged.”

“I can handle Katan,” Chakotay replied as he brought his glass to his lips, luckily sounding more confident than he felt.

She perched herself on the stool next to his and ordered herself a drink too. “Still. Watch your back, he plays dirty.”

Chakotay’s lips curved into a crooked smile as he glanced at her. “And you don’t think I can? Play dirty?”

She studied him for a long moment. “No, as a matter of fact. And that makes you all the more dangerous, in my opinion.”

“I don’t follow.”

“It makes me want to trust you. Can I trust you, Chakotay?” She cocked her head, her eyes fixed on him. For the first time Chakotay noticed that her irises were not a solid black, but more like stardust, or a dark, dangerous whirlpool. It was as stunning as it was unsettling.

Chakotay took a few seconds to think about his reply, but then he shrugged, bringing some humor back to his expression. “Better not. I’m not doing this for my own entertainment, you know. I have my own agenda and my own reasons for doing this.”

“Oh and why are you doing this, aside from the rewards, I mean?”

Chakotay stared into his drink for a moment, swirling the contents, thinking of a way he could tell the truth without revealing anything about his true mission. “I’m working on paying off a debt. That debt is what is keeping me from going back to the woman I love. I don’t know if that’s romantic or pathetic, but there it is.”

It felt a little strange to say the L-word aloud, but it had been swirling around in his head – and his heart – for so long, that the word easily passed his lips now. Because he knew now, without doubt or question, that he had never felt so _alive_ as when Kathryn’s lips and hands had touched him that night, reawakening feelings he had long convinced himself were buried and gone. But this whole thing had shown him just what a fool he’d been. Because the simple truth was that he loved his captain hopelessly. This was by no means a new realization, deep down he’d always known. What he had to come to accept recently, however, was the fact that there was no way out of it. She owned him. Body and soul. Whether she knew it or not, whether she wanted to or not.

He liked Seven, he might even love her, but not in the way they both deserved. And he had a feeling that Seven might feel the same, otherwise she wouldn’t have replied to his suggestion that they take this opportunity to take a break and figure out where they were with a simple and rather typical: “Acknowledged.” Truth be told, he hadn’t minded as much as he probably should have. Even then, his thoughts had been swirling with thoughts of Kathryn. He probably should have ended things with Seven right there and then, but at the time he’d been riding a mad rollercoaster of emotions, and he hadn’t trusted himself not to act rashly.

He'd thought about contacting them several times; Kathryn to let her know that he wasn’t gone forever, and Seven to let her know how he felt – or didn’t feel. But Mendez had warned him on multiple occasions to avoid contact with his former acquaintances, if only for his own safety – in case the Wraiths or “The Boss” had his apartment bugged. But maybe after he got back from Katan’s next deranged mission, he would ask his handler to relay a message for him.

A clinking sound from behind the bar brought Chakotay back to the present, and he found Jem’s eyebrows raised high as she eyed him, as if surprised that he would admit that he was doing all this for something so corny as love. So she must be as young as she appeared, Chakotay decided, only the young pretended to find love corny. But then she grinned. “I _knew_ you had to be nursing a broken heart!” She declared, slapping the bar with an open hand, as if she’d just won a bet.

Chakotay frowned curiously as he turned his head to glance at her, amused despite himself by her reaction. “Oh really.”

She shrugged and smiled slightly. “I’ve been observing you. You live alone; yet you don’t act like any of the single men I have ever met in this town.”

Chakotay smirked into his glass. “Maybe that’s a sign that you should get out of this town.”

“So who is she? The woman you’re so loyal to?”

Chakotay chuckled at her tenacity. He glanced at her, but after a moment of watching her expectant and curious gaze, he let out a long, deflating sigh, conceding defeat, staring into his drink as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. He could almost hear Mendez whisper in his mind: _Remember to try to build a rapport if you can. It will make it easier for them to open up to you._ He inhaled sharply before he spoke. “Her name’s Kathryn.” His heart suddenly beat faster. As if he was creating an actual connection to her by speaking her name out loud to a stranger. The feel of her name on his tongue felt good. He resisted the urge to say it again, just for the sound of it.

“So what happened?” Jem’s voice interrupted his reverie.

Chakotay chuckled to himself. “ _That,_ is a story for another time.”

She grinned as she sipped from her drink. “Fair enough. Always leave your audience wanting more, I suppose.”

“What about you? What’s your story? You’re a shapeshifter, yet you talk as if you were an earthling,” Chakotay remarked, stealing a sidelong glance at her to see her reaction.

She shrugged, staring into her drink, swirling the contents with the little stick that had come with it. “I was raised by humans.”

Interesting. It explained her appearance. “What about the people you come from?”

She let out a long sigh. “The Kigyun,” she said, her look distant. “They live in a system not too far from here, but they are extremely xenophobic. They rarely show their true forms to outsiders. Or insiders, now that I think of it.”

Chakotay gave a crooked smile. “Don’t we all?”

She let out a brief chuckle. “True.”

“So if you don’t even show your true form when you’re among yourselves, how do you know who is who?” Chakotay asked with genuine curiosity as he turned on his stool to better face her. A part of him – that part of him that had always been drawn to anthropology – found the whole idea fascinating. He could only hope that his genuine interest concealed the darker side of his agenda: to gather intel. “If anyone can take any shape, how do you recognize each other?”

She grinned. “We have our ways.” At his curious expression, she went on. “It’s mostly in the eyes. Like humans, our eyes are unique to each individual. But unlike humans, we are attuned to recognize them as markers. There’s also scent. Those sorts of things.”

Chakotay nodded. "The name for your people. Kigyun. What does it mean? On Earth, what people call themselves often used to have a meaning in that specific language. Often it just means "the people." But my people, for instance, are descendants of the Rubber Tree people."

She smiled, then her brows furrowed together as she thought about it. “I’ve never thought about it this way, but yes, Kigyun could translate as ‘those who harvest.’ I doubt it was the name they chose for themselves though. It’s rather boring.”

“So why choose to live here instead?” Chakotay asked at last before taking a sip from his drink.

She shrugged again. “Many of them consider me as kind of a half-breed, for having been raised as a human, and for choosing to live my life in human form.”

Chakotay frowned at this. “Well, I guess I can see why you would want to stay away, then. At least out here you’re free to live your life as you want.”

Her expression darkened ever so slightly. “Hopefully it won’t be forever. I’m working on getting my clan membership. I like humans, and I like living here,” she added, “but I can’t shake that deep-rooted desire to go home. And belong.”

Chakotay nodded again, understanding better than she probably realized, and raised his glass. “Well, then, here’s to returning to those to whom we belong.”

She replied in kind and they drank again. After that she stood from her stool. “Remember to watch your back. You’re too kind for this kind of work,” she warned him.

“I’ll take that under advisement. But thank you for the warning.”

She nodded, then left to return to the Wraiths. Chakotay finished his drink, and then went home, her warning echoing in his head.

~o~

The next morning, Chakotay got up at dawn for his daily run to the hill top. When he left his apartment, it was that strange time between night and dawn when most people were asleep and the streets were taken over by stray cats and dogs and other fauna indigenous to this planet looking for scraps of food. Only some of the street vendors were out and about to start setting up their booths and kiosks, sleepy-eyed and fueling up on coffee and other stimulating beverages. Chakotay took a steady pace as he ran through the market plaza and then took the streets that would take him up the hill, going up, up, up, all the while keeping his senses on alert. The incident with Katan from the night before had left him on edge, as had Jem’s warning.

As his feet took him higher up the hill, the paved roads of the town eventually turned into rarely used beaten paths barely wide enough for one person, and houses gave way to steep rocky outcrops or the occasional grove of trees. Chakotay focused on the sunrise and the smell of the ocean on the breeze in an attempt to ignore the fire in his side and legs as he pushed himself.

After he’d gotten home from the tavern the night before, he’d signaled his handler and requested a meeting. While he still didn’t know the details of the Borg mission, the fact that the Borg had been spotted in this section of the quadrant was probably information that Starfleet would want. To his surprise, the reply had mentioned that there had been a change in his handler, but that he would know him when he saw him. It had been strangely cryptic, even for Starfleet Intelligence, so Chakotay decided to remain on his guard. The usual meeting place was in a natural alcove on the top of the hill that overlooked the ocean and Neathina, so Chakotay had taken the habit of running in that direction in order to make it look perfectly normal behavior for him for him to go there. The choice of this hard-to-access location also made it difficult for anyone to follow him, especially without Chakotay noticing. The fact that the view was breathtaking or that he enjoyed the smell of the ocean were just added bonuses.

He sensed rather than heard movement behind him. Heart beating fast and his breathing shallow, Chakotay slowed to a walk on the pretense of feeling his pulse, his senses now on red alert, listening, waiting. After a long second, he whirled around.

The stray dog, a blue-eyed Australian shepherd, that Chakotay kept encountering on his morning runs was sitting on the path, her panting making it look like she was smiling. Chakotay exhaled in relief. He grabbed his side to put pressure on the stitch that had developed there, and wiped sweat off his forehead as he looked around, just to make sure that he hadn’t actually been followed. “Good morning to you too,” Chakotay told the dog, smiling. Chakotay had taken pity on her once and fed her, and since then she had met him every day on his run to the top.

When he was satisfied that he was still alone save for his canine companion, Chakotay resumed his trek uphill, now at a slower pace. As usual, the dog followed, now happily trotting next to him, her tail wagging.

As he finally made it to the top of the cliff and came around the path that would take him to the secret alcove, he took a moment to catch his breath and get his heart rate to settle. Then he took his phaser from his belt and advanced cautiously. He turned the corner and-

Stopped dead in his tracks.

A man with a dark complexion and cropped black hair was sitting still on the rocky ground of the alcove, meditating. But the pointy ears and straight eyebrows were unmistakable. Tuvok!

Chakotay’s heart leapt at the sight of his former shipmate. Though he and Tuvok had never really gotten along, relief swelled in Chakotay’s chest to see a friendly face after all this time. Chakotay hadn’t realized how lonely he’d been until that very moment.

He quickly belted his phaser as he made his way to the Vulcan. Tuvok opened his eyes and stood to his feet when he heard Chakotay and the dog approach. Chakotay hadn’t shaved in a few days and Tuvok seemed to raise an eyebrow at his scruffy appearance. The lieutenant commander opened his mouth and was about to give a formal greeting, but instead Chakotay just stepped right up to him and grabbed him by the shoulders with both hands, grinning so much his face hurt. “Tuvok!”

Tuvok almost smiled. Almost. “Chakotay,” he greeted. It was strange to hear his name uttered without the rank that had accompanied it for almost eight years, especially from Tuvok. Tuvok looked a little uncomfortable with Chakotay’s display of joy so Chakotay released his shoulders and took a step back. Though his stunned smile remained.

“What are you doing here? Weren’t you supposed to stay on Vulcan for the foreseeable future?”

Tuvok invited him to walk with a gesture of his hand. “Yes, that was the original plan. However, my condition improved faster than anticipated. I planned on returning to Voyager by the time the crew was called back from their leave, but then I received an intriguing communication from Starfleet Intelligence. You see, I have collaborated with Admiral Mendez before, and she asked me if I could provide you with assistance. She believed it would help you complete your mission if you had guidance from someone who was familiar to you. So I postponed my return to Voyager and came here instead.”

Chakotay nodded, moved by Tuvok’s selflessness and willingness to help him, and still reeling from this unexpected turn of events. He reached out to briefly squeeze Tuvok’s shoulder again. “Thank you, I truly appreciate it, Tuvok. Tell me, have you heard anything from the crew? How did the return to Earth go?”

Tuvok shook his head, of course understanding which crew Chakotay was referring to. “Very little. I know that the return to Earth was accompanied by several celebrations. Captain Janeway sent me holophotographs of some of these events. Many officers were promoted, including Ensign Kim. But that is the extent of my knowledge.”

Chakotay grinned, his imagination firing up images of what it must have been like, while he struggled with his regret for not being there for these memorable events. He _should_ have been there.

“I can ask for additional news, if you wish,” Tuvok added.

“Yes, I would be grateful. Thank you. It’s been hard to do this without them. I’m not used to working on my own. I miss them.”

Tuvok nodded in understanding. “Your signal mentioned new information?”

Chakotay nodded in acknowledgement at the change of topic. As he spoke, it quickly became clear that Tuvok had been briefed thoroughly about Chakotay’s overall mission and the members of the Wraiths, so Chakotay only had to relate the latest events – his altercation with Katan and the information about the Borg.

When he was done, Tuvok nodded pensively. “That is indeed worrisome. After we destroyed the Hub in the Delta Quadrant, we all hoped that the Borg would no longer be a significant threat.”

“Well, Katan did say that according to the reports, they’re disorganized. From the loss of their queen, I assume.”

“Yes. That is likely. This is indeed valuable information. I will forward your report to Starfleet right away. And needless to say, it would probably be in everyone’s interest to keep this “Boss” character from actually obtaining Borg technology, in particular nanoprobes.”

Chakotay nodded, biting his lips. “Of course. I’ll see what I can do.” The Wraiths were too suspicious of him to give him any opportunities for sabotage. So he’d just have to wing it if he saw an opportunity.

Chakotay extended his hand, wondering whether Tuvok would accept it, or give him the Vulcan hand gesture instead. After a second, Tuvok took the offer and shook Chakotay’s hand.

“It was good to see you, Commander,” Chakotay gave him one last nod before retracing his steps and preparing to go back down.

“Mr. Chakotay,” Tuvok called back, making him turn to face him again. He furrowed his eyebrows in an all-too-familiar expression. “Please give your dog a bath.”

Chakotay opened his mouth to say the dog wasn’t his, but as he looked at the dog watching him expectantly with her blue eyes, tail wagging, he closed his mouth again and grinned, suddenly feeling much lighter.

He wasn’t alone anymore.

“Will do.” He glanced at the dog again. He’d need to give her a name first.

oooOooo

“Alright, what do we know?” Kathryn asked as she stepped into Astrometrics.

At the sound of her voice, Commander Nobrega, Lieutenant Kim and Seven turned away from the map to greet her. Once Kathryn joined them by the consoles, Harry turned back towards the map, touching the console to zoom in the area of interest. Kathryn stepped closer, already studying the chart. Something in her chest tightened. She had studied maps of this area once before; the Cardassian border, the Badlands, Bajoran territory, and all of the systems that were part of Federation territory.

The Maquis’ old stomping grounds.

Her thoughts inevitably strayed to that very first mission as captain of Voyager, the one that had sent her after Chakotay and his crew in that very area.

_Focus._

“We haven’t been able to find out much,” Harry was saying. “The reports of a Borg presence in that area of the Alpha Quadrant are sketchy at best, maybe we should call them rumors instead.”

“Alright, let’s hear it.” The communiqué from Starfleet containing her orders to take Voyager to investigate reports of Borg presence had mentioned only one reliable source, but even that source had apparently been relating hear-says. Kathryn had been tasked to determine once and for all if there was any truth to those claims, so she had ordered Voyager to be on her way earlier that day.

Harry nodded as he looked down at his PADD. “First, a number of commercial freighters swear that they picked up Borg chatter, but – as we all know, the Borg don’t _chatter –_ they threaten to assimilate, and they certainly don’t do that on subspace frequencies. Then, there’s the colonists from this system,” he said as he pointed to a small dot on the map. “They claim that some of their people have gone missing over the last several weeks, and they blame the Borg, but without any real evidence, so that’s not entirely helpful. Federation peace patrols along the Cardassian border haven’t signaled anything Borg-related, but there have been a few incidences of highway robbery in the area.” At Kathryn’s look, Harry moved on. “Right. Not relevant. Lastly, deep space radars from DS9 haven’t picked up anything either.”

Kathryn absorbed this information, her eyes still glued to the map. After a moment she nodded. “I agree, Lieutenant. This does sound more like rumors than reports. After all, the Borg aren’t necessarily known for their subtlety. If they were really here, they would have already started assimilating dozens of worlds. We would know without the shadow of a doubt.”

“It _is_ possible that they are merely surviving,” Seven suggested. “We have no way of knowing how the destruction of the Hub in the Delta Quadrant would have affected their behavior, and in particular the loss of a queen. They may simply be … drifting. And if the Borg interlink that connects all of the drones together was severed when we destroyed the queen and the Hub, it is possible that some of these drones are recovering their individuality. In which case we should investigate.”

Kathryn nodded slowly. “I suppose it’s possible.” Then she turned to the only person in the room who hadn’t said anything yet. “You’ve been quiet, Commander. Any thoughts? Questions?”

Commander Nobrega had been standing quietly, merely listening. She shook her head once at Kathryn’s question. “Not at this time, Captain.”

Kathryn eyed her for a moment, not quite sure what to make of that. “Alright. Well, if Seven is right about the drones, it’s definitely worth checking out. At the very least we’ll be able to either substantiate the rumors – or put a stop to them. Thank you all.” She gestured for Nobrega to follow her before she left Astrometrics in the direction of the bridge.

“How are you adjusting, Commander?” Kathryn asked conversationally once they stepped out into the corridor.

“Fine, Captain. Everyone has been very helpful. Thank you for asking.”

Kathryn nodded. “Good, good. I just thought I’d give you a bit of context – you see, the reason why Starfleet has asked us to look into this is because during our last encounter we were able to upgrade Voyager’s shields and weapons to specifically prepare for an encounter with the Borg.”

“The technology from the future,” the commander said, nodding her head knowingly. “I assure you there’s need to concern yourself with me, Captain, I’ve read all the reports.”

Kathryn blinked. “Right. Of course you have.”

Nobrega smiled. “So, should I instruct Mr. Paris to set a course for the colony where the reports originated?”

Kathryn couldn’t help but stare at her a moment longer. The younger woman looked and acted like she was fresh out of the pond – she was quiet and self-effacing – but every time Kathryn interacted with her, she was surprised to find that the commander actually seemed perfectly on top of things. Maybe she was just the quiet kind – eager to please and happy to just follow orders and do her job well. But this was disconcerting to Kathryn, who was used to interacting with strong-willed and opinionated officers (strong-willed and opinionated being euphemisms). She kept being thrown off by the lack of resistance or opinion. Maybe that would come in time, once the commander found her footing. “Yes. Yes, that would be great,” Kathryn replied at last.

Nobrega nodded merrily. “I’ll get right on it, Captain.”

Kathryn wryly wondered as she watched her go how much of that eagerness to please would remain once they’d encountered the Borg. 

oooOooo

“The thing to know about the Borg,” Chakotay explained to the Wraiths, “is that boarding them is the easy part. The drones won’t pay attention to us unless they perceive us as a threat.”

All five of them were gathered around a table, heads bent over the sketch Chakotay had drawn of a Borg sphere from memory. At Katan’s request, Chakotay had met the Wraiths in their latest hideout, an old fish-processing and fish-drying plant on a pier by the ocean, a couple of miles downhill from Neathina. Despite years of disuse, the scent of fish lingered in the air and seemed to cling to Chakotay’s skin and clothes. “The problem is getting out. As soon as they’ll realize we’ve taken something from the ship, they’ll start trying to corner us. Block our escape.”

“They won’t try to kill us?”

Chakotay gave Punjan a look. Oh the kid had no idea what he was getting himself into. “No. They’ll try to assimilate us. So whatever you do, don’t let them get too close. And don’t let yourself get cornered.”

Punjan’s throat bobbed as he swallowed. Good. He should be scared.

“Where are the transwarp coils?” Sébas asked, frowning pensively at the sketch – a plan clearly forming in his head as he studied the quickly drawn blueprint. Apparently that was what he Boss had asked for, or so Katan had announced earlier.

“Likely in the central plexus. Here.” Chakotay drew an “x” on the sketch. “As I said, the problem will probably be getting out.”

“What about transporters?” Katan asked. He’d seemed to have cooled down since their last meeting, pretty much acting as if nothing had happened, but Chakotay remained on his guard.

“They have the technology to block Starfleet-issued transporters. Which is why raiding a Borg sphere is so risky. They adapt too quickly. The key is to go in and out without them realizing we were even there. Remember that they’re all connected – and that they’re linked directly into the ship’s technology. They’ll know right away if a part is damaged or goes missing.” Of course he went with the assumption that the pathogen hadn’t spread to all Borg everywhere. It was better to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. “The only way we’ve ever been able to get out of a Borg vessel was by creating a diversion, firing our ship at the Borg to distract them. But my raider alone is no match for a Borg sphere.”

“Who’s ‘we’ again?” Katan asked.

Chakotay glanced at him. The Wraiths had to know by now about Chakotay’s past as Starfleet, since that was part of the story Mendez had spread about him, even though the narrative emphasized his reputation as a Maquis. Mendez’s people had worked hard to make it extremely difficult for anyone to trace him back specifically to Voyager – restricting access to his public and Starfleet records and blocking the passenger manifest. It probably helped that Chakotay had left before the crew had made it to Earth, so that way he hadn’t appeared at any of the public events. But even so, Chakotay now rather wished he’d had a stronger cover story.

He went for the truth. “You know I was a Starfleet officer for several years, right? And Starfleet has had its own fair share of encounters with the Borg over the years.” Chakotay told them, hoping the truth of it would keep them from being suspicious. “You’ve heard of the Massacre of Wolf 359, right?

Punjan snorted, but to Chakotay’s surprise, Sébas sharply and rather unexpectedly slapped the young man behind the head, his eyes threatening. “Show some respect, Jan.”

Punjan rubbed at his head, glaring at Sébas as if to say ‘what the hell, man?’ Chakotay watched their interaction with newfound interest, especially Sébas. Of the Wraiths, he was the one he had least interacted with so far. Which also made him the wild card. For the first time he noticed a kind of father-son dynamic, or maybe mentor-mentee, between the two. Chakotay saved the information for later.

“But of course, _we_ didn’t have a shapeshifter on our side,” Chakotay added with a crooked grin, “or a genius hacker,” he said with a head nod toward Punjan. “You four have assets that the best Starfleet crews could only dream of!”

The others chuckled quietly, and Chakotay relaxed a bit when he spied the brothers sporting identical cocky smirks, duly flattered.

“Alright,” Katan started again, “here’s what we’re going to do.”

They spent the rest of the meeting planning for their op. When Chakotay got home later that night, he quickly showered and signaled Tuvok that the mission was a go.

He was about to climb into bed when there was a soft scratching noise at the door. Frowning, Chakotay listened silently for a moment. He relaxed when a soft canine yip accompanied the next round of scratching.

Calypso – as he had named the dog. So far Chakotay had only ever seen her during his runs, but apparently she’d figured out where he lived at last. Chakotay opened a crack in the door, and the dog quickly squeezed in, circling around his legs, as if to thank him for letting her in.

Chakotay crinkled his nose.

“Tuvok was right, Calypso. If you’re going to stay here, you need a bath. Now, you can use those puppy-dog eyes on me all you want, it’s not going to change my mind. Come on.”

oooOooo


	5. Chapter 5

About 12 hours after they had left Earth’s orbital station, Voyager arrived at the coordinates the colonists had indicated as the possible location of the Borg ship. Kathryn leaned forward in her captain’s chair, resting her elbows on her thighs. Her eyes scanned the dark expanse of space displayed on screen. “Yellow alert.”

But no matter how much squinting she did, there was no sign of a Borg ship anywhere. Kathryn turned to her first officer. “Anything?”

Commander Nobrega shook her head as she looked at her screen. “Nothing. Not even residual energy from a ship. If they were ever here, they’re long gone, Captain.”

Kathryn turned to Harry. “Anything on the long-range sensors?”

It took a second for Harry to check his console, then he shook his head. “Negative.”

Kathryn stood to her feet, placing her hands on her hips, frowning uneasily.

“Captain,” Seven said from where she stood behind the captain’s chair. “Perhaps I could attempt to use my alcove to connect with the Borg. If they are in the vicinity, I might be able to connect with them, or sense them, at the very least.”

Kathryn nodded. “Good idea. Have the Doctor accompany you – in case you have trouble getting out of the interlink once you establish contact.”

Seven gave a nod before she left.

Kathryn sat back down in her chair, crossing her legs. “Tom, take us for a ride in the neighborhood. Quarter impulse. Harry, keep an eye on those long-range sensors.”

It took only about 10 minutes before Seven contacted them through the comm system. “Captain. I was unable to sense any Borg in the vicinity. This, of course, does not necessarily rule out the presence of a Borg ship nearby. It might simply suggest that the drones are disconnected from the Collective. As I have hypothesized before.”

Kathryn nodded as she rubbed her temple distractedly. “Right. Thank you Seven. Come back to the bridge.”

“What are you thinking, Captain?” Nobrega asked from where she sat in Chakotay’s chair. Somehow it looked too big for her.

“I’m not sure yet. This could be further evidence that the reports were just rumors but… I don’t know. My instincts tell me something doesn’t quite feel right.”

The commander nodded. “Let’s keep looking, then.”

oooOooo

Chakotay pulled his ship out of warp and immediately cloaked. They had arrived at the coordinates Katan had given him (which Chakotay assumed had come from the Boss). Chakotay let the ship cruise around for several minutes, eyes glued to the screen. For a while they orbited a large asteroid that was too small to be a planet or a moon.

“Sensors just picked up a ship,” Sébas announced. “Just on the other side of the asteroid.”

As they came around and the starship came into view, hull glinting in the light from the nearby star, Chakotay felt his stomach drop. He’d recognize the Intrepid-class Federation starship anywhere.

Voyager.

Chakotay’s throat bobbed as he swallowed the sudden lump of uneasiness lodged in his throat.

“Oh great. What is Starfleet doing here?” Punjan complained.

“Probably looking for the Borg ship too,” Sébas replied, his eyes on the sensors. “It doesn’t show up on my sensors yet.”

“Oh good,” Katan said as he breezed right up to the screen and peered up at Voyager. “They’re right on time. Alright Wraiths, time to gear up. Starfleet uniforms,” Katan ordered as he tossed a Starfleet-issued jacket to Sébas and Chakotay. Chakotay stood to his feet in confusion, frowning at the all-too-familiar uniform in his hands.

“What?” Punjan asked, exchanging a confused look with Sébas.

A cold chill ran down Chakotay’s spine. “We’re not here for the Borg, are we?” Chakotay asked, trying to sound as normal as possible while his insides felt like a Windsor knot.

Katan grinned. “Nope, that’s a relief, right? Our friend here was so scared of them!” He mocked with a hand gripping Chakotay’s shoulder in a mockery of a friendly gesture.

“Are there even _been_ rumors of a Borg presence in the area, or was that just a lie to lure Starfleet here?” Chakotay asked as calmly as he could, fighting the urge to shrug off the contact. 

Katan merely grinned, as if proud of Chakotay for putting two and two together. “You’re clever, I’ll give you that. The Boss suspected that Starfleet would send its best Borg-prepared ship to investigate if there were rumors of the Borg in these parts. And here she is,” he added with a gesture toward Voyager.

Chakotay felt what was left of his color drain from his face. Did they know about Seven? Did they know that Seven had been the one hybridizing Voyager’s technology with Borg nanotechnology to improve the ship’s efficiency over the last few years? Were they here for Seven?

At Chakotay’s expression, Katan laughed again, mistaking where the anger in his eyes originated.

“So that whole meeting we had last night, that was a galactic waste of time,” Sébas complained. At least Chakotay hadn’t been the only one misled. Both Punjan and Sébas truly looked surprised. And Jem… well Jem never looked surprised about anything.

Katan shrugged, still grinning. “I suppose I could have told you, but Chakotay here got all riled up about the Borg and… well, it was just too much fun to watch. And I was ordered to collect his intel on Borg spheres anyway, just in case it proves handy in the future.”

“So what are we supposed to steal then?” Chakotay asked blandly. His mouth had gone dry.

“Oh our mission is still to steal tech related to the Borg, except, we’re here for the _anti_ -Borg tech. Apparently that ship out there is equipped with state of the art shield generators. That’s what we’re after.”

Future Admiral Janeway’s ablative generators.

Chakotay was slightly surprised when Sébas exchanged a look with him before returning his gaze to Katan. Apparently the older man shared Chakotay’s… reservations, though undoubtedly not for the same reasons. “Katan, we’re not prepared to raid a Federation starship. Least of all Voyager. It’s been lost in the Beta Quadrant or something for years. I have no way of knowing what changes were made on board. Our plan was for a Borg sphere.”

“Don’t worry old man, I got it all figured out. Besides, we’ve done this dozens of time. It’s just another starship.” He turned to Chakotay. “Hail them.”

Chakotay blinked. “What?”

“Tell them we’re in distress and that we need help.” By then Sébas had started gearing up as well, shaking his head, while Jem and Punjan gathered closer, waiting for their orders.

Chakotay's mind raced. “They’ll never buy it, they’d know we were cloaked. Ships in distress don’t usually cloak themselves, they send a distress beacon,” Chakotay argued calmly, logically, though his thoughts raced with possible scenarios. Could he try to stop the Wraiths, fight them to keep them from going ahead with this plan? He was severely outnumbered and his odds of success were too poor to consider. Do as he was asked and hail Voyager? Kathryn would recognize him at once and ask too many questions and it would completely blow his cover. Join the mission on board? Too many variables to be able to control the outcome. _Think, think, think_.

In two steps, Katan was standing right in front of Chakotay, pointing his Klingon disruptor in his face. “I don’t care what the hell you tell them. All I care about is that you provide a distraction long enough for the rest of us to transport aboard. We’ll take care of the rest.”

Chakotay felt panic start to take root in his chest, constricting his breathing, but he merely returned Katan’s stare. “I can’t hail them. I served on that ship for seven years. They’ll know my voice instantly.”

Katan’s eyes flashed, as if Chakotay had revealed the secret to his soul. Hell, maybe he had. Katan grinned. “Ah well, all the better – a reunion!”

Chakotay shook his head. “I didn’t part on good terms with the crew. It’s a bad idea for me to just show up like this,” Chakotay explained, brain scrambling.

“Oh for god’s sake, I’ll do it,” Jem interrupted, roughly shoving Chakotay out of the way with such surprising strength that Chakotay almost stumbled back to the floor. She morphed into a Klingon male in the blink of an eye, then dropped herself in Chakotay’s seat. Her usually loose clothing was barely big enough to accommodate the Klingon form she had taken. With Katan’s disruptor still pointed at his face, Chakotay could only watch as Jem-as-Klingon took control of his Klingon raider. Only her eyes had remained the same dark bottomless whirlpools.

“Jan,” Katan ordered, a ruthless eagerness taking over his expression. “Time to do your thing.”

Punjan recovered from his surprise and nodded quickly, grabbed his laptop, plugged it into one of the consoles as if he’d done this a million times, and sat down. “A temporary shield malfunction for the Starship Voyager coming right up.” He cracked his fingers and started typing.

Hacking into Voyager’s security systems. Chakotay swore mentally.

“Sébas, get ready to transport,” Katan said. Then he cocked his head at Chakotay, the disruptor still in his face. “I was going to allow you to join the op this time, but now you’ve become a liability, man. You shouldn’t have told me you used to be part of that crew. What am I going to do with you now?”

He seemed a little too eager to consider his options, so Chakotay licked his lips, scrambling his brains to find the right thing to say. “Well, for one you can get that thing out of my face,” he replied as calmly as he could, desperately trying not to sound desperate. “If you had done your homework, you’d have known about Voyager, Katan. I’ve never tried to hide the fact that I was Starfleet once – would it have killed you to ask what ship I’d served on? Because if you had we wouldn’t be standing here, on the verge of going through this half-assed mission of yours. I could have helped you prepare.”

Anything to keep himself alive long enough to warn Voyager of the impending trap. If only he could tell Kathryn not to intervene in the raid or not to apprehend the Wraiths, to let the gang believe that their plans had just been perfectly executed… that would ensure that no one on Voyager got hurt. But he still couldn’t think of a way to do that in a way that would keep him from completely compromising his cover. And for now Katan seemed to believe his story.

“And for the record,” Chakotay went on after Katan slowly lowered the disruptor, though the mistrust in his eyes remained. “Just because this used to be my ship, it doesn’t change the fact that I still want the same thing you do: I just want the reward. I _need_ the damn money, Katan. Besides, I can still help you, I know that ship like the back of my hand, I can help guide you from here, straight to the generators and get you out before they even realize what happened.”

Katan stared at him for a long second, assessing, before he exchanged looks with the rest of the gang. All three of them nodded or shrugged. Accepting Chakotay’s arguments. Chakotay returned his eyes to Katan, waiting.

“Fine.”

Chakotay released the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

Katan and Sébas moved to the back of the ship, putting their communication ear pieces into place. Katan shoved Chakotay’s own earpiece into his chest. “You are going to direct us to the generator from here and walk us through the steps to disconnect it from the ship – Punjan and Jem will stay here with you. You three are going to monitor our progress. Remember that Sébas has made it his life’s goal to study these ships, so he’ll know if you send us on a wild goose chase. In which case, I tell you as a friend, I won’t be able to guarantee that there won’t be casualties on that starship of yours. So it’s in everyone’s interest that this all goes as planned, isn’t it?”

“I got it, _friend_ ,” Chakotay replied, the last word dripping with sarcasm.

Katan then looked at Punjan expectantly, who was still typing as if his life depended on it. “Alright, I’m in. They won’t be able to tell right away that their shields are down, but I wouldn’t waste too much time chatting, if you catch my drift.”

Katan nodded.

“Jem, you know what to do. And you,” he turned to Chakotay again, “not a word.” He looked at Jem. “Keep an eye on him. If he so much as breathes wrong, you have my permission to beat him to a pulp.”

Chakotay held his tongue while Katan gestured for all of them save Jem to move away from the range of the viewscreen and into a side compartment. The moment Jem-as-Klingon opened a channel with Voyager, Punjan energized Katan and Sébas to Voyager’s Cargo Bay 1.

oooOooo

“Captain,” Harry suddenly said, “a single small Klingon vessel just decloaked off our starboard. They’re hailing us.”

Kathryn frowned and exchanged a look with Nobrega, sitting straighter in her chair. “Klingon! What the hell is a Klingon raider doing here? Let’s stay on yellow alert. Alright, Lieutenant, on screen.”

Kathryn stood to her feet and approached the screen, studying the Klingon male who sat at the controls of the small raider. “I’m Captain Kathryn Janeway, of the Federation Starship Voyager. How may we render assistance?”

oooOooo

Aboard the Klingon raider, Jem-as-Klingon threw Chakotay a sharp look when Kathryn introduced herself. _Kathryn,_ Jem mouthed. It was impossible to read her expression as a Klingon, so Chakotay didn’t flinch or blink or move from where he sat with Punjan when he met her eyes, but his heart sank. Damn it. Why in the world had he told Jem about Kathryn? It had seemed so innocuous at the time, he never imagined her name would betray him. Now Jem would be even more suspicious of him. It lowered his odds of him being able to signal Voyager without her realizing.

Jem returned her attention back to the screen. “Captain, my apologies. I thank you for speaking to me. My honor forbids me to ask for assistance, but as you offer it so generously…. You see…”

Jem made up a story about how ‘he’ got stranded with his sons during a plasma storm (in case Voyager picked up three life signs aboard the raider, which they would). He almost startled when Katan’s voice sounded in his ear. “Alright we’re in.”

Punjan had somehow been able to hack into Voyager’s system to keep them from detecting the beam in, and was now using his computer to follow their progress. So Chakotay tried to focus on the small laptop screen resting in Punjan’s lap, half listening to Jem’s conversation with Kathryn.

“Why were you cloaked?” Kathryn was asking, and Chakotay shrugged when Punjan elbowed him, snickering, recognizing that Kathryn had just said exactly what Chakotay had told them she would and apparently finding that hilarious.

“We heard of Borg activity in the area,” Jem replied. “We believed it wise to stay cloaked in case the rumors proved true.”

“Of course. We heard the same rumors. Well, how can we help?” That voice. How much he’d missed it. He fought the urge to peek around the wall to take a look at Voyager’s bridge and its officers on the viewscreen. Instead he started guiding Sébas and Katan, biding his time, thinking about his options. Sébas might have been able to pass as Starfleet, with his hair cut short and his overall military-like deportment. But even with an increased number of new faces on Voyager at the moment, there was no way Katan would go unnoticed with his unkempt, unshaven appearance. So Chakotay decided to have them go through the jefferies tubes in order to avoid running-ins with the crew. All the while, he kept looking between Punjan and Jem, both of them focused on their respective tasks.

Now that there were only two of them, Chakotay’s odds at being able to take them on increased slightly in his favor, especially if he had the element of surprise. If he could take them out, he would be able to warn Voyager about what was going on onboard. But Katan’s threat of hurting the crew echoed in his mind, and he doubted he’d be able to take on both Punjan and Jem without Katan realizing that something was wrong. He had to do _something_ though – he could still remember Tuvok’s words from a couple of days before, telling him that the Boss could not get his hands on this kind of technology if Chakotay could help it – it seemed even more pressing now that he knew exactly what they intended to steal. Ablative generators would provide an incredible advantage to any vessels – that kind of technology was not meant to be made accessible without oversight.

So a cold kind of determination settled in his stomach as he made his decision. He’d have to risk it. And count on Voyager’s crew’s training and resourcefulness to counter any retribution Katan would throw at them if he discovered Chakotay’s duplicity. “Alright, now, keep going down the ladders until you reach Engineering level,” he directed Sébas and Katan. Going down three levels would keep them busy for a while.

He waited until Jem was busy talking again – making up something about whatever technical issue was supposedly plaguing their ship. Then he made his move. He shifted and threw his arm around Punjan’s neck, holding him in a choke-hold from behind, while his other arm and hand went to cover his nose and mouth. Punjan tried to yelp and struggled against Chakotay, but Chakotay only tightened his hold, wincing and hating himself for having to do this. When he was confident that Punjan had passed out but that he was still breathing, he gently and quietly let him go and leaned him against the wall. One down; one to go.

He stood to his feet and turned around, but he stopped when he realized the view screen had gone dark. A shiver rolled down his spine at the sudden, eerie, quiet.

And then Jem-as-Klingon ran into him from the side.

oooOooo

“What happened?” Kathryn asked, frowning. It had looked as though the Klingon – who had neglected to introduce himself – had gotten distracted by something happening aboard his vessel just before the signal had ended.

“I don’t know, we just lost the feed. It happened on their end,” Harry replied. He frowned. “Wait – Captain, it looks like our shields are down. I don’t know why.”

Kathryn pressed her combadge, a new sense of urgency building in her stomach. “Bridge to Lieutenant Torres. What’s going on with our shields?”

B’Elanna’s voice was strained when she replied through the comm system. “I don’t know Captain! It’s like someone else has been controlling them and we have no way of getting control back.”

“Find a way, Lieutenant.”

“Captain,” Harry interrupted, “I took the liberty of running a diagnostic and now I’m getting a new security alert. An intruder alert. Apparently two unregistered life signs transported onboard while you were talking.”

Kathryn stood to her feet. Her instincts had been correct. “Red Alert. That whole thing was a distraction to allow a boarding party.” Kathryn switched into action mode. “Commander,” Kathryn told her first officer as she made her way up the steps, “get a tractor beam on that ship. Do not let them cloak or get away. Transport them if you must.”

Harry punched a couple of buttons, but then shook his head. “Their shields are interfering with the signal.”

“Figure something out. You have the bridge,” Kathryn said, satisfied that Nobrega had things under control. She signaled her chief of security. “Commander Hale, you’re with me. Get a security team ready. Let’s go see what those intruders are up to.”

oooOooo

Jem had lunged at him before Chakotay could even blink. She moved with uncommon speed and strength, feline and lethal – eerie for someone wielding the bulky body of a Klingon. Her strange eyes seemed to gleam green with simmering anger as she struck at him without ever losing a beat, and that glimmer in her eyes terrified him in a way that Katan’s brutish, predictable ways never could. Despite all his training, Chakotay was barely able to keep up with her speed, barely managing to block her blows, even less hit her in return, as she advanced on him, forcing him to backtrack. He was already bleeding from his lips and his forehead, and she’d hit him hard enough in the ribs to feel them crack.

Suddenly the raider rocked, and Jem growled when she realized Voyager had them caught in a tractor beam. Chakotay fought back with renewed vigor, hoping to last long enough for Voyager to reel them in.

Jem feinted, and even though Chakotay had anticipated it, she was too fast and she still managed to strike his head. The force of the blow sent him flying backward, and he hit the back of his head against a console before hitting the ground. Dark spots danced in front of his eyes and for a long second he couldn’t breathe. He panicked, only to find that the air had only been momentarily pushed out of him from the force of his landing. Jem started advancing on him again – prowling. Chakotay could barely move away from her, the pain in every damn part of his body paralyzing him.

“I was right, you know,” she said calmly, as if beating him up had been as much of an exertion as swatting a fly, “you really can’t play dirty. You shouldn’t bother trying.”

Chakotay’s brain scrambled to find something to say. He decided to go with the half-truths again. “I had to do something, Jem. You know how I feel about her,” Chakotay managed to croak with a jerking motion in Voyager’s direction, and then winced at the searing pain in his side. “I couldn’t just sit and watch and not do anything to protect her.”

She stopped and cocked her head – the animal, almost bird-like motion once again clashing with her Klingon appearance. The greenish whirlpool in her eyes was gone, and Chakotay wondered for a moment if it had only been his imagination. “I’d like to believe you.” Her voice was almost gentle. Almost. “But either way I can’t let you warn them. Sorry.” Her speech pattern once again clashed with her Klingon exterior. She swiveled on one foot in one swift move, and half a second later her other foot came crashing against Chakotay’s temple.

His last thought before all turned to black, was that he should have been more afraid of her. She’d warned him, after all.

oooOooo

“Commander Nobrega, the Klingon raider just reactivated their cloak – we lost them! The tractor beam couldn’t hold them in cloak mode!”

Lisa sprang to her feet. “Do we have any way of tracking them?”

“Maybe if I had more time,” Lieutenant Kim replied, shaking his head apologetically, his voice sounding strained.

“Alright – fire phasers, let’s try to force them to reveal themselves. You heard the Captain, we can’t let them get away.”

“Aye, Commander.”

She turned to Seven of Nine. “Can you try matching the frequency of their cloaks to neutralize it?”

She gave a curt nod. “Working on it.”

oooOooo

Kathryn, Lieutenant Commander Hale and three of his security detail had stopped by the armory to get some phaser rifles first, but were now making their way toward Engineering. According to the latest chatter and monitoring of the intruders’ progress, this was where they were heading.

Suddenly the alarms went off, and Kathryn upped her pace, the security hot on her heels.

“Captain!” It was B’Elanna through the combadge. She coughed a couple of times. “I have to evacuate Engineering, there’s a leak from one of the plasma regulators! It’s not critical, but it looks like sabotage!”

Kathryn nodded to the security to go ahead of her as she hit her combadge. “Acknowledged! Start lockdown protocol in Engineering as soon as everyone has been evacuated! We’re headed your way.”

When Kathryn and the security detail reached Engineering at last, the crew were getting out of the smoky room, coughing and helping each other into the corridor. Kathryn hurriedly sought out B’Elanna, and it didn’t take long for her to hear her chief engineer as she urged her crew out of the room. “Come on people! Move it!”

Kathryn quickly met up with her and stopped to make sure she was okay. B’Elanna was one of the few who had masked up, so she removed it before she met with Kathryn.

“Did you see anyone in there?” Kathryn asked.

B’Elanna shook her head. “No. But it definitely wasn’t an accident. What’s going on, Captain?”

“It looks like we’re being raided. Up for apprehending a couple of intruders?” Kathryn asked B’Elanna.

B’Elanna merely smirked, so Kathryn gave her one of her phasers. “Alright, let’s go.”

Once everyone in their group was masked up, Kathryn and B’Elanna followed the security into the smoky room, moving as quietly as they could. The sirens were still going off and there was a loud hissing sound as smoke and vapor was released from the plasma regulator, but everything else was quiet.

Suddenly Hale stopped and raised his hand, signaling the rest of them to stop. With a few more hand signals, he ordered two of his security and B’Elanna to move to the right of the room, going around the warp core, while he gestured for Kathryn to follow him to the left.

And that’s when Kathryn spotted them: two men, dressed in Starfleet uniforms, kneeling by the shield panels, their hands working inside the open panels.

“Hold it right there!” Hale yelled as he raised his weapon, but the two men were faster – at their approach they had jumped to their feet and had already started running away. Good thing B’Elanna was on the other side. She punched one of them, hard, but the scruffy-looking man quickly scrambled back to his feet and he and his companion started running across the room, going for the stairs, coughing against the smoke. One of the security officers fired at them as they ran across Engineering, but Kathryn realized too late that it was a bad idea – and that perhaps the thieves had ran that way on purpose. She had barely opened her mouth to call for them to hold their fire when the phaser fire hit some of the consoles and the open panels. There was a small explosion. The shockwave and the surge of electricity were just strong enough to make everyone fall backward.

By the time they got back on their feet, the two criminals were gone and sparks were now sputtering from the panels and the computer’s voice was repeating a _warp core breach_ alert. Kathryn ordered the security after them while she and B’Elanna stepped closer to the damaged panel.

“This isn’t good, Captain!” B’Elanna said, and though her voice was muffled by the mask, her concern was unmistakable. Kathryn crouched next to her to look at the damage. Her ears still rang from the detonation but she forced herself to focus.

“When the phaser fire hit those controls, the surge fried the injector coils, causing in a break in the antimatter compression chain reaction. I could try to repair the injector, but, Captain, this one can go critical very quickly, the deuterium is just going to keep building up until it’s got nowhere else to go,” B’Elanna replied. “Captain the truth is, I don’t know if I can fix it before it’s too late.”

Kathryn stared at her for a second, her brain processing this information, and any possible solutions. “We need to evacuate this level!” She said at last.

B’Elanna shook her head. “I don’t think you understand, Captain. If I’m right, evacuating this level only won’t be nearly enough. We need to evacuate the whole ship.”

“Can’t we eject the reactor core before it blows?”

B’Elanna shook her head again. “We can try, but I doubt it’s going to help. It’s the whole chain reaction into the antimatter/matter system that worries me. I’m sorry, Captain, but I have no way of reversing it, not with the amount of time we have….”

Kathryn nodded to herself for a moment. “How much time?”

B’Elanna shook her head once. “I don’t know. Ten minutes at most.”

Kathryn had to let this information sink in before she nodded to B’Elanna. “Eject the core, B’Elanna. If anything it might help contain the blow if it comes to that.” B’Elanna nodded and got to work, while Kathryn hit her combadge. “Commander Nobrega. Initiate full evacuation protocols.”

oooOooo

On the bridge, Lisa stopped issuing orders to fire on the Klingon ship to keep it from escaping and hit her combadge, exchanging a startled look with Mr. Paris.

“Captain?” She asked. “Please say again.”

oooOooo

Kathryn inhaled. “You heard me, Commander. Evacuate the ship, right now. Have everyone get into the shuttles or escape pods. Make sure that the Doctor downloads his program into his portable emitter and is evacuated with the rest.”

There was a second of silence, and then. “Understood.” Almost as soon as she replied, the general evacuation order resounded in the ship’s comm system, and Kathryn nodded to herself.

She hit her combadge again. “Seven, Harry, please meet me in Engineering right away.” Then she turned to B’Elanna and placed a hand on her shoulder. “You go with the rest of the crew.”

“Captain-” B’Elanna started shaking her head.

“Go get your daughter, B’Elanna,” Kathryn replied sternly, “and get her to safety. That’s an order.”

B’Elanna’s lips pursed at the mention of Miral, but then she nodded, her eyes wide behind her mask’s visor. “Yes, Captain. Good luck.”

It felt like an eternity before Seven and Harry ran into the room – though it couldn’t have been more than a couple of minutes. By then Kathryn had been able to vent the smoke and shut down main power now that the core had been ejected, but the alerts were still going off, reminding her of the imminent danger. She quickly updated them about the situation. They were professional enough to only exchange a concerned look before they got to work under the panels. Kathryn went and did whatever they asked her to do, moving from one console to the next, punching buttons and codes, or getting tools for them.

“It’s no use, Captain!” Harry suddenly cried over the sound of the sirens and evacuation orders still blazing through the comm system. “We can’t stop this. She’s going to blow any minute now! I’m sorry.”

Kathryn stared at the two of them for a long millisecond, feeling her eyes start to fill with tears – the ship has survived much more dangerous situations, surely there was something they could do! Kathryn’s eyes fell on Seven, who was still working inside the panel, her expression determined, but her jaw worked, revealing her fear and frustration. And Harry was looking at her with a mix of urgency, sympathy and sorrow.

“We have to abandon ship,” Kathryn whispered, the words sounding as if they came from someone else. “Alright,” she nodded to herself. “Let’s go!”

The three of them initiated the lockdown protocol before they exited Engineering, and then ran like hell.

oooOooo

Aboard the Klingon raider, Chakotay slowly opened his eyes, wincing from the pounding in his skull and the pain that racked his body. He tried to move but he realized that not only was every movement painful, but also that he was gagged and bound, sitting with his back against the wall. Jem, now reverted back to her human form, was still at the controls of the ship, cursing to herself as she switched back and forth between punching commands and looking up to the viewscreen. Punjan had apparently come to while Chakotay had been unconscious, but he was sitting still, holding his head, still clearly not quite himself yet.

Chakotay blinked when his vision blurred. He realized something dark was oozing into one of his eyes – blood – but he blinked it away. That’s when he noticed what Jem seemed to be cursing at: Voyager appeared to be adrift, and somehow Jem had managed to break them free of the tractor beam. What was even more worrying, however, was the sight of the dozens of tiny escape pods that were jettisoning from the ship.

They were evacuating Voyager.

There was a sudden flash of light coming and Chakotay realized that they had ejected the warp core.

Chakotay was distracted from the sight and the fear when the shimmering lights of transporters suddenly materialized two of those escape pods not too far from where he was sitting. They opened with a hissing sound and Katan and Sébas jumped out, quickly making their way to Jem, still panting from their escape from Voyager. Chakotay noticed that they were empty-handed and Katan was sporting a bloody lip. Good.

“What the hell happened?” Jem yelled at Katan.

But before Katan could reply, an explosion burst out of the lower decks of Voyager’s Engineering, creating a vaping, burning hole in the ship’s hull and sending Voyager spinning with the venting of atmosphere. Time seemed to slow down. Chakotay could only watch in horror – unable to tear his gaze away – as the ship spiraled out of control.

Too quickly for Chakotay’s dazed mind to process, the initial explosion spread in a quick succession of powerful blasts from Engineering to the warp nacelles and then to the ship’s stern. In the blink of an eye, a final explosion turned Voyager into a blinding, exploding ball of fire and twisted metal and energy.

A scream got stuck in Chakotay’s throat as bits of the ship were projected at high velocity in all directions, propelled by the force of the energy release from the antimatter-matter reaction system.

And then… Voyager was gone.

Just gone.

It had happened so quickly Chakotay’s mind had gone blank. He felt numb. Hollow. He forgot all about physical pain. Which was probably a good thing because suddenly Jem was at his side and used the butt of her phaser to hit him, knocking him out again.

This time, Chakotay welcomed the oblivion.

Voyager – his ship, his home – was gone. And he hadn’t been able to stop it.

oooOooo


	6. Chapter 6

It was pain in his side that made Chakotay wake up. As he slowly came around, skull pounding painfully, he groaned as sparks like thousands of pins and needles coursed all over his body. He slowly brought his hand to touch his head; he was surprised to find a bandage on his forehead. He blinked against the sunlight pouring through the windows, disoriented. There was something warm and furry curled into his side.

Calypso.

The dog jumped to her feet at his movement and started licking his hand, then his face. “Okay, okay. I’m awake.” He hissed in pain when he tried to sit up and clutched his side. A bandage was tightly wrapped around his ribcage as well.

What the hell had hap-

And then it came crushing back on him. The raid. The fight with Jem. The escape pods. Voyager exploding.

_Voyager exploding._

A blazing, white-hot wave of rage and grief engulfed him and he found it suddenly difficult to breathe against the tightness in his chest.

The Wraiths had destroyed Voyager.

He let that thought linger, as if the pain it caused would help him process it, accept it. But it only served to fuel the blind rage that made tears sting behind his eyelids.

After a moment, he opened his eyes again, and realizing that he was in his bed, back in Neathina, he frowned. The last thing he remembered was Jem knocking him out again. But why was hadn’t they killed him? Why had they dropped him off back here, and who had been tending to his injuries? Who had let Calypso inside his apartment?

The questions made his head hurt so he closed his eyes again and tried to control his breathing so that it wouldn’t hurt so much every time he inhaled. His thoughts inevitably went back to Voyager. The pods he’d seen meant that at least most of the crew had been able to evacuate, but what if… He swallowed with difficulty. Kathryn and the bridge officers were generally the last to evacuate, and knowing Kathryn, she’d wait to the very last second…

He shut his eyes tightly, fighting hard not to let himself think the worst. She had escaped. She had gotten into a pod, just like the rest of the crew. She would be fine. They would all be fine.

Calypso suddenly stilled, her ears perked up as if she heard something, and then her head turned in the direction of the door. She made a low growling sound. He painfully rolled down to the side of the bed and, thank goodness, his phaser was still by his bed, so he grabbed it, pointing in toward the door with a shaking arm.

There was a rapt knock on the door, and then: “Medical practitioner, we received a request for medical assistance at this address.”

Chakotay recognized the voice immediately: Tuvok! He limped his way to the door, clutching his side and avoiding putting too much weight on his right knee. He cracked the door opened and Tuvok quickly snuck in.

“You’re awake, good.” Tuvok was dressed as the Neathina medical corps and he quickly assessed him with one surveying look.

Chakotay had to swallow the sudden sob rising in his throat at the sight of him. Of the news he had to deliver. “Tuvok,” he croaked, his voice hoarse with grief. He placed a bracing hand on Tuvok’s shoulder – though whether it was to offer support to Tuvok, or for himself, he didn’t know. “Voyager. They destroyed Voyager.”

Tuvok nodded grimly as he helped Chakotay back to his bed. “Yes. They did.”

“You know? How did you-”

“Given the nature of your operation with the Wraiths, I was asked to watch out for your return. I was surveilling your apartment building when I saw the Wraiths bring you in and drop you off, several hours past your expected return. You were unconscious; Sébas and Jem had to carry you inside. After they left, I came in to assess your injuries – I did not have any medical equipment, so I could not do much at the time.” He gestured vaguely towards Chakotay’s bandaged head. “But in your delirium you spoke of Voyager being destroyed. I deemed it wise to investigate.”

Chakotay nodded, encouraging him to go on, eagerly waiting for that moment when Tuvok would tell him that the crew was fine, that they’d escaped…

“After I appraised Starfleet of the situation, they immediately sent out a ship to Voyager’s last known coordinates. There was indeed little of Voyager left, but Starfleet recovered most of the crew from shuttles and escape pods.”

Chakotay sighed in relief, but then frowned, his chest tightening with a terrifying sense of foreboding at Tuvok’s turn of phrase. “ _Most_ of the crew? Who’s unaccounted for?”

Tuvok pursed his lips as if reluctant to divulge any more. Chakotay reached out to grab his arm, his grip fierce, forcing him to meet his eyes. “Tuvok. Who’s unaccounted for?”

“As of an hour ago, Captain Janeway was still missing, as were Harry Kim, Seven of Nine and a number of security officers. The rescue party is still searching. It may simply be that they are in an area of the search grid that the search party has not surveyed yet.”

“Or they might be dead,” Chakotay breathed, voicing what Tuvok had left hanging. He shut his eyes against the burning there, digging his palms into his orbits as if it would wake him up from this nightmare. “This can’t be happening. If only I’d been able to warn them,” Chakotay said to himself angrily, the words tasting like ash. He had tried, but he could have tried harder, he could have shown himself on the viewscreen, he could have…

“Why not tell me what happened,” Tuvok said gravely as he sat on the edge of the bed and took his medkit.

Chakotay’s eyes shot back to him. “Everything went wrong, Tuvok. Everything went so damn wrong.” Chakotay inhaled – wincing at the pain it sparked in his side – and told Tuvok what happened; how the Boss had apparently spread the Borg rumor to lure in Voyager, how Chakotay had tried to take on Punjan and Jem to signal Voyager. While he spoke, Tuvok got a medical tricorder out of his medkit and started scanning Chakotay’s injuries and mending the most superficial wounds. When Chakotay finished with his last memory – of Voyager exploding into a ball of fire – that urge to scream in fury and anguish once again bubbled in his chest.

Tuvok sat silently for a long moment, his gaze distant. Chakotay wondered if, in his own way, Tuvok was grieving too.

“Why did they let you live?” Tuvok asked after a moment, his investigator expression back in place.

Chakotay shook his head. “I have no idea. It would have been easy for them to leave me in a ditch somewhere, or even vent me out the airlock…”

“But instead they brought you home,” Tuvok stated thoughtfully. “Most unexpected.”

“Maybe they still need me for something, I don’t know.”

“Given the circumstances,” Tuvok started again as he gathered his medical equipment, “I have orders to pull you from the mission.”

“No.”

Tuvok raised an eyebrow at Chakotay’s unyielding tone. “You have fulfilled your mission here. It would be unwise to pursue this in your current condition and under the circumstances.”

Chakotay shook his head again. “No. I’m not done yet.”

“If you are thinking of revenge, that is a most illogical-”

“With all due respect, Tuvok, I couldn’t care less about being logical at the moment. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have control over my emotions like you do, but right now that… That _pain_ I feel is the only thing keeping me grounded,” he argued, not caring if his voice cracked. “If I can’t act on that, then I’m afraid I’ll just… unravel.”

Tuvok eyed him for a moment longer. “Then what do you plan to do?”

Chakotay’s expression darkened with cold determination. “I’m going back to the Wraiths. And I’m going to make Katan pay for what he did.”

Tuvok opened his mouth – in all likelihood to tell him it would be illogical – but Chakotay beat him to it. “Don’t worry, Tuvok, I don’t intend to fight them – no matter how much I want to. No. I’m going to get them caught in the act, and if I’m lucky, the Boss along with them.”

“How?”

“I don’t know yet. But I’m working on it.”

oooOooo

When Tuvok returned to the safety of his shuttle, he immediately contacted Admiral Mendez.

“How is he?” She asked with unfeigned concern.

Tuvok tilted his head. “I worry for him. I believe his grief for the loss of Voyager will make him act rashly.”

“You worry, Tuvok? That is most unlike you,” Mendez teased, though her expression remained somber.

“Perhaps. But I have cohabitated with these people for a long time, Admiral. They are like my family. In fact, that is an apt analogy – they are precisely like young, irrational children who rarely listen to reason. But I admit, though I cannot share Chakotay’s anger, I do share his dismay.”

Mendez nodded. “Keep an eye on him. If he insists on completing the mission, then we must help him succeed and keep him from doing anything stupid.”

Tuvok nodded. “Have you any news of the crew?”

She shook her head. “I’m sorry, no. Nothing yet. But it’s only been a few hours. Let’s not give up hope yet.”

Tuvok nodded, then terminated the transmission.

oooOooo

That night, Chakotay dreamt of Kathryn.

_They were sitting in her ready room, but instead of their usual seats, they were sitting facing each other, leaning forward as if to share a secret. Kathryn was entreating him to join her crew, her eyes alight with determination and passion. At that moment, Chakotay knew that he was falling under her spell, but found himself willing to be bewitched by her. Welcoming it._

_“So I’m here to ask you – to entreat you – to join me, Chakotay. You and your crew. Imagine, combining the discipline and resourcefulness of a Starfleet crew with the ingenuity and creativity of a Maquis crew – we’ll make it home in no time! What do you say Chakotay? Will you join me?”_

_Chakotay chuckled, then smiled at her. He savored the feeling of well-being he felt, the calm, and the contentedness from her company. He wished he could stay there forever. “You know I will, Kathryn. Being alongside you, sharing your life, that’s all I ever wanted. You convinced me a long time ago, don’t you remember?”_

_She laughed, touching his knee._

_And then suddenly her lips were pressing against his. He could taste wine on her lips. Spirits help him, he’d longed for this for so long, and at last he was getting a second chance to do things right this time. Her lips pulled back, but her forehead and cheek nestled against his for another long, poignant second as they shared shallow breaths. That contact – both affectionate and passionate at once – was almost more revealing about her feelings for him than the kiss itself and it nearly shattered his heart with the tenderness of it._

_“Kathryn,” he heard his dream self say, as he pushed her away gently._

_She pulled back and bolted for the door. “I have to go, the ship is about to blow.”_

_“No, wait! We can talk about this!”_

_And suddenly they were on the bridge, Chakotay still trying to catch up with her. The sirens were going off and the bridge crew was scurrying around, trying to fix whatever problems were plaguing Voyager._

_“We need to evacuate!” Kathryn shouted. She was sweaty and her hair was in disarray, soot covered her cheek._

_“Kathryn,” Chakotay grabbed her arm. “You have to go! Now!”_

_“I can’t, not yet! Just a few more seconds!”_

_He spotted Katan and Sébas standing at the tactical station, dressed as Starfleet, but he couldn’t stop them_ and _save Kathryn – he had to choose._

_“Kathryn, listen to me! You have to go! Please! Come with me!”_

_“Just a bit longer!” She was busy working with Tom at the console, and waved him off._

_Suddenly Calypso was at his side, growling, and when Chakotay turned, he was blinded with a flash of light. And then Voyager exploded._

Chakotay shot up in his bed, heaving and parched, sweat dampening his hair and soaking his shirt, the images and feelings from the nightmare still vivid in his mind’s eye. His heartbeat slowly returned to a more normal rate as he reoriented himself, looking around the room. But then he spotted Calypso by the door, her hackles raised and growling – and suddenly Chakotay was wide awake.

He quickly grabbed his phaser before padding to the door. He leaned against the wall beside it. Waiting, still panting from the dream. He could hear someone messing with the door panel on the other side, trying to hack through the lock.

Chakotay inhaled sharply, ignoring the pain in his side, then as swiftly as he could with his injuries (there was only so much Tuvok could do with only a cell regenerator), he flung the door open, grabbed the intruder by their collar, and pulled them inside with such force that the intruder stumbled back and fell back to the floor. As if on cue, Calypso growled at the intruder, baring her fangs dangerously.

Sébas raised his hands in a defensive gesture as he retreated to lean his back against the wall. “Wait. I have information about that starship’s missing crew. You said they used to be your crew, right?”

Chakotay shut the door with his foot and stepped closer to Sébas, never moving the phaser away from him.

“Why should I trust anything you say?”

“I understand why you wouldn’t, given what happened yesterday,” Sébas lowered his hands with the assurance of a man who didn’t have much to lose. “Just hear me out. That’s all I’m asking.”

Chakotay nodded slowly, gingerly sitting in a chair, careful of his ribs, his eyes never leaving Sébas. Cal sat at his feet. Well, on his feet, actually. “I’m listening. Make it quick.”

Sébas licked his lips as he pulled up one knee closer to his chest and leaned his forearm on it. “You were completely out by then, so you probably won’t remember this. But after the ship exploded, we stuck around for a while. We weren’t able to grab the shield generator before we escaped you see, so Katan was still hoping to salvage one from the wreckage. We were about to go through the wreck in search of them when a Scavenger ship showed up.”

“A Scavenger ship?”

Sébas nodded. “There’s a space-time vortex not too far from there where ships tend to get pulled apart if they get too close to the gravitational pull.” Chakotay nodded, he’d heard of it as a Maquis. “So there are a lot of Scavengers in that area of the sector, waiting for accidents like that to happen. They salvage what they can to sell on the black market. I guess they must have been in the area and picked up the explosion on their sensors.”

“Okay,” Chakotay said impatiently, urging him to go on. This was the most he’d ever heard the man say at once.

Sébas hesitated for a moment, meeting Chakotay’s eyes squarely. “I saw the Scavengers retrieve a few of the escape pods. I don’t think the others saw – they were too busy blaming each other for what happened.”

Chakotay straightened. “Are you sure they took escape pods?” Hope flared in his chest.

Sébas nodded. “Yes. I’m sure. Given what we know about those Scavengers, it’s a good bet that your old shipmates were taken prisoners and brought to a nearby planet. From there, the Scavengers would decide whether to sell them on the slave market, or demand ransoms for their liberation – whichever is more likely to reap the highest bid. Being Starfleet, I’m guessing they’ll go with the second option for your former crewmates.”

Chakotay shook his head, disgusted, but his mind was racing. If it was true, then they might still be alive! He eyed Sébas suspiciously. “Why are you telling me this?”

Sébas exhaled, as if sorry that Chakotay would need to ask. “It shouldn’t have happened. The explosion. We got caught in Engineering, there was phaser fire, and the next thing we knew, there was an explosion. It probably sparked a chain reaction in the warp core. Look, I know what you’re going through, is all I’m saying.” There was sudden and genuine rawness in his expression now, another hint that Sébas’s veteran status came with the losses that all too often accompanied it. “I know this won’t make up for what happened, but I’d like to help you find your people, if you’ll let me.”

Chakotay studied him for a long moment, considering. His instincts told him he was telling the truth. But he’d been fooled often enough to have learned not to rely on his instincts alone. Seska. Tuvok. Even Jem. They’d all taken advantage of his desire to see good in people. Yet no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t quite see why Sébas would double-cross him with this.

“What’s in it for you?” Chakotay asked carefully.

“A guilt-free conscience.” At Chakotay’s dubious silence he inhaled again, meeting his eyes squarely. “One thing that drew me to the Wraiths in the first place,” he explained, “was the fact that they operated on strict orders to avoid hurting bystanders if they could help it. They prided themselves on the bloodlessness and the swiftness of their interventions. But that mission…” He shook his head, real disdain in his expression, “it was wrong from the start.” He shook himself. “So I’ve made my decision: I’m quitting the Wraiths. I’ve killed too many people in my life because others ordered me to. I’m done. But Katan is probably just getting started. I need to get out before he develops a taste for it.”

Chakotay had the urge to ask him why he wasn’t _stopping_ Katan instead of running away but he bit his tongue. He knew men like Sébas – they rarely interfered in what they considered to be someone else’s business. “What about Punjan?” Chakotay prompted, to test Sébas’s reaction.

Sébas blinked slowly, as if surprised that Chakotay had picked up on their bond. “He’s been like a son to me, true. But he’ll follow his brother wherever he goes. He idolizes the man. I see Katan’s influence on him grow every day and I hate it.”

Chakotay nodded again, taking this in. “Why did you let me live? Brought me back here?”

He frowned at that. “Katan was ready to kill you, but somehow Jem convinced him to let you go.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. She can be ruthless, but maybe she likes you. Maybe she felt sorry for your loss. Who knows.”

Chakotay laughed bitterly at this. From the way she had beaten him up, that was entirely unlikely.

Sébas shrugged at his reaction. “Look, I don’t know. I’m just guessing here. I have no idea what is going on in that girl’s head. That is, if she’s actually a girl. You never know with shapeshifters.”

Right. In fact, Chakotay started to wonder… Of all the gang members, Jem had been the only one who hadn’t seemed surprised by the change of plans when Katan had told them they weren’t about to raid a Borg ship. Katan had told her but not his brother? That seemed unlikely, given how close the brothers appeared. And now she had _convinced_ Katan to let Chakotay go? Either Katan really feared her – _really_ feared her for some reason – or she had something on him.

Chakotay nodded as he looked at Sébas. “Alright, if you’re really offering your help, I’ll take it. But know that if you betray me, I’ll blame all of this on you,” he said with a dangerous smile.

Sébas smiled back slightly, a quick, sharp tug on one corner of his mouth – it was the first time Chakotay had ever seen that expression on the man’s face. “Deal.”

~~o~~

That evening, Chakotay made his way down to the beach to face the Wraiths at their hideout – a plan had taken hold in his mind, and it was time to set it in motion. He had opted for showing up unarmed as a show of good faith, knowing full well that it could quickly backfire. But they hadn’t killed him before, he didn’t see why they would now. He had a plan, but there was no denying that it was a big gamble. If it failed… He forced himself not to think about it. At least Tuvok and Starfleet had been given the intel, so he knew they’d pursue his plan if Chakotay himself didn’t make it. Calypso followed him, trotting next to him, but she stopped when Chakotay went to enter the foul-smelling building. She lied down on the sand, as if to state her opposition.

“Yeah, not a fan either,” Chakotay told her under his breath before going in.

The Wraiths were assembled in a kind of living room area, sitting on various couches and chairs, peering over plans laid out on the floor in the middle of their circle. Punjan was the first one to spot him. He slapped Katan’s shoulder to get his attention.

Sharing an outraged look with his brother – Punjan apparently hadn’t forgiven Chakotay for the choke-hold – Katan stalked toward Chakotay, raising his favorite Klingon disruptor into Chakotay’s face again. The rest of the Wraiths had slowly stood to their feet, watching with interest. Sébas was playing his part so far, pretending to be surprised as much as he normally would – which meant that his expression was as unreadable as usual. Chakotay raised his hands in defense at Katan’s approach.

“You. What the hell are you doing here? Getting the Jem treatment wasn’t enough? You came back for more?” He sneered. “Or maybe you came to grovel? Hoping we’ll take you back?”

Chakotay met his eyes and raised his eyebrows. “Well, as a matter of fact, I did rehearse some groveling. If you’d like to hear it.”

That seemed to throw off Katan for a second, and he blinked. “You’re oddly honest in the worst of times, do you know that?” He shook his head. “Well?” He waved the disruptor. “Let’s hear it.” He briefly looked over his shoulder to share a sneer with his gang. Only Punjan sneered back. Sébas was immobile, as usual, and Jem had her bored mask on. Also as usual.

“I tried to double-cross you and warn Voyager of the raid,” Chakotay told him frankly, meeting his eyes. “Jem knows why,” he added, his eyes darting to Jem before they returned to Katan.

Katan looked over his shoulder again. Jem nodded, confirming his statement. “The ship’s captain,” she explained. “She was his lover.”

Chakotay forced himself not to react at the descriptive – it seemed too simple and crude a term to describe his complex relationship with Kathryn – not counting the fact that they had of course never consummated their relationship. But he didn’t deny it. When Katan returned his smirking face back to him, Chakotay met his eyes unblinkingly, deciding to go with the half-truths that characterized his whole mission. “I got scared for her. I wasn’t thinking straight. For the record, I wanted to tell her not to intervene in the heist – I didn’t want anyone to get hurt.”

“Isn’t that cute,” Katan retorted mockingly.

“My point is I know I messed up, and it’s not going to happen again. If it does, you’ll be at liberty to shoot me. But when I told you I needed the reward from these heists, I meant it. Jem knows about that too.” He’d told her he was working on paying off a debt to return to Kathryn, so he stuck with that story.

“We don’t even know if she’s still alive,” Jem replied from where she sat.

“I saw the escape pods,” Chakotay replied calmly. “So I have to believe she’s safe, back with Starfleet as we speak. In which case, I have no more reason to betray you. But my motivations don’t matter.” He paused, licking his lips. “You failed to get the ablative generator, right?”

Katan flinched at the word ‘failed.’

“That’s right,” Jem replied, suddenly interested. She stood to her feet and slowly made her way to stand next to Katan and crossed her arms over her chest expectantly.

“So?” Katan asked.

“I must have come to at some point because I remember seeing one of those Scavenger ships that roam in the area.” He trailed off, looking at them expectantly, as if waiting for them to catch up to his meaning.

“You think the Scavengers took the generators from the wreckage. So?” Katan asked.

Chakotay gave a shrug. “So we might still have a chance to get that generator, if we steal it back from them. Besides, there was a lot of highly valuable technology on that ship – technology that hasn’t even been invented yet. Including some hybridized Borg technology. So if anything, it might be worth checking out what they took.” His gaze traveled between them. “I’m not asking you to trust me. Only to give me a second chance to prove to you that I can be useful to the Wraiths. ”

Katan seemed to consider it. “There’s a reason why we didn’t fight the Scavengers off when they showed up,” he countered.

“Two words,” Jem chimed in, “fire power.”

Sébas took one step forward at this – his ‘I have a possible plan’ expression well in place. “Hold on – we might actually have a shot if we went to them cloaked. This is our new advantage with the Klingon raider, we should use it. We could use Chakotay’s ship and take it to their planetary stronghold at the Doldrums. With the cloak, they’ll never see us coming. We might actually have a chance to take something from them for a change.” Sébas paused, as if to think about it some more. “We should probably gather some intel first. Maybe scout the place. Make sure that they have the technology first.”

Katan considered it (and Chakotay) for a long moment. “Why shouldn’t I just kill you and take your ship?” He asked Chakotay challengingly, that brutal glimmer returning to his eyes.

Chakotay exhaled impatiently, not impressed. “Because I think you’re in enough trouble as it is. You know what you did, right? A _Federation starship_ was destroyed because of you, Katan. The United Federation of Planets and Starfleet Command don’t like it when they lose their ships. Count yourself lucky that the crew survived, otherwise you’d have about 150 murder charges looming over your head. So I think you’ll do the smart thing and avoid killing people for the time being.”

Katan let out a humorless chuckle as he glowered at him, the muscles at his jaw working for a second, the only sign that Chakotay’s words had wormed their way to rouse Katan’s few insecurities. “Lucky for you.” He lowered his disruptor at last.

Chakotay had to consciously stop himself from breathing out a sigh of relief.

Katan nodded at last, then gestured Sébas to come forward. “Seb, you go with him. We have other matters to attend to,” he said as he gestured to the rest of the Wraiths. Jem opened her mouth to argue, but Katan raised a hand to silence her. “That one’s non-negotiable,” he told her sternly. She obeyed, though her eyes flashed at him.

Perfect. It was just as Sébas had predicted – Katan wouldn’t want to risk the entire team on this assignment, given his mistrust of Chakotay. He would send the wisest and steadiest of the Wraiths with him. So while Chakotay retreated toward the entrance, after nodding to both Jem and Punjan, Katan took Sébas aside for a moment. “If he tries anything,” Katan said, “kill him.”

Chakotay exchanged a quick look with Sébas before they left the hide-out.

oooOooo


	7. Chapter 7

Chakotay and Sébas barely said a word the whole journey to the Scavengers’ planet. It was known as the Doldrums – though no one seemed to know what the indigenous peoples called it. The silence suited Chakotay just fine, he wasn’t in the mood to talk anyway. He was too busy keeping his hope and dread in check. He had no idea what he would find on that planet. What if Sébas was wrong and Kathryn, Seven and the other missing crewmembers weren’t there? The dread was so overwhelming, Chakotay actually felt nauseous.

Sébas kept looking over his shoulder at where Calypso lay sleeping on the floor, as if wondering what the hell kind of man he was dealing with, to bring a dog on a spaceship. But Calypso had stuck to Chakotay’s heels like glue as he’d prepared to leave, as if she were afraid that if he left he’d never return. Or, more likely, sensing Chakotay’s fear and unease. So Chakotay had relented and let the dog follow them. She wouldn’t bother them anyway.

When they lowered the raider into the planet’s atmosphere, Sébas updated him on what he knew about the location of the Scavenger compounds, so Chakotay headed there. The area they flew over appeared to be entirely covered by a vast, sand-dune desert – which was probably where the name had originated. Of course it made sense that scavengers who were illegally selling starship parts on the black market would choose hard-to-access locations. After a few minutes, the life signs sensors beeped, and Chakotay zoomed in on those areas. The data showed several isolated large compounds, so well camouflaged that it would have been near impossible to spot them without the sensors.

“I was Starfleet before, too, you know,” Sébas suddenly said, his eyes on his consoles. “My partner was too, actually.”

Chakotay’s eyes flickered to his copilot while he worked on narrowing down the parameters into the computer to look specifically for Starfleet combadges or traces of Federation technology within those compounds. It was a gamble, since combadges were often removed when they were discovered to be communication devices. But with any luck, if the Voyager crew was down there, at least one of them would still have their combadge.

“What happened?” Chakotay asked, distractedly wondering what was making Sébas telling him this now.

“The Borg showed up in the quadrant. I tried to mutiny to take control of the ship and convince the crew we should take our chances far away from the Borg. I failed, but... I managed to escape. I deserted just before Wolf 359. My husband,” he smiled at the memory of him, though his smile was wan, “he was Starfleet through and through. He wouldn’t abandon his crew and his captain. His ship was destroyed during the massacre. There were no survivors.”

Chakotay looked at him for a moment. Suddenly all of Sébas’s actions over the last couple of days were starting to make sense. As well as his overall, withdrawn personality. Loss and grief had probably turned him into that man. “I’m sorry.”

Sébas merely gave a terse nod. Then he shook his head derisively, clearing his throat. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this.” He shifted uncomfortably. “I’d almost managed to convince myself that it didn’t bother me anymore. But I guess this… mission… brought up a lot of bad memories.”

Chakotay nodded slightly, still studying him. “I get it.”

Beep, beep. Beep, beep.

“Here we go.” Chakotay anxiously returned his attention to the scanners. Three signals matched his parameters for Federation-based technology. Still cloaked, they circled over the compound the signals originated from while Chakotay adjusted the sensors to look for signals combining both human life signs and Starfleet technology. From above, the compound was shaped like a squared ‘O’, composed of four guard towers at each corner. To the naked eye there didn’t seem to be a wall connecting the guard towers, however the sensors indicated a kind of see-through energy barrier. There was only one gate, which led to a vast and open inner space that seemed to be brimming with activity.

“I see guards patrolling on the guard towers and by the gate,” Sébas described as he took in the video images coming from the ship’s sensors, back to his more typical, military-type self. “There’s actually quite a lot of activity in and outside the energy walls. It looks like a shanty town sprang up just outside, with lots of activity. It should be easy for us to go down there, blend in, and gather some intel about the layout.”

Chakotay nodded. A moment later the sensors beeped again and he let out an anxious breath as he zoomed in on the area. There were three life signs matching Chakotay’s parameters of humans with Federation technology, clustered together in one area of the compound. “What do those locations correspond to?” He asked Sébas.

Sébas squinted at the data on his screen. “That’s part of the large central court within the energy walls. These sections appear to be divided by fences, almost like pens,” he added, shaking his head in disgust. “The central court isn’t covered, but it’s surrounded by covered walkways, almost like an old cloister. According to the sensors, a lot of people appear to be clustering both in the open courtyard and the surrounding walkways. And beyond the wall, in the shanty town.” He pursed his lips. “Given the fact that the energy barrier allows us to see inside, we have a chance of finding your people without going inside, but if we want to make contact, we’ll probably have to go through the main gate and get access to those covered walkways that surround the pens.”

Chakotay nodded. “Transporters?”

Sébas shook his head dubiously. “These compounds are generally protected by a shield. To avoid beaming in. Or out.”

Chakotay nodded. “Alright. Let’s land and try to get a visual.” He whipped his head around. “Let’s find something we could trade, in case we need it to make it past the main gate.”

oooOooo

Kathryn sat with Seven in one corner of the large, roofless inner court they had found themselves in when they’d awoken, lying on the earthen floor and surrounded by dozens of people sitting or standing idly, penned in by high metal fences. The last thing Kathryn had remembered was getting into the escape pod. She had felt the pod rock and Kathryn had known then, that Voyager was gone. But her memories got hazy after that.

After discussing it with Seven, they came to the conclusion that whoever had “rescued” them from their pods had kept them purposefully unconscious during their capture and transport here, in this oversized cage. Upon waking up, the two of them had managed to find a spot in the shade, away from the sun beating down on the central, open area of the compound, but the heat was almost unbearable, and so was the thirst. Kathryn had long removed her jacket and was using it to sit on. She glanced at Seven’s profile – though locks of her hair had escaped her usually perfect twist, she looked fresh as a rose, barely sweating. Kathryn reined in her snort of envy – _she_ was hot, sweaty and irritable.

The two of them had run out of ideas for an escape plan an hour ago, and now they were just sitting there, lost in thought, trying not to get dehydrated. They didn’t even know if anyone else from the crew had been ‘rescued’ by these peoples, or if the two of them had been the only lucky ones. With their combadges missing, they’d had to search by walking among the hundred-or-so captives cooped up with them, but they had found no familiar faces. The prisoners appeared to be separated along gender lines, with each group penned into adjacent areas of the open inner court, the two areas separated by a metal fence. So it made sense that if any male crewmembers were here as well, they would be on the other side of the fence. There were people bustling around and walking freely beyond the cage all around them, but none spoke to the captives. Kathryn couldn’t tell if any of them might be in charge or in a position to help. It didn’t look like it.

By the looks and smell of some of the people enclosed in the inner court with them, they had been here for a while. Kathryn had stopped asking questions once she had realized that the others were terrified of getting caught speaking to another. They had witnessed guards coming in to choose specific prisoners to take them away, but when Kathryn had stepped up to ask, _demand to know_ , what was going on – or just _do_ something – Seven had stopped her with a hand on her arm and a warning glare. At the time Kathryn had been angry at Seven, but in retrospect, after seeing the fear in the other prisoners’ eyes, Kathryn was grateful. Seven had probably stopped her from doing something stupid, or from drawing too much attention to them. So eventually Kathryn and Seven had opted for laying low for a while, at least until they figured out a plan to get out of this hell.

The determination and mental exercise to find a way to get out provided a welcome distraction from her thoughts and the gaping hollowness she felt in her chest. She had lost Voyager, she knew she had. And she might have lost her crew. And for what? It had been such a stupid incident… After everything the ship had survived, to be destroyed by phaser fire when two inconsequential thieves had boarded was just… so meaningless. She’d always imagined that if she lost her ship, it would be in an epic battle between good and evil, not because of random crossfire. She hoped with all her heart that those who’d escaped in the first waves of evacuations had made it to safety, and that they would send a search party soon. But until then, she and Seven had to figure out a way to survive and stick together. No matter what happened.

“Psst. Captain! Captain!”

Kathryn frowned, craning her neck to search for the owner of the voice. Her face lit up with relief when her gaze settled on Harry, Commander Hale, and another one of Hale’s security officers, all three of them clustered together by the fence. They had removed their jackets too, which also made them stand out a bit less among the other prisoners. Kathryn and Seven quickly made their way to them. Kathryn squeezed their hands through the fence, so relieved to find them well. Harry was sporting a split lip, but seemed otherwise unharmed. Kathryn noticed that contrary to she and Seven, they had their combadges still pinned to their clothing. They quickly assured each other that they were fine, then Harry told them what he’d found out so far.

“Apparently our pods got salvaged by whoever runs this place. From what we’ve been told, they’re a kind of scavenger group who sell abandoned or wrecked ship parts on the black market.”

“And dare I ask about these people?” Kathryn said as she motioned to the other prisoners with her chin.

Kim and Hale exchanged a look. “Rumors talk about a humanoid trafficking market, mostly for forced labor. You see these people walking around, outside the fence?” Kathryn hadn’t really paid attention to them after realizing that they wouldn’t be able to help, but she noticed now, how they were staring at the captives within the fence like animals in zoos of old. And beyond them, busy streets with hurriedly-built dwellings and vending booths, as if an actual market had been built around the compound itself. The smoke from nearby fires and cooking food wafted to Kathryn’s nose and though she knew she must be hungry, the smell made her feel nauseous. “They’re buyers looking for cheap laborers. Captain, whatever we do, we can’t stay here. We need to get out of here, or stall until Starfleet mounts a rescue. Because if we get separated…” He shook his head.

Kathryn nodded, looking around and distractedly scanning the ‘buyers’ strolling on the other side of the fence. “I know. I’m working on it.” But inside, her heart sank. Maybe she could try to negotiate with whomever was in charge, maybe she could use her Starfleet influence to-

Kathryn did a double take when something in the crowd caught her eye. It had been just a flash of recognition, barely long enough to process what she’d seen. So she scanned the crowd again, squinting to better see in the distance, search-

Her heart skipped a beat, and then raced in her chest.

The dark hair was slightly longer and by the looks of it he hadn’t shaved in several days but she could almost swear that-

The man she’d spotted across the crowd turned his head in her direction to talk to another man and Kathryn stopped breathing, recognizing the tattoo at once, even from the distance. Her stomach dropped, her breath still caught in her throat. Chakotay! Kathryn resisted the urge to call out his name. But it wasn’t necessary. As if he had felt the weight of her gaze on him, his brown eyes scanned the crowd. When they crossed hers, he jerked to a stop so sudden that the other man slammed into his back. His face brightened in recognition and relief and dozens of other things that she was too far to identify. She vaguely remembered being mad at him, but her heart leapt at the sight of him anyway, too relieved to care. She stood transfixed as she took him in, wishing he were closer so she could read the expression in his eyes. The connection locking their gazes was interrupted when someone shouldered him to get past and he looked away. Kathryn felt the loss of his gaze like it had actually severed a physical bond between them. But then his eyes returned to her for a brief, meaningful and warning glance, before he started walking again, subtly motioning his companion to look in their direction. Now that she paid closer attention, that second man looked familiar. In fact, she was certain she’d seen him before. And then it dawned on her: he was one of the men who had raided Voyager. What the hell was going on? What was Chakotay doing with that man? And what were they doing _here?_

But then they were gone, disappearing through the crowd. Kathryn looked around frantically, trying to catch another glimpse of Chakotay, mentally cursing at the people who blocked her line of sight.

“Captain?” Seven’s voice startled her out of her thoughts.

Kathryn frowned, shaken to her core. “Hmm?”

“Captain you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Harry commented. “Maybe we should step out of the sunshine.”

A ghost? Maybe. A mirage? Possibly. For Chakotay to be on _this_ planet at _this_ moment was too good to be true. Too much of a coincidence. Her frown deepened as she scanned the crowd again. But there was no sign of Chakotay, or that man. She shook her head. “You were saying?”

Commander Hale started repeating what he’d been saying, but once again Kathryn got distracted, this time by the frowning, curious look on Harry’s face as he narrowed his eyes to look in the distance. “Harry?” She asked, following his gaze, hopeful that she’d see Chakotay again. But he was nowhere in sight.

Harry’s frown deepened. “What in the world… Hey is it me, or does that dog have Chakotay’s tattoo design drawn on its face?”

Kathryn followed his gaze again. And grinned when her eyes found the dog in question, a young blue-merle Australian Sheppard who was trotting among the buyers. The dog suddenly turned its head in their direction. Harry was right: the dog had Chakotay's tattoo drawn on its face. A wave of relief and hope swept through her. She grabbed the first thing she could reach, out of pure excitement – it happened to be Seven's arm.

"So I wasn't hallucinating – just a moment ago, I could have sworn I saw Chakotay walk along with the buyers. I'm going to try to catch that dog's attention." Kathryn crouched down, ignoring the stunned and increasingly hopeful looks of her officers, and started calling out to the dog in a low but high-pitched voice, then whistling a couple of high notes. Luckily no one paid them attention, too focused were they on conducting their own business and deliberately ignoring what was going on inside the pens. The dog turned its head in their direction, ears perked up, tongue rolling out. "That's it," Kathryn encouraged, extending her hand in her direction as if she were offering food. And then the dog was running towards them, the promise of a treat impossible to resist. When it got close enough to touch, Kathryn reached through the fence to pet the soft head and grab the loose rope tied around the dog's neck. The dog only tried sniffing and licking her hands. "Lieutenant, Commander, give me your combadges."

They complied and Kathryn quickly pinned one combadge to the makeshift collar. Then Kathryn gently pushed the dog away. “Go on now, find Chakotay!” She extended her arm, as if throwing a ball or a treat, and the dog scurried away.

Now all Kathryn could do was wait.

oooOooo

From his spot by the gate, Chakotay was pretending to be listening to Sébas as he bartered with a local merchant for some kind of food item, while in fact he was watching as Kathryn called Calypso to her, and then pinned her combadge to the makeshift collar.

Chakotay resisted the urge to chuckle in relief and pride. Instead he exchanged a quick look with Sébas, and they moved on. He whistled for Calypso – he saw her ears perk up again and then dashed toward them. Chakotay gave her a good long petting as a reward when she reached them, and quickly unpinned the combadge from her collar. She followed them past the gate and into the shanty town. When they were away from any prying eyes, Chakotay brought the combadge to his mouth.

oooOooo

Kathryn waited anxiously for a few interminable minutes, exchanging hopeful and impatient looks with the others. Until suddenly there were two clicks coming from the combadge in her hand.

Kathryn grinned in relief. She imitated the signal, clicking her own combadge twice, before bringing it closer to her mouth so she could whisper. The others surrounded her to hide her from outside view. She turned around to look outside, beyond the strollers and the town, wondering where he was. Wondering if he could see her. “You know, when you resigned you could have told me you meant to become a dog trainer,” she drawled, “I’d have given you a reference.” She was joking about it now, but they both knew that Kathryn had been in no frame of mind to accept any explanations he might have offered that day, even if he had tried. Perhaps this was her way of apologizing for her reaction that day.

Luckily, Chakotay seemed to only focus on the teasing because when he turned on his combadge, it was to chuckle, the sound as soothing to her ears as the sound of a breeze through the trees. “What, you mean you didn’t learn that strategy at the Academy?” He quipped and Kathryn could hear the smile in his voice. That voice! She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed it until then. For a delicious second, she forgot about the anguish and anger of the last several weeks and let herself relish their banter.

“I must have missed that class.”

Chakotay chuckled again, but then his voice sobered. “Sorry about that, I couldn’t approach the fence without drawing attention, so I had to get creative. Is everyone alright?”

Kathryn glanced at the others and, seeing their nodding faces, she passed along the sentiment. “Yes. We’re fine. What are you doing here?”

“That’s a long story,” he replied on a sigh.

“Chakotay, do you know what happened to the rest of the crew?” She asked, anxiously waiting for his answer.

It came a second later. “They’re fine.” They all shared a sigh of relief. “Tuvok said a Starfleet rescue party picked them up from the pods.”

She blinked in surprise. Even Seven’s eyebrows rose so high they almost reached her hairline. “Did you say Tuvok?”

“That’s another long story,” he replied.

“So you know about Voyager,” Kathryn said, her voice dipping lower, the grief tightening her throat. She avoided meeting the others’ gazes.

“Yes. Yes. Kathryn, I was there.” His voice was full of sorrow, but Kathryn frowned again. He had been there? He seemed to shake himself. “Listen, as much as I’d love to stay and chat, the longer we stand here, the longer it’s going to take to get you out of there. I just wanted to tell you to get ready. I need to go for a while, but I’ll be back as soon as I can – might be a few hours. When you get my signal, gather together as close as you can and stand ready.”

“What’s the signal?”

“I don’t want to reveal too much on this frequency. You’ll know it when you see it, trust me.”

Kathryn nodded, and when she looked around at the others, saw that they were nodding too, stern determination hardening their expression. “We’ll be ready.”

“Just hang in there. I’ll see you all soon. Chakotay out.”

oooOooo

Chakotay couldn’t quite contain his excitement and anxiety as he and Sébas flew back to Neathina to report their findings to the Wraiths. While on route, he took a moment to step into the back to contact Tuvok, doing so secretly just in case Sébas’s allegiances changed again. He updated the lieutenant commander on the situation and confirmed making contact with Captain Janeway, Seven, Harry Kim, as well as two additional crewmembers that Chakotay didn’t know. He had a plan, so he told Tuvok about it. For it to work, he needed to involve Starfleet and find a way to coordinate their efforts.

Once back at the hideout, it was surprisingly easy to convince the Wraiths to go back to raid the scavengers’ compound. They had brought with them the telemetry they had recorded when the ship had picked up the Starfleet-issued combadges. The image showed the basic layout of the compound, and the ship’s analysis of the technology, identifying it as Federation. The telemetry didn’t say anything about what the technology was exactly, only that it had a Federation signature. This seemed enough to convince Katan of Chakotay’s lie: that the generators were in fact at the compound. In actuality, Chakotay doubted that the generators would have survived the explosion, but so long as Katan believed it, his plan had a chance to work.

With the “evidence” from the scanners, and the element of surprise that a cloaked ship would afford them, the gang was quick to jump in on the action, eager at the prospect of both getting their dues, and sticking one to the Scavengers at the same time. Sébas actually said very little while Chakotay reported to Katan, but what he did say was convincing, if only because of the categorical tone and stern determination in his expression as he confirmed Chakotay’s version.

Katan then came up with a simple plan of how they would raid the compound, and Chakotay agreed to it. All was going as planned. So far.

oooOooo

_A/N: A good rescue requires good planning, but will it work?? Find out in the next chapter ;-)_


	8. Chapter 8

When the Wraiths arrived back at the Doldrums aboard Chakotay’s Klingon raider, Chakotay did his best to stop his hands from shaking as he pushed buttons and eased the raider into the planet’s atmosphere. His plan was in motion, but it was hard to keep himself from thinking about the dozens of ways it could go wrong. Katan came to stand behind him to look at the sensors over his shoulder and Chakotay struggled to ignore his presence, while he made sure to know where Jem was at all times. He wouldn’t get caught unawares twice.

As if on cue, the sensors beeped and Chakotay nodded. “Alright, we’re here,” he told the team.

Katan nodded, then turned his head toward his brother and nodded. Punjan got his computer and started typing to hack into the compound security system – as planned. Chakotay exchanged a quick look with Sébas. He hadn’t told him exactly what he intended to do (not trusting him _completely_ ), but Sébas was smart and experienced, so Chakotay was pretty sure he had a good idea of Chakotay’s plan by now – well, at least half of it.

The sun was getting lower over the sand dunes, plunging parts of the compound and the shanty town around it into darkness. Chakotay checked the time. He willed his body not to show any of the nervousness he felt. Any second now.

He waited impatiently for Punjan to do his thing, biting his lips, as he circled the ship in wide orbits over the compound, noticing how small fires and light sources popped up in the shanty town below.

Suddenly the sensors beeped, drawing his attention to the screens. Chakotay fought hard not to let out a relieved exhale and an excited grin.

Right on time.

“What’s going on?” Katan asked.

"There's another ship coming," Chakotay replied, feigning surprise while he turned on the viewscreen. Another much larger ship was slowly descending into the atmosphere, its lights blinding in the growing darkness around them: the Federation Starship USS Aspire! A number of smaller ships accompanied it.

“What the hell?” Sébas blurted in genuine surprise (that was the half of the plan he had not known about).

Chakotay focused back on the plan. “They must be here for the Scavengers. Whatever you’re going to do,” Chakotay told Katan urgently, “we need to do it now!”

Katan’s eyes were wide as he gaped at the large Nebula-class starship. Chakotay felt a strong sense of satisfaction at the panic in Katan’s eyes. Then the man redirected his gaze to his brother. “Jan? How’s it coming?” He yelled.

ooOoo

Kathryn was fighting hard not to fall asleep. Most of the compound had been plunged into darkness a few minutes ago. The other prisoners had settled with the darkness, finding a small spot to sit or lie down. Kathryn still sat against the fence with Seven and the others. They had stopped talking and speculating and marveling at their luck that Chakotay had found them a long time ago. And now they were just waiting. Hoping. Dreading that something would happen to keep Chakotay from getting them out of there. Kathryn herself had been mostly quiet as she rode her own rollercoaster of emotions. Once second she’d feel a soaring of elation, then her stomach would drop in doubt, then swell up in elation again, before moving to confusion, then frustration, then dread, then hope. And all of those questions swirling in her mind about Chakotay, his presence here… It was exhausting.

As Kathryn leaned her head back against the fence, her eyes seemed to close on their own volition. She forced herself to straighten. She glanced at Seven sitting next to her, her back to the fence, her arms circling her knees. She looked wide awake. Kathryn idly wondered how Seven would adapt to the loss of her regeneration alcove. Luckily there was one on Earth, Icheb’s, but it was more likely that the both of them would have to wean themselves off the technology from now on. The Doctor would be valuable in that – well, that is if his program had survived the explosion she’d felt rock her pod in the first place. Her chest tightened.

Some conversation might distract her and help her stay awake, so she glanced at Seven again. “It didn’t even occur to me to let you speak to Chakotay with the combadge earlier,” Kathryn said quietly. “I’m sure he would have liked to hear from you.”

Seven’s gaze darted to her before she turned her head again. “There’s no need to concern yourself, I assure you. It made sense for you to be the one to speak with him. Besides, there was little time for sentimentality.”

Kathryn studied her profile. “Last time we talked about him, you told me you wished to end your involvement. Do you still feel that way?” She asked softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

Seven raised an eyebrow. “I have not changed my mind.”

“How do you think he’ll take it?”

Kathryn couldn’t stop thinking about Chakotay’s expression when their eyes had met earlier. The intensity of it, the yearning behind it – it had taken her breath away. So she couldn’t help but wonder… When he had pushed her away that night, she had imagined that it was because of Seven. Because of what her future self had revealed to her about their relationship. _Her husband._ She had convinced herself that she’d just been too late. That Chakotay had moved on. But that look on his face earlier… Could it be possible that this was not the reason at all? Seven had mentioned that they had decided to “take a break,” after all. Up until that moment she had been determined to fix things with him so that they could go back to the way things had been before, but now… Hope flared and burned.

At her question, Seven turned her head in her direction. Her eyebrows pinched together. “I’m certain he will be fine. We were never fully committed to each other, not as other couples are. In fact-”

At that moment the roar of powerful engines roared high above them, the sound increasing with each passing second, making the ground and the compound walls shake from the intensity of the vibrations. Kathryn knew that sound all too well: this was the sound of a Federation starship engine! Her heart leapt. All around them people started to stir, looking around in confusion, trying to muffle the noise with their hands over their ears.

“The Federation!” Someone shouted. “The Federation is here to rescue us!”

Confused whispers coursed through the crowd, and suddenly it was pure chaos as the prisoners started yelling at the sky, as if the people aboard the ship would be able to hear them. Outside the walls, guards were scrambling away or looking at each other in indecision, while many of the inhabitants of the town started hiding or running away. Meanwhile, smaller ships flew down from above and landed all around the compounds.

Kathryn exchanged a look with Seven before they jumped to their feet, rousing the others with touches on their shoulders. “The signal?” Seven asked.

Kathryn grinned. “The signal.”

oooOooo

Aboard the USS Aspire, Tuvok and Admiral Mendez stepped onto the bridge just as Captain Asani was opening a channel with whoever was in charge of the compound. Tuvok went to tactical, and was relieved to find that the sensors had picked up two combadge signals from the surface below them – as Mr. Chakotay had reported in his last report. However, Chakotay had also reported that transporters would be useless unless the force field protecting the compound was disabled. That was where Chakotay himself would come in.

“This is the USS Starship Aspire,” Captain Asani was saying, “we join the local law enforcement with a warrant to search the premises. We have reason to believe some of our people have been taken unwillingly.” Mendez snorted at that and Tuvok raised an eyebrow at her reaction, though he agreed with the sentiment. “We request to speak to whoever is in charge.”

Suddenly a middle aged man appeared on the screen, looking nervous.

While Captain Asani talked with him, explaining to him that the local law enforcement were surrounding the compound to search for evidence of illegal trafficking of arms and individuals, Tuvok addressed the officer at tactical. “Are there any signs that Chakotay is here as well, as per his indication?”

“Not yet, but if they’re cloaked…” The officer trailed off.

“Of course. Then we will just have to wait and trust that all is going according to plan on his end.”

oooOooo

Everything was going according to plan so far.

“Erm, my code isn’t working,” Punjan said suddenly, a deep frown on his face, the sense of urgency twisting his face into a mask of worry.

_Of course,_ Chakotay cursed to himself. Why couldn’t the plan go without a glitch, for once?

“What do you mean?” Katan asked, scowling, his expression betraying his anxiety in the face of the presence of Starfleet and the raid that was about to start below. 

“I mean what I just said! I can’t lower the shields of the compounds from here!”

Chakotay bit his cheek and cursed mentally – the whole plan relied on Punjan being able to lower the shields. If he couldn’t do it-

“Try again,” Katan ordered as he went to look over his brother’s shoulder.

Punjan typed in again, and then looked up at Katan, as if to say ‘see’?

“Well, that plan is out of the window,” Katan declared angrily, turning back to Chakotay.

Chakotay affected a ‘what are you looking at me for’ kind of shrug. “It was _your_ plan, Katan,” he reminded him, though his thoughts raced with possible solutions. He _needed_ those shields down.

“Maybe it’s not completely out of the window yet,” Jem chimed in suddenly as she rose from her seat to approach Chakotay, her expression eerily similar to B’Elanna’s when she had a crazy idea. He tensed instinctively as she leaned over his shoulder and pointed to a spot on the viewscreen. “See that area of the shields, where the shimmering is dimmer?”

Chakotay frowned as he followed her gaze. “Actually no. I can’t see the shield at all. Are you saying you can?” Chakotay replied as he stared up at her. The wonder he’d felt when he had first met her made a brief return, for a second overshadowing his fear and suspicion of her.

She sighed in frustration. “Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. Well, I’m telling you – fire a torpedo right at that spot and it will neutralize the shield. It’s the weak spot of this entire defense system.”

“How do you know?” Sébas asked as he came to watch as well.

“I don’t. Not for sure. But it makes sense.”

Chakotay looked at Katan impatiently, waiting for his decision. Katan took a second to consider, then gave his nod.

Chakotay nodded to himself, inhaled, and fired.

oooOooo

The prisoners were charging at the fences now, some climbing, some trying to cut through with their bare hands, slowly turning into a mob hellbent on getting out of there one way or another. Kathryn grabbed Seven and motioned to the others to step away from the commotion to make sure they wouldn’t get separated.

Suddenly the whizzing sound of an incoming torpedo echoed across the court, and Kathryn instinctively ducked and covered her head with her arms, the others imitating her. On the other side of the compound, an explosion rocked the walls and shook the ground, sparking even more chaotic shouting from the prisoners, the guards and the other bystanders.

oooOooo

“ _That’s_ what I’m talking about!” Punjan shouted excitedly at the sight of the explosion. As per Jem’s prediction, the Klingon raider detected it the second the compound’s shield failed. They now had free access to use the transporters.

Katan looked back at Chakotay eagerly, and gave the nod. “Let’s do this now before that starship takes an interest in us!”

Chakotay gave an acknowledging nod. “Coming right up,” he said, keeping his smirk in check. He exchanged one quick glance with Sébas, before he programmed the transporters to aim for specific target parameters. And then he activated the transporters.

oooOooo

Kathryn and the others hugged the fence, trying to get out of the way as much as possible. She was about to shout to the others to move again, when the telltale shimmering of the transporters surrounded their group.

A second later, they found themselves standing close together on the bridge of what appeared to be a small Klingon ship. Time seemed to stand still for one long second as Kathryn and the others found their bearing, and those already aboard the ship stood in stunned surprise by their sudden appearance on board. Kathryn's eyes instinctively slid across that space and she was half-surprised when they found Chakotay's gaze, who was standing near the piloting station. She barely had time to notice that he wasn't alone when suddenly that moment of stillness passed, and everyone started into action. To her surprise, Chakotay lunged toward a young woman who stood next to him, while one of Chakotay's companions – the one who had been with him earlier at the compound – jumped a dark-haired and rough-looking man, disarming him and punching. Kathryn sprang into motion at the same time as the rest of her own group when the fifth passenger – a young man in his mid-twenties – recovered from his surprise and lunged at them. Between Seven and Commander Hale, he was quickly apprehended and disarmed. Meanwhile, the two strangers were fighting with violent blows and punches to each other's faces. Harry and Ensign Marquez teamed up with Chakotay's friend – hoping he was on their side – and between the three of them, they were able to immobilize the stranger.

oooOooo

Chakotay knew the element of surprise had only afforded him an advantage for a fraction of a second. And that moment was long passed. Jem didn’t morph this time, but despite how petite her human form was, her strength and speed were the same as before. She shrieked in rage as she pushed him away and her foot came to connect with the side of his face. The blow stunned him. He had barely recovered before she lunged at him again, that green shimmer back in her eyes. As Chakotay tried and failed to block her attacks, he quickly noticed from the corner of his eye that Sébas and Harry had apprehended Katan and were trying to restrain him while Seven was tying up Punjan.

“Stop it, right there.”

That commanding voice.

Surprisingly – or perhaps not so surprisingly – Jem obeyed and stopped her attack on Chakotay. She stared at Kathryn in confusion, as if trying to make sense of her. Her strange eyes fell on the phaser in Kathryn’s hand, which Seven had probably retrieved from Punjan’s belt after he’d been neutralized. “Step away from him,” Kathryn ordered as she slowly moved sideways, closer to Chakotay. Seven and Harry rushed over, but Chakotay gestured for them not to make any sudden moves. They had no idea what they were dealing with.

Jem’s eyes slowly returned to Chakotay as she stepped slowly backwards and relaxed her stance. She gave him an eerie toothy smile. After seeing how savagely she fought, Chakotay almost expected her teeth to be sharp, but no, they were normal human teeth. “Turns out I was wrong about you. Well played.” The green in her eyes faded. Kathryn stepped beside him and their eyes met for one, glorious, second.

Jem took advantage of that moment of distraction to dive for the controls of the ship, and push the buttons. Kathryn stunned her with the phaser an instant later, but it had no effect. It only served to enrage Jem more. With one angry movement of her hand, she punched the final command, her eyes on Chakotay – as if she were imagining she were punching _his_ face instead. Chakotay felt a shiver roll down his spine at the chilly look in her eyes.

And then she disappeared into a transporter beam.

Seven ran up to the controls, but Chakotay raised his hand to stop her, doubling over at the old and new pains in his side. “Seven, let her go. Let her go,” he panted.

He felt Kathryn’s hands on his arm and shoulder to help him straighten up and he turned his head to smile at her, though it was strained. “Thank you for the help in apprehending these criminals. Much appreciated,” he croaked through his heaving, while his eyes roamed her face hungrily.

She gave a slight shrug, one corner of her mouth curling upward at the same time as her eyebrow did. “Oh it was the least we could do, after you busted us out of there,” she replied in the same tone, her eyes surveying his face, much in the same, stunned and relieved way as he did her. She was dirty with residual sweat and grime, and her lips were chapped from dehydration, but her eyes were soft, almost uncertain, as they met his. He was struck by how beautiful she looked, how compelling that soft expression was. It suddenly dawned on him what a mess _he_ was – unshaven, bloody, his hair too long – a far cry from the clean-cut Starfleet officer she had grown used to.

“Sir, what’s going on?” Harry cut in, breaking the moment, and Chakotay saw the question reflected in everybody else’s expressions. Right. Suddenly Chakotay remembered that he wasn’t quite done yet. He raised his hand to halt the questions as he limped his way to the controls and decloaked the ship.

Then he opened a channel with Aspire. “Aspire, this is Chakotay, come in.”

“Mr. Chakotay. Good to hear from you at last. I take it things went according to plan on your end?” A disembodied voice asked – the captain of Aspire.

Chakotay nodded, for the first time assessing the results of his plan. It had worked to perfection. Well, almost. Jem had managed to escape, but not bad overall. “I’m happy to report that all five Voyager crewmembers are accounted for. And we have apprehended two of the Wraiths.”

“Make that three.”

Chakotay’s eyes shot to Sébas, who was walking toward him, extending both arms forward, as if waiting for Chakotay to cuff him. Chakotay sighed, frowning. “We would never have found them in time if you hadn’t shared what you knew,” Chakotay told him. “In my book that’s worth something.”

“Maybe it’s worth something, but it’s not worth enough. My debt hasn’t been repaid, yet,” Sébas said, his tone final. Chakotay knew he wouldn’t be able to change his mind, so he took the binding that Harry handed to him and tied Sébas’s hands. “I’m sorry for what happened to your ship, Captain,” he told Kathryn, his expression grave, his face bloody from Katan’s blows.

Kathryn eyed him for a long second, then she nodded once in acknowledgement.

Chakotay returned his attention to the comm link. “I confirm that we have the Wraiths Katan, Punjan and Sébastien in custody,” he rectified.

“Very good. We’ll rendezvous in orbit. We look forward to the briefing.”

“This is Captain Janeway. Some of us require medical assistance,” she said as she gave Chakotay a stern glance over, challenging him to argue. He didn’t dare.

“Understood. We’ll transport you all directly to our sickbay when we reach orbit. Asani out.”

“Lieutenant Kim, you ever flown one of these things?” Chakotay asked with as big a grin as he could manage. “Here’s your chance.” The young lieutenant smiled at Chakotay, and at the recognition of his new rank as he eagerly sat at the controls, and Chakotay patted his shoulder as he passed by him.

The two unfamiliar officers, a Lieutenant Commander and an Ensign, shook Chakotay’s hand, thanking him, before joining Harry at the commands. As Chakotay moved to the back of the ship to check on the prisoners, Kathryn and Seven met up with him. It occurred to him that this should be awkward, but for some reason it wasn’t. Seven bore a relieved and curious expression, but nothing that would suggest she still had feelings for him. And Kathryn was… still searching his face, as if she wasn’t quite sure what to make of his unexpected reappearance. As if she was debating whether to punch him in the face for leaving, or to hug him for returning. He couldn’t blame her. If he were in her shoes he’d probably go for the punching. Questions danced in her eyes and furrowed her brows. Chakotay opened his mouth to provide the beginning of an explanation, but she beat him to it.

“Friends of yours?” She asked with a head motion toward the Wraiths.

Katan was coming to after being knocked around and he spat blood out of his mouth – no doubt a present from Sébas’s fists, while Sébas leaned his head back against the bulkhead, resigned, and Punjan just stared into space, scowling, his lips a tight line.

“Not quite,” Chakotay replied.

Katan laughed his eerie, careless laugh. “And here I thought we had the beginning of a beautiful friendship,” he struggled against the ties at his wrists and ankles. “You’re going to pay for this,” he growled at Chakotay and Sébas, and followed his threat with a tirade of rather creative insults. Chakotay scratched his forehead with his thumb as he exchanged a look with Kathryn, who had raised an eyebrow.

“Colorful language,” Seven stated, to which Chakotay could only nod.

While Katan went on, threatening him with all manners of evil, Chakotay approached him and stood over him for a moment. He bent at the waist, ignoring the pain in his ribs, to stare at Katan menacingly. “This, over here is the captain of the starship Voyager. That’s her ship you destroyed. And her crew that you put in danger. In her eyes, and in the eyes of Starfleet, there is no greater offense. So as much as I’d love to shut you up, I’m not the one you should be worried about right now. She’s been known to hold a grudge.”

As if on cue, Kathryn approached Katan threateningly, the phaser still in her hand, her face the perfect picture of righteous anger. Katan had the good sense to lose the cockiness in his expression. With a satisfied smirk, Chakotay half-turned toward Kathryn, his gaze still on Katan. “Captain Janeway, meet Katan.”

“Oh we’ve met,” Kathryn spat, her voice low and menacing.

“Look, it was an accident, I swear, I-”

“Oh for goodness’ sake, just gag him,” Kathryn ordered with an exhausted roll of her eyes. “I’m not in the mood to listen to this.” She turned, gave the phaser to Chakotay, and went to stand by Harry.

“Captain’s orders,” Chakotay told Katan with a shrug as he gagged him. Katan tried to kick him but Chakotay easily stepped aside. He shook his head as he went to stand with the others.

“Captain, we’ve arrived at the rendezvous coordinates with Aspire,” Harry told them.

~~o~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I sort of envision this story as a two-parter episode, so we are nearing the end of Part 1 now...


	9. Chapter 9

Kathryn, Chakotay and the others were transported to the USS Aspire sickbay instantly, while Chakotay’s prisoners were transported directly into the ship’s brig. The CMO, a Dr. Abdel, quickly dispatched her nurses to triage the incoming patients.

Kathryn had to admit, it was strange to be in a starship sickbay without the Doctor. Hopefully someone had been able to save his program too. Her heart constricted with an all-too-familiar pain at the thought of what had happened, the real and potential losses, but she pushed it to the back of her mind. She’d have time to grieve later.

Doctor Abdel quickly identified Chakotay as the patient with the most severe injuries, since the rest of them were dehydrated but relatively fine, so she took him to a biobed in the next room for bone-mending surgery, while nurses took the rest of them to their own biobeds in the common room for rehydration. Chakotay looked over his shoulder at them once, his eyes catching hers, while he was led away. He bit his lips, as if dying to say something but knowing it wasn’t the right moment. Kathryn watched him go, unable to look away. Wondering. Worrying. Yearning. Fuming. Loving. All at once. And not caring that it didn’t make any sense to be feeling all of that simultaneously.

While they all settled in their respective biobeds, there was a rush at the entrance, and when Kathryn looked up, her eyes widened to see Tom, B’Elanna with Miral in her arms, Commander Nobrega and the Doctor pushing through the nurse who tried to restrict their coming into sickbay, arguing loudly that they needed to see that they were okay for themselves. Kathryn beamed, tears of relief and joy swelling in her eyes when they finally came in.

“We were so worried, Captain!” B’Elanna exclaimed, smiling with so much emotion that she looked like she was on the verge of tears.

Kathryn beamed at them. “Oh it’s such a relief to see you all!” She replied emotionally as she reached out to squeeze Tom’s arm and nodded at Commander Nobrega and the others.

“Chakotay?” B’Elanna asked Kathryn, disbelievingly, and a hint of resentment tainting her tone. With Kathryn herself, B’Elanna had probably been the one who had taken Chakotay’s sudden departure the hardest. The flash of anger in her eyes quickly gave way to relief, though, when Kathryn told them Chakotay had found and rescued them, and sustained some injuries while doing it.

“Has he said anything? Offered any kinds of explanation?” B’Elanna asked, in a softer tone, but still frowning.

Kathryn shook her head.

At that moment Captain Asani entered sickbay with Tuvok in tow, as well as a dark-haired female Starfleet officer. Kathryn beamed in surprise at the sight of her old friend, but instinctively straightened when she noticed that the unknown officer’s rank was that of an admiral.

The three of them walked up to their small group. Captain Asani nodded her greetings to the new arrivals, eventually looking at Kathryn. “Captain. Crewmen. Welcome to Aspire. Please do let me or my staff know if you need anything.” She gestured to the woman next to her. “And of course Commander Tuvok doesn’t require an introduction.” Tuvok nodded despite being the recipient of about six pairs of raised eyebrows.

“It is good to see you all,” Tuvok told them gravely, meeting their eyes.

Captain Asani went on, indicating the admiral with her hand. “This is Admiral Mendez.”

The admiral nodded. “Let me just say what a relief it is to find you safe and sound, captain. All of you.”

Kathryn nodded her thanks, but her brows furrowed together, expecting this to be anything but a social call. She knew she’d have to answer to Starfleet for what had happened to Voyager eventually, so she squared her shoulders and took in a bracing breath. But then Mendez surprised her by redirecting her gaze to Tuvok.

“Commander, come with me if you please.” Then she looked around, searching. “Mr. Chakotay?” She asked one of the nurses. When the nurse told her where to find Chakotay, Mendez nodded to them all, before motioning to Tuvok to follow her to Chakotay’s room. Tuvok looked strangely relieved to escape.

“Well,” Tom said eventually, “I’m sure Chakotay will explain at some point. Right?”

“If he doesn’t, we’ll just have to make him,” B’Elanna added with a dangerous smirk.

Kathryn found she rather liked that idea.

oooOooo

Just as Dr. Abdel finished mending Chakotay’s broken ribs and healing his injuries, Admiral Mendez came in to convene Chakotay and Tuvok for a private meeting to discuss everything that had happened. Dr. Abdel left them alone with a nod and an order for Chakotay to rest. Chakotay looked longingly toward the door, knowing that the rest of the Voyager senior officers were probably still on the other side, wondering what the hell was going on. He could almost feel their questions burning a hole through that wall.

“How did it go at the Scavenger’s compounds?” Chakotay asked Admiral Mendez as they settled around the desk in one corner of the room.

Admiral Mendez gave her little corner smile. “It was as you reported. The local law enforcement agencies made multiple arrests at the compound and in the nearby town. However it seems like we’re still missing the key players. I confess I’m impressed, Mr. Chakotay. We had been hearing reports of colonists disappearing for a while now, but could never pinpoint how or where. Without you it’s unlikely we would have been able to make such a discovery. Starfleet Command has agreed to oversee a more formal investigation. I have a feeling we just put a finger on the tip of a much larger problem.”

“I’m glad I was able to help with that, at least.” Chakotay replied. “Those prisoners…” He shook his head at the memory. “Though it was really Sébas’ intel that led me here.”

Mendez nodded. “We will make sure to note this in his arrest report. It might help his case down the line. What is your recommendation concerning Jem?” She asked him.

Chakotay let out a long sigh, still amazed to find that the pain that had plagued his side was truly gone, thanks to the miracle that was 24th-century medicine. “I think she’s long gone, and, being a shapeshifter, there’s no telling what form she’ll assume from now on. But in retrospect, of all the Wraiths, she was probably the most dangerous and unpredictable one. I’d definitely keep an eye out for her.” In fact, he’d even wondered…

“I’ve instructed Captain Asani to take us back to Mona Prime, in order to raid the Wraiths’ hide-out locations. We hope to collect evidence of their activities in preparation for their indictment. They will of course be charged with grand larceny.”

Chakotay nodded. “Even though I’m no longer Starfleet, I’d be happy to lead an away team down there if you want me to. I know the layout.”

Mendez looked at him with genuine surprise. “You have more than fulfilled the conditions of our agreement, Mr. Chakotay.” Was that guilt, he saw in her eyes?

“I’m glad to hear that,” Chakotay replied with a small smile and a nod, “I look forward to returning to my life. But I don’t like leaving things unfinished.” It was bad enough that he couldn’t get anything on the Boss… “Besides, it will give me a chance to clear out my apartment.” And get Calypso. Not quite knowing how it would turn out, Chakotay had insisted for her to stay behind this time.

“Very well. Be ready to transport down to Mona Prime in 45 minutes.”

Chakotay had only time to take a shower and replicate a quick meal before it was time to go down to the surface of Mona Prime. He had hoped to speak with Seven and Kathryn before then, but they, along with Harry and the officers who had been captured, had been ushered into a conference call with Starfleet Command, no doubt for some debriefing of their own. The waiting and longing to explain himself weighed on him, and he couldn’t wait to get everything else out of the way so that he could just return to those he cared about and focus on gaining back their trust.

He tried to empty his mind of any thoughts, or hopes or expectations, as he took the away team of security officers and investigators to the Wraiths’ hideout on the beach. Unsurprisingly, the place was deserted, looking exactly as they had left it several hours before. It didn’t look as though Jem had been here at all – which was not surprising. He wouldn’t have expected her to find a way back to Mona Prime so quickly and beat them here. If she meant to return at all. He supposed there was a good chance he might never know.

While the investigating team busied themselves with collecting evidence, considering the area as a crime scene, Chakotay went back to his apartment. His heart gave a little squeeze when he saw that Calypso had been waiting for him, lying down in front of the door to his apartment, looking forlorn.

“It’s okay. I’m taking you with me next time,” he told her as he petted her head and scratched her ears while she tried to lick his face.

He was almost done packing his clothes and other personal items when the telltale sound of a transporter beam drew his attention. Seven materialized and looked around the small apartment for a moment, as if surprised to find that he’d actually lived in such tight quarters for a month. Calypso went to sniff her legs but quickly deemed Seven not to be a threat because she went back to sleeping on the floor, where there was a small patch of sunlight coming through the window.

“Hi,” Chakotay said softly.

Seven turned to face him but didn’t make a move to step closer. “I apologize for coming unannounced.”

Chakotay smiled, then shook his head, assuaging her concern. “How was the briefing?”

“Informative.”

Chakotay sighed, figuring they were done with small talk. “I’m glad you’re here.” He paused, trying to read her expression and figure out what she was thinking. Her face was so still it was hard to tell. “I know we have some things to talk about,” he added, gauging her reaction.

She inhaled and gave a small nod.

“Let’s take a walk,” Chakotay suggested as he closed his bag and led Seven outside, Calypso trotting happily next to them. It was that time in the evening when things quieted down a little in the market while the street vendors started packing for the night, a couple of hours before sundown. He slowly led them through the town, toward the beach, nodding to a few familiar faces along the way.

“So, I suppose I should start,” Chakotay said, biting his lips, when the silence seemed to stretch between them. He’d rehearsed this in his head so many times, but now words eluded him. In the end, he settled for the truth. “I’m sorry for leaving things so... upended between us. I wanted to contact you, to explain. And apologize.” He then told her Admiral Mendez’s deal, and how he’d been under orders not to say anything about his undercover mission.

When he was done Seven glanced at him sideways. “Thank you. But there’s no need to apologize, I assure you. I am curious to learn how you discovered us on that…planet. However I know you have decided to brief everyone at once tomorrow morning to avoid reiterating the same story constantly. It will indeed be much more efficient to tell everyone at once. I can wait.”

Chakotay smiled at her infallible desire for efficiency as he glanced at her. She looked sincere about the apology. “Still. I told myself that I was leaving for the greater good, but… the truth is, I acted like a coward, and I’m sorry if I hurt you in the process. That was never my intention.”

Seven’s brows furrowed together. “You didn’t.” She inhaled again, clasping her hands behind her. “This has been weighing on me as well. I have long realized that, the fact that your departure did not affect me in any substantial way only confirmed my growing suspicions.”

Chakotay stopped walking to face her. “That our relationship had already been over by then,” he completed for her, nodding.

She met his eyes, breathing in through her nose. “Yes.”

“Yes. I’ve known too, for a while.” He resumed walking and she followed him. “What do you think went wrong? Aside from the fact that I left, I mean,” he asked her after a moment, frowning curiously. After all, he had been happy for a while, thinking that she might actually help him move on from Kathryn.

But then he realized – _that_ was precisely what had gone wrong.

She chuckled in genuine surprise – a rare sound – as if stunned that he would have to ask. “It was not because of your actions, if that’s what you are asking – well, not entirely.”

Chakotay’s eyebrows raised, his lips curving. “Really? You’re giving me the Seven version of ‘it’s not you it’s me’ speech?” He asked, amused despite the fact that they were actually in the middle of breaking up. Though she was right – in reality their relationship had long been over. Only this made it official.

She blushed a little from his teasing while she shook her head. “I realized that my feelings for you were not… romantic,” she explained. “Your leaving only confirmed this realization. I could see how distressing your departure was for others, for the captain, but I…” She shook her head, her lips curving in a lopsided smile. “I felt… only confusion about your motives. In actuality, I believe a part of me was… relieved.”

Chakotay nodded, glad that she trusted him enough to tell him all of this. That their relationship hadn’t been damaged by their ill-fated romance. “Still. I’m sorry for putting you through all that. You deserve so much better.”

She met his eyes squarely, inhaling in that way that made one of her shoulders come forward slightly. “I am not sorry. Though short, our relationship has taught me much, about myself as an individual. It made me realize that I still have a lot to learn about my humanity before I can pair bond with another individual.”

Chakotay let a slow smile curve his lips at her choice of words. It was just so… _Seven_ to phrase it like that. He snorted derisively, shaking his head. “Then I’m a lucky bastard. For being let off the hook so easily when I deserve… I don’t know, _something_.”

Her lips curved upward as she threw him a teasing sidelong glance. “Well, you should refrain from celebrating too prematurely. From what I understand, you have yet to explain yourself to Captain Janeway. Or Lieutenant Torres.” Her eyes danced with wry amusement.

Chakotay let out a quick, rueful chuckle. “That bad?”

Seven raised a delicate eyebrow. “I recommend protective gear.”

Chakotay laughed, nodding. Then he sobered as he looked at her. “It’s good to see you, Annika. I’m really glad you’re safe.”

She smiled, nodding. “Likewise.”

“And I _am_ sorry about Voyager. I know the ship had become your home,” Chakotay said, frowning at the guilt and sadness suddenly tightening his chest.

“Yes. Well…” Seven glanced around for a moment, as if taking in the beautiful landscape and gathering her composure. Despite her best efforts to hide it, he knew she must be grieving in her own way. But then she squared her shoulder and raised an eyebrow at him. “I will adapt.”

Chakotay smiled softly. “Yes. Yes you will.”

Though the sadness lingered in him, Chakotay suddenly felt lighter than he had in weeks. He glanced around, inhaling the brine-scented breeze and taking it in. He stopped walking again. “We should probably head back. I need to finish packing before Captain Janeway tells Captain Asani to leave me behind as punishment,” he said jokingly.

Seven smirked. “From what I have observed of her reaction to your departure, she is far more likely to send you to the brig to ensure you never leave again.”

oooOooo

Kathryn felt emotionally and physically drained.

She sat sideways on the couch of her temporary quarters aboard Aspire, looking toward the unfamiliar stars out the window, lost in thought. After a short stop at Mona Prime, Aspire was now on her way back to Earth, to return the now shipless Voyager crew home for the time being.

Kathryn’s brain still hadn’t truly processed that she had lost her ship. Her home. During the briefing with Starfleet Command and her senior officers earlier that evening, Admiral Hayes had hinted that Starfleet was considering rebuilding Voyager from the parts that had been salvaged (both from the wreckage and from what the Scavengers had stolen), but…

But.

That would take months. And it would not be _her_ Voyager, the ship that had taken them to the other end of the galaxy and back. The ship that she had spoken to when she thought no one was listening. The ship they had turned into a home through memories, and friendships. _It was just a ship,_ she kept telling herself. Except it wasn’t. She hadn’t truly realized just what that ship had meant to her, to her sense of identity. For over seven years, she had been Captain Kathryn Janeway, of the starship Voyager. But now… Kathryn knew she’d need time to accept the truth of it. The scope of her loss. It was just so… big. She was still eternally grateful to whatever divinity there might be out there that her crew had survived. Because if they hadn’t… She couldn’t even fathom the alternative. It would have simply destroyed her.

The same briefing with Starfleet and her senior officers had been informative, though. It had answered a lot of the questions that had been floating around in her mind. Tom, B’Elanna and Commander Nobrega had been able to tell Kathryn, Seven and the others their versions of what had happened. It had been good to see Commander Nobrega take the lead then, as she took charge of telling the story of how the evacuation had proceeded. It was much to her credit and her quick and efficient response that they had suffered no fatalities, and Kathryn was immensely grateful for that.

Nobrega and Tom had gathered as many crewmembers as they could fit inside the Delta Flyer, while the rest had fled in pods or other shuttles. They had been able to send out a distress signal from the Delta Flyer while they’d worked on using the Flyer’s tractor beam to gather together as many of the jettisoned pods as possible. The task had taken the Flyer all over a rather large area, so the commander had hypothesized that this was when the Scavengers had shown up – they had been so busy looking for their people that they had failed to notice their presence. Eventually, Aspire and the Cousteau had shown up to search for survivors, scaring away the scavenger ships, and later the Einstein, so as not to overwhelm the other ship’s finite resources. The Cousteau and the Einstein had remained at the site of the explosion to salvage as much as they could from what was left of Voyager, whereas Captain Asani of the ship Aspire had gotten orders from Admiral Mendez to rendezvous with Chakotay on the Scavengers’ planet. When they learned that Aspire might be on her way to rescue their missing crewmates, Voyager’s senior officers had refused to stay with the other ships, but had insisted on joining the search.

The rest was history.

But there was one perspective that Kathryn had yet to hear: Chakotay’s. Apparently Admiral Mendez had spirited him away for an away mission on Mona Prime while Kathryn and the other officers had been in their own briefing. But knowing how many questions were floating around about his departure, his return, his presence at the time of the explosion, and how he had discovered the Scavengers’ compounds, Chakotay had told everyone that he would debrief them all at once the next morning. He’d looked exhausted as he’d said it too, as if he was too tired to deal with their reactions. Given how drained she felt herself, Kathryn couldn’t blame him.

She herself was still processing what Tuvok had revealed to her just a few minutes ago, about the real motives for Chakotay’s departure from Voyager. She had ran into her friend in the mess hall – she’d been glad to find him there, especially as she’d been longing to ask him about his health and his time on Vulcan. But of course Tuvok knew her too well, and he anticipated her questions before she even had to ask. So he’d told her about Chakotay’s undercover mission and Mendez’s deal with him. And althought it brought most of the pieces of the puzzle together at last, such as what Chakotay had been doing with that crew of criminals, why he’d left Voyager so suddenly several weeks ago, and why he hadn’t shown up on Earth during their leave, it had raised many, many more questions. And those were not the kinds of questions she would be able to ask at a public briefing.

Kathryn’s mind flashed back to that moment on the desert planet, when their gazes had found each other and locked across the distance. And then later when he had transported them aboard the Klingon raider. In both instances, there had been something so… intense in his expression when he’d looked at her. A heady mix of fierce longing, joy and relief – as if it had taken everything he had not to run to her. That single intense, yearning look, had made hope flare bright and hot in her chest. Because that gaze had sought _her_ out, and no one else. And just like she hadn’t been able to look away from such raw honesty, he hadn’t been able to look away from her either. That look had made her forget that she still wanted to be mad at him.

But the fact was, something strange had happened within her over the last few hours; after the turmoil of the last few days – weeks – all of her anger, her resentment, her guilt, her grief had settled – like a storm had passed through the plains, leaving behind only a slight breeze and a peaceful kind of quiet. Her emotional storm had left her feeling bone tired and raw, but calm. Composed.

Ready.

Ready to get answers. Ready to take the chance. Because at this point she truly had nothing to lose.

It was late, but before she could change her mind, Kathryn stood to her feet and padded to her computer, commanding it to open a video transmission with Chakotay’s terminal. As she waited for him to answer, she went to the replicator and ordered herself a cup of herbal tea, if only for the comfort of a warm beverage.

“Kathryn?” Chakotay’s voice called out curiously. Luckily he didn’t sound like she’d woken him up.

“Starfleet Intelligence, huh?” She drawled by way of greeting as she made her way back to sit at the desk, her tiredness seeping into her voice.

Chakotay’s expression brightened when she came into view on his screen. Apparently while she’d been stuck debriefing Starfleet, he had not only returned to Mona Prime and participated in a raid, but he’d also taken the time to shower and shave. Kathryn had to admit, she rather missed the rugged look the several days-old beard had given him. And though exhaustion came off him in waves (like herself, probably), he still looked unbearably good, especially now that his bruises and bloodied lip had been taken care of. He wore a soft-looking civilian shirt, open at the collar, and Kathryn found her eyes attracted to his neck and that spot she could see on his chest. The healthy glow of his skin made his eyes bright, especially as they now glimmered with a twinkle she knew all too well. Her attraction and her need to be close to him were so strong at that moment her breath caught in her throat.

Oblivious, his lips quirked up at her quip. “It was a temporary alliance, I assure you.” After a beat his expression turned serious, rueful. Tentative. “Admiral Mendez told you?” The question was almost like a statement, his voice going lower.

Kathryn leaned back in her chair to prop her feet against the legs of her desk, bringing her knees up, cradling her mug between her chest and her knees. She took a sip. “Tuvok, actually.”

“Ah.” They fell silent for a moment, and she could tell he was struggling to find the right words to say whatever he thought she wanted to hear.

Kathryn met his eyes on the screen. “I have some questions, if you don’t mind.”

He inhaled, his expression earnest. As if he’d prepared for it. Longed for it, even. “Alright.”

She brought her cup of tea to her nose, then her lips, as she considered where to start. “Tuvok said Admiral Mendez bartered for your freedom in exchange for your participation on that mission. And asked you not to say anything about it. Is that true?”

Chakotay nodded slowly, his eyes studying her face.

Kathryn nodded too, her eyes redirecting to the steam rising from her mug. “So when the Maquis suddenly got pardoned, right after you left… That was because you accepted to do what she asked?”

“Yes. Apparently,” he added on a long exhale.

Kathryn frowned. “I don’t think I like this Admiral Mendez.”

Chakotay let out a surprised chuckle, as if it had just bubbled out of his chest without him realizing. The sound was so spontaneous and heartfelt that Kathryn couldn’t help but smile. It reminded her of another conversation they’d had years ago, when she’d entreated him to join her crew. She’d made him laugh then too. And it had been this sound, this lovely burst of laughter that had made her truly like him. She had never been able to resist men with a sense of humor after all.

After a moment his laughter sobered into a wry smile. “That’s what I thought too, at first, but she turned out to be okay. I think she’s just been in the intelligence and cloak-and-dagger business for too long.”

Kathryn gave a noncommittal tilt of her head, considering the possibility. But then she looked back up at him on the screen. “I understand, you know. Why you left, I mean. Why you accepted that bargain. And though I can’t say that I would have done the same if I’d been in your shoes… I understand. I didn’t at the time, but I do now.”

He nodded, his relief obvious. “Thank you. You have no idea what it means to hear you say that.”

Kathryn gave an acknowledging nod, her brows furrowing. “But there’s something I’ve been wondering about, ever since I found out your true motives for leaving.”

Chakotay nodded again, his expression eager and serious. He leaned closer, leaning his elbows on the desk, encouraging her to go on.

“Would you have accepted the mission, if I hadn’t kissed you that night?” Her voice came out small, betraying her uncertainty, and she wished she could have a second try. To ask with more confidence. But Chakotay’s gaze never wavered from hers on the screen, as if he understood how much this was costing her – to open up like this after what had happened the last time she had done it.

“Yes,” he replied. “I’d pretty much made my decision to accept the deal after you told me how the negotiations with Starfleet Command were going. Not for my sake, but for the others.” His eyes softened, his shoulders deflating. He looked down at his hands for a moment, rubbing his thumb over his palm. “I’m truly sorry for letting you believe that you were the reason I was leaving. But my hands were tied, I couldn’t tell you the truth, so it was simpler to let you draw your own conclusions.” He shook his head. “It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do; leaving your office that day without telling you why. Especially after what had happened between us.”

She nodded, and waited for his gaze to return to hers before she dove in. “I meant it. When I kissed you that night, I meant it. It wasn’t just a case of me forgetting myself. I was perfectly aware and willing.”

He let out a soft, slow exhale, his eyes softening even more, but there was longing and a hint of regret in them too. His throat bobbed when he swallowed. “I know. And you have no idea what it cost me not to kiss you back. I wanted it so badly. I’d wanted it for a … very long time.”

“Why didn’t you?”

He sighed, raking his fingers through his hair. It was an unusual gesture for him, but he had yet to get a haircut, and clearly the slightly longer hair was bothering him, at least subconsciously. “Even though Seven and I had been drifting apart by then, I was still technically seeing her and, well, I had all but made up my mind to accept Mendez’s offer. As much as I wanted it… wanted you,” he rectified, his bluntness bringing warmth to her skin, “I still think it would have been wrong of me to give in that night.” Kathryn felt something warm and tingly spread through her at his words and the obvious longing in his expression, from her heart to the pit of her stomach. Then his lips quirked up, and Kathryn immediately recognized the teasing glint in his eyes. “I’m sorry to criticize my former captain, but your timing was terrible, Kathryn. You couldn’t have picked a worse moment.”

Kathryn snorted, his mischievous expression contagious. But then she sobered again, taking advantage of the bubble of honesty they seemed to be engulfed in. “Was your resignation even real?”

Chakotay frowned at that. “Yes. At least, I think it was. I haven’t actually given that much thought. Mendez never said that I couldn’t rejoin if I wanted to but, now that Voyager is gone…” he faltered, shaking his head, his eyes glimmering with that sad sliver of regret, which was no doubt reflected all over Kathryn’s expression. “I don’t know. I confess I’ve been so focused on getting the mission over with, and on finding a way to explain myself to you… I never really made plans beyond that.”

Kathryn nodded. With Voyager gone, none of them really knew what the future would hold. Some people might take that as an opportunity, or a second chance. Chakotay included. She didn’t think she could see it that way, though.

They fell silent for a moment, Kathryn processing everything that had been said, and Chakotay patiently waiting – for her to ask more questions, or for her to decide where they’d go from there.

“So, if...” she started again, but finding her voice hoarse, she cleared her throat. “If I asked you now, would you say that you still have feelings for Seven?”

He didn’t even blink, his voice as resolute as she’d ever heard him. “I’d tell you openly and honestly, Kathryn, and the answer would be no. I care for her, but I realized a while ago that I’ve never really cared for her in that way. That’s something she and I both agree on, actually. Our relationship just evolved out of… a combination of circumstances. Not love. But it might be good for you to know that we have officially ended our relationship.”

It confirmed what Seven had been telling her. Kathryn nodded again, taking this in.

It seemed like with every one of his answers to her questions Chakotay was slowly but surely dismantling the wall she had built around her heart over the last few weeks. Brick by brick. Stone by stone. Doubt by doubt. Before she irrevocably allowed him through that wall, though, there was one more thing she needed to know. She inhaled slowly before diving in.

“Chakotay,” she rasped, her voice barely making through the sudden lump in her throat, raising her eyes to meet his, “If I went to you now, would you push me away?”

His eyes shone bright in the semi-darkness of his quarters, like embers. He heaved in a shaky breath. His voice was low and soft, like a caress, when he said, “No. Never again, Kathryn.”

“So…” Kathryn rasped again, letting the word trail and hang in the silence between them. She was unable to tear her gaze away from him – his eyes, his mouth, his neck – feeling flushed, and for some reason on the verge of tears and yet finding it hard not to smile, her heart fluttering in sudden anticipation and hope and need and beneath all of that, a hint of residual grief.

“So,” Chakotay repeated slowly, his voice gravelly. He met her emotion for emotion, his face an open book for her to read – and the pages were filled with yearning, and raw hope. He inhaled, then held his breath, his shining eyes pleading. Longing. “Come to me, Kathryn.”

It wasn’t an order, but a plea, a promise.

Kathryn wordlessly cut the transmission, put her mug down and rose to her feet. She forced herself not to think, not to second guess, and not to hesitate as she steadily walked out of her quarters and turned into the corridor. She pushed her hair back, removed her combadge and put it in her pocket, looked around herself without really seeing anything, her mind full of Chakotay’s voice. The emotion in his voice. _Come to me, Kathryn._ The longing and the love in his eyes. He had seen _her,_ her hopes, her vulnerability, and he hadn’t balked this time. She was vaguely aware of encountering crewmembers, and maybe she nodded at them, maybe she smiled. She had no idea. And she didn’t care. She knew which quarters Chakotay had been granted, because she’d checked earlier, to make sure that he was planning to stay on board, and not run off without a word again.

So when she suddenly found herself standing outside his quarters, she raised her hand to chime the bell as if on autopilot, her mind and body thrumming with anticipation and newfound, and profound, _certainty_. The door slid open and suddenly he was standing there, with his soft-looking shirt open at the collar and the skin and the sleeves rolled back to his elbows. His eyes met hers and he smiled, a secret hopeful smile full of promise and joy, before he slowly stood to the side, a silent invitation that she gladly accepted. She was vaguely aware that there was soft music in the background as she stepped inside his quarters, but then the door closed behind her and he came to stand before her.

His eyes locked with hers.

His hand came up to touch her face softly, reverently, eyes searching.

They fell into each other’s arms, clinging to each other as if their life depended on it, as if it could convey all of the relief and the yearning and the happiness in one, fierce, desperate hug. Kathryn buried her face into his shoulder, breathing him in, loving the feel of his warm, solid and somehow familiar body against hers. Loving how his hands fisted the fabric of her uniform with raw intensity. She felt him angle his head into her neck and she almost jumped out of her skin when she felt his lips graze that spot on her neck, just above her uniform collar.

Feeling strange laughter bubble up inside her, as if that was the only way she could let out the excess relief and happiness, Kathryn squeezed him tighter before she tangled her fingers into his hair and pulled back to look into his eyes, her nails grazing his scalp. He gave her a bright, dimpled smile and Kathryn marveled at the way it lit up his face, and the way the sound of his low chuckle rumbled through him and rippled into her soul. His hands went to her waist and, closing his eyes, he rested his forehead against hers, touching her cheek with his nose lovingly, almost nuzzling. Her emotions threatening to burst out of her and with only a breath between them and longing for more, Kathryn angled her head and brushed his lips with hers. He sighed, his breath warm against her lips, and then, his lips still pressing against hers, in inhaled through his nose, as if breathing her in.

Kathryn pulled back slightly, but his mouth followed her and he caught her lips again and brought her closer against him with one hand on her back, letting her know in no uncertain terms that he was definitely _not_ pushing her away this time. Kathryn smiled against him before he coaxed her lips open while his hand on her cheek caressed and brought her closer, and Kathryn moaned when his tongue joined his lips on his sweet, sweet assault on her mouth. She responded in kind while her hand snuck around his waist and on their own volition slid underneath his shirt to touch the skin of his back. His reaction was instantaneous and he gasped and Kathryn took the opportunity to reciprocate his earlier exploration of her mouth as she pulled him even tighter against her.

As he shifted on his feet to start walking her backwards, their kiss heated up quickly, only occasionally interrupted with laughter and smiles and wandering hands. As if they both needed to reassure themselves that the other was really there, that this wasn’t a dream. Or an illusion. As if they both felt lighter than they had in years. Items of clothing somehow found their way to the floor as he continued to gently walk them deeper into his quarters, while hands and lips explored and coaxed moans from deep in each other’s throats that seemed to echo ‘at last.’

By the time they reached the bedroom their touches had become more frantic, desperate, burning with a desire and need for each other that went deeper than just a hunger for sexual release. And as Chakotay’s skin came in contact with hers, as his lips and teeth dragged against her skin, as her own lips explored and teased, as the palms of his hands slowly kissed hers when he interlocked their fingers, Kathryn let go completely; she forgot about Captain Janeway, she forgot about Voyager, and she forgot about their time apart and the anguish of it. All that mattered was the two of them, and the fire and the affection and the joy and the bond between them that seemed to snap back into place at last.

oooOooo

END PART 1

_A/N: I hope you enjoyed! Also, am I the only one who went “Oh_ hello” when seeing Chakotay with facial hair in A Year in Hell? ;-)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to all those who have commented and kudoed! Now, there are still several unresolved issues left for the characters to deal with, so here we go for Part 2! Also because I love giving J/C some happy times!
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

PART 2 – THE PHOENIX

**Chapter 10**

Artificial light poured through Chakotay’s window above his bed, simulating morning sunshine. Chakotay had discovered this function when he’d first been assigned these quarters, and so he had programmed the window to display sunlight during daytime and stars during the night to help him get used to Starfleet time. But this morning his appreciation for the fanciness of Aspire’s crew quarters increased tenfold when he found the illusion of sunbeams falling on Kathryn’s shoulder and face as she slumbered next to him.

When he’d first awaken, in that short moment when consciousness seeped through but before he’d opened his eyes, he had almost convinced himself that last night had been a dream. There had been something so surreal and oneiric about the conversation in the semi-darkness of their respective quarters, their faces illuminated only by the light from their computer screens. And then that dreamlike quality had only increased when Kathryn had materialized at his doorstep, her cheeks flushed and her eyes heavy-lidded and a darker shade than normal; when they’d kissed and laughed and touched and come together without uttering a word, as if afraid that speaking would break the spell. And spellbinding it had been.

So a part of him was actually amazed and a bit incredulous when he opened his eyes and found her there, sleeping on her stomach, her face turned toward him.

Chakotay shifted on his side and took a moment to drink in the sight and feminine softness and smell of her. The way her eyelashes curled on her cheeks, the way her tousled hair fell around her face, the soft, soft skin of her shoulders, and the rise and fall of her back. In sleep she displayed none of the affectation she donned as a Starfleet captain and it made her look younger, carefree. Her breathing was soft and even, and Chakotay had to resist touching her, for fear that he would wake her. She slept so peacefully, and he knew better than anyone how much she needed it.

He rolled around to check the time. He had about an hour before the tell-all briefing with the rest of the crew, so he sat up to pull on his pants. Calypso came running to him, as if she’d just been waiting for that sign to get up from her blankets in the next room. Chakotay smiled and stroked her head in greeting.

“Don’t even think about getting out of this bed,” Kathryn suddenly drawled sleepily from behind him.

Chakotay grinned as he turned to gaze back at her. Her eyes were still closed, but her lips were curved into a lazy smile, her arm stretched out as if she'd felt for him and had found the spot empty. "There's no getting the captain out of you, is there?" He teased at the order underlining her comment even as he obeyed and lay back down on his side to face her. She snuggled closer to him, as if looking for his warmth. Chakotay was all too happy to oblige, and pulled her close into his side so she could rest her head on his shoulder.

He felt her lips curl into a broader smile and her breath tickled his neck when she let out a quick chuckle. “Probably not.”

“Good,” he lifted her hand from his chest and interlaced their fingers. “Because I happen to be in love with a captain. Have been for a very long time, actually.” It was strangely easy to say the words out loud – after last night he hoped there could be absolutely no doubt in her mind about the depth of his feelings.

She snuggled her face closer into his neck. Heavens help him but she was soft and warm and enticing and he couldn’t get over the fact that she _wanted_ to be close to him. That she wanted him. Although she had made that pretty clear herself last night, too. “Is that so?” She drawled.

Chakotay gave a playful smile, desperately trying (and failing) not to focus on the feel of her against him, not when he knew he wouldn’t be able to finish what they started. At least, not in the way he wanted. “That’s right. But for the longest time I couldn’t say anything, or act on my feelings because for some reason she was dead set on defining those damn parameters, you see.”

She chuckled in surprise, a low sound that rumbled through him, sending his blood pumping and his heart soaring.

Chakotay shifted onto his side to prop himself up on his elbow again and she opened her eyes at last with the shift in position. Her eyes were soft and mischievous – the grief-stricken and intense expression of the night before replaced by a quiet, peaceful kind of happiness – and Chakotay reached out to touch her cheek as he looked at her.

“Actually,” he spoke again, more seriously. “This has been nagging at me for weeks… That night, before I left, what made you decide to cross the line? Drop those parameters? You had held on to them for years, why that night?” He asked curiously. “And no blaming the wine,” he added with a small, crooked smile.

She gave a brief shake of her head, just a slight movement, and her gaze left his face to travel to the ceiling. “I was honest with you that night. I felt I was on the verge of losing you, with the whole Maquis situation… I didn’t know about you and Seven, then, not really, but I’d heard a rumor…. Which I’d dismissed, a little too quickly, in retrospect,” she added with a derisive snort. “So I told myself that if I didn’t act, I might never get another chance.” Her eyes shifted to his again. “So I took it. I hadn’t planned it. It just… happened. And the wine _did_ help,” she added with an arch look.

Chakotay shook his head wanly. “You had me fooled, you know,” he told her quietly. “It took me years, but I’d finally convinced myself that I would always be a friend and nothing else in your mind. You couldn’t have surprised me more if you’d decided to quit Starfleet to become an accountant or a professional ballerina.”

She laughed quietly, but chose not to take the opportunity for banter. Instead she shook her head, her own smile filled with regret. “I think I fooled myself too. Until I was faced with the real possibility of losing you. Then I couldn’t lie to myself anymore – not when the truth was staring me right in the face.” She reached out to touch his cheek, caress his jaw.

Chakotay took her hand, bringing her knuckles to his lips. She smiled softly at his gesture. “When I learned that you weren’t among those the rescue team had recovered after the explosion, I nearly lost it, Kathryn. Tuvok was the one to tell me the news, and I could tell he didn’t have a clue what to do.” She chuckled softly at that mental image, but Chakotay could only shake his head. “But then when I saw you, at the compound… It took every ounce of strength I had in me to stop myself from running to you.”

Her smile widened a little, shifting into her more typical, teasing crooked smile. She mirrored his position and propped herself on her elbow too. “I could tell. You’re a terrible liar, Chakotay.”

Chakotay bit back a smile and feigned indignation. He narrowed his eyes at her. “There are three prisoners in the brig right now who might disagree with you. I had them fooled, you know.” After a pause he added, “well, sort of.”

She laughed, the sound low and rich and seductive and Chakotay couldn’t resist the temptation to trail his fingers down the soft skin of her arm and lean in to kiss her lips, savoring every moment and every sensation. She moved her head to the side when his lips traveled to her neck, her hand coming to tangle in his hair. She let out a long sigh of pleasure. “How in the world did I not know as soon as I met you that being together like this would feel so right?”

Chakotay grinned as he pulled back to look into her eyes. “I don’t know. _I’ve_ suspected from the moment you asked me to dinner, that day when you implored me to join your crew,” he taunted mischievously, knowing she wouldn’t resist taking _that_ bait.

As predicted, she shook her head and raised her finger, ready to debate him. “First of all, I didn’t _implore_ you, exactly. And secondly, I didn’t _ask_ you to dinner, I requested your presence at the captain’s table. That’s different.”

Chakotay nodded knowingly, narrowing his eyes. She slapped his chest at his teasing grin, but Chakotay caught her hand, caressing her knuckles with his thumb. There was so much he wanted to tell her, so much emotion threatening to burst out of his chest… About how long he’d been dreaming of this. How long he’d loved her. How much last night had meant to him. How much _this moment_ meant to him. And he knew that not all wounds were healed between them, and he wanted to beg for her forgiveness. But he furrowed his brows when he found himself lost for words.

Her eyebrows curved upward at his sudden emotional expression, as if she understood, and she leaned in to kiss him softly, her hand coming to caress his cheek, the hair at his temple. Her kiss was sweet, tender, so different from their emotional coming together of the night before. He was getting lost in the unhurried passion of her kiss when the comm system in his room activated, startling them both.

“Mr. Chakotay, please report to Captain Asani.”

Chakotay let out a frustrated groan and reluctantly disentangled himself from Kathryn. He sent her an apologetic look, but she was smiling, looking rather pleased with herself. Chakotay sat up and grabbed the combadge he’d left on the nightstand. Calypso ran to the other side of the bed to Kathryn, as if deciding to take her chance with the other human. Kathryn’s face lit up when she saw her, then patted the bed and Calypso jumped up immediately. Kathryn sat up against the headboard, drawing the sheet up over her chest. Chakotay couldn’t resist stealing a glance at the shape of her hidden underneath.

"So you ended up adopting this cutie, huh?" Kathryn commented, her eyes still on Calypso as she petted the dog's ears.

Chakotay gave a crooked smile. "I think she adopted _me_ ," he replied with a smile as he threw on a shirt. She chuckled. "I called her Calypso. It seemed fitting to choose a name from Greek mythology in a place that reminded me of it. She seems to like it."

"I do too."

He cleared his throat before pressing the combadge. "Chakotay here. What can I do for you, Captain Asani?"

"I apologize for disturbing you at this hour, but I have a request from Admiral Mendez. Katan has been requesting to speak with you, and only you. So the admiral requests your presence in the brig ASAP."

Chakotay sighed as he threw Kathryn another regretful glance. "Alright. I'll be right there." When the communication ended, Chakotay stood to gather the various pieces of clothing around the room, letting out a long sigh. He approached the bed again. "Katan has been a pain in my side for a month now, I can't wait to be rid of him. I don't know how long this is going to take," he told her apologetically as he leaned over the bed. She met him halfway and kissed his lips briefly.

“That’s fine, because I’m going with you,” she told him after they pulled back. He knew there was no changing her mind, not when she wore that expression on her face, so he nodded. And truth be told, he loved that she’d suggested it. She moved to the side of the bed to gather her clothing and Chakotay couldn’t resist letting his gaze linger along her bare back.

Once spurred into action, they both quickly got dressed and she gave him an all-too-brief kiss before she left for her own quarters to take care of her morning routine, telling him she’d meet him in the brig. Chakotay resisted grabbing her hand and pulling her back against him, and instead watched her go with continued wonder that this was actually happening. He shook himself and then quickly took care of his own morning routine before he left Calypso to play with the ecstatic kids in the Aspire nursery on Deck 5. Then he made his way down to the brig.

When Chakotay got there, Admiral Mendez was already present. Chakotay nodded to her as he approached, then glanced at Katan, who sat in his cell, rubbing his hands together anxiously as he leaned his elbows on his thighs. In the closest cell Sébas was eating breakfast, while on the other side of Katan Punjan was lying down on his bunk, ankles crossed and looking at the ceiling.

“Thank you for coming,” Admiral Mendez greeted him. “Katan says he has information, but said he’d speak only with you.”

“Still vying for every inch of control he can find, I suppose,” Chakotay said. After a nod, he approached Katan’s cell, placing his hands on his hips out of habit. “Alright, I’m here. Let’s hear it.”

“Ah, the traitor shows himself at last. I should have known. You reeked of Starfleet and moral high ground.” Katan stood from his bunk and approached the energy force field. “I want a deal.”

Chakotay raised wry eyebrows. “Given where you are right now, I’d think the least you can do is ask nicely. Because if you got me out of bed to insult me, Katan, I swear-”

“I have information you want. Not only you, but the rest of you lot,” he said with a jerking motion toward Admiral Mendez and the security officers in the room, all of them in uniform. “But I’ll only tell you if you promise me a deal.”

Chakotay frowned, then spun on his heels to address the admiral. “He’s got nothing. I’m going back to bed.”

“Wait!” Katan growled.

Chakotay stopped and faced him again.

“You want to know who the Boss is, right?” There was glee in his eyes, as if he anticipated getting pleasure out of Chakotay’s expression when he revealed the Boss’s identity.

Chakotay studied him for a moment, that gleeful expression, the certainty that he could surprise him. It was at that moment that Kathryn stepped inside the room, nodding to the officers before meeting his eyes, making his heart leap. Her lips curved into a barely-there smile, as if she couldn’t quite school her features completely. Chakotay had the sudden urge to get this conversation with Katan over with as soon as possible. If Mendez wondered how Kathryn had known this “interrogation” was happening, or why she would come to attend, she didn’t let it show.

Chakotay returned his eyes to Katan, and that’s when the answer just… hit him. As if a small voice had whispered it into his mind. He felt his stomach lurch at the sudden realization. “It’s Jem. Jem’s the Boss.”

The thought had actually crossed his mind before, but he’d dismissed it; maybe he’d been hopeful that the rapport they had established – no matter how small it had been in the end – had meant something. Maybe he hadn’t wanted to believe that he had been fooled yet again. And it was because he’d dismissed his instincts that he’d let Jem go.

Chakotay cursed mentally. He sensed Admiral Mendez stiffen behind him.

Katan’s surprise at Chakotay’s guess was evident, confirming his suspicion. “You knew?”

Chakotay merely stared at Katan. “You were afraid of her. I figured there wasn’t much to scare you about her, unless she was the one calling the shots.” He paused. “She transported off the ship when we took over. Where would she go?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.” He was lying, Chakotay could tell in the return of the gleeful expression.

Chakotay smirked. “If you want a deal you’ll need to give me something more valuable than something I already knew.”

“I’ve given you plenty,” he countered.

“Not nearly enough for what you did,” Chakotay replied in a low, threatening voice.

Seeing the real anger simmering in Chakotay’s eyes, Katan sighed in frustration, raking a hand through his hair. “I don’t know where she’d go. But I’ve suspected for a while that the Doldrums is actually her home planet. Her people’s, I mean. And here’s something that might interest you: I’ve been suspecting that she might actually be directly involved with the Scavengers herself.”

_That_ , Chakotay had not seen coming. He exchanged a brief glance with Mendez and Kathryn, biting his lips to keep himself from showing his surprise. Chakotay was suddenly filled with a powerful sense of foreboding. He made a rolling motion with his fingers, requesting Katan to keep talking.

“There were just too many coincidences – she would show up with pieces of technology that we had failed at retrieving, or she would leave for days on end and then come back with intel that she couldn’t possibly have had unless she was part of a larger criminal network. The Scavenger clans are renowned in this area for their ability to gather intel. They sell that sometimes, too.”

Chakotay closed his eyes when everything suddenly clicked in his mind. _Kigyun, it means ‘those who harvest,’_ Jem had told him. _Scavengers_. Kigyun meant scavengers. Her people were literally the scavengers who ran these compounds on that planet, who had raided Voyager’s wreckage, who had been trafficking in humanoids, who were reputed for their ability to gather intel. It made a twisted kind of sense – as shapeshifters, they could pass as anyone, including Starfleet. It would explain how they had known about Voyager’s anti-Borg technology. And Jem – being a member of the Kigyun – had been trying to prove herself to them. To fulfill that desire to belong. He swore mentally. She’d almost confessed as much to him that night, in the bar.

Oblivious to his epiphany and the raging speed of his thoughts, Kathryn stepped up next to Chakotay, her hands on her hips. “Why did she want Voyager’s shield generators?”

Katan’s eyes darted between the two of them. “She didn’t say. I didn’t ask. It was your ship, wasn’t it? You probably know more about it than I do. Why _did_ she want Voyager’s shield generators?” He returned the question as a taunt, smirking now.

Kathryn tensed next to him at the first part, but Chakotay tried to focus on the final words of the sentence, his mind still reeling from his realization and all of the implications. Why would she want those generators? His heart sank. Those ablative generators from 25th-century Admiral Janeway could power shield emitters that generated a nearly-impenetrable layer of armor around the hull of a ship. Or compound.

“Did the others know about this?” Chakotay asked, his eyes straying to Sébas in the first cell. With the force fields in place, the other two couldn’t hear what was being said. But if Sébas had known that Jem had been running that compound when they’d set up the plan, Chakotay might very well lose it on him.

But Katan smirked. “Oh no. I was usually the one meeting with the Boss, and I just found out because I happened to look into his, well her, eyes one time. She would take different forms, sometimes pretending to be an associate, sometimes the man himself. I decided to keep working with her, because if she could pull that off… She was someone I wanted on my side. And she always kept her word about the rewards.”

“And you were scared of her,” Chakotay taunted, knowing it would push Katan’s buttons, and he wouldn’t be able to resist talking some more.

“With good reason, I say,” he declared, smirking as he studied Chakotay’s face, as if looking for traces of the bruises Jem’s blows had left on his face. 

Chakotay stared at Katan for a while longer, waiting to see if there was anything else forthcoming. When he was satisfied that Katan had given him everything he had, he turned his head back to Mendez. She nodded once.

Chakotay sighed. “If it were up to me there would be nothing you could say that would convince me to offer you a deal. Not for what you did to Voyager and countless other ships. But luckily for you, it’s not up to me. Starfleet will get back to you.”

On that, Chakotay turned around and followed Mendez and Kathryn out of the brig. “Nice work, Mr. Chakotay,” Admiral Mendez started telling him.

Chakotay quickly interrupted her, stopping as soon as they were out in the corridor, biting his lips. Kathryn frowned as she watched him. Chakotay exchanged a glance with her before he dove in and told them about his epiphany concerning Jem, about the implications. If his hunch was correct, Jem had not only orchestrated the raid on Voyager, but she might well have been the one _running_ that Scavenger compound. And he’d let her go. His guilt increased tenfold.

Kathryn’s frown deepened as she listened to his hypothesis. “But why would she pass as a Wraith crewmember if she was behind that whole operation? Wouldn’t it have been safer to pull the strings from behind the curtain? Why risk it?”

Chakotay shook his head. “Maybe she liked it – the adrenaline rush from those heists. Or maybe she wanted to keep an eye on Katan, to make sure he didn’t abuse his power or double-cross her. I don’t know.”

Admiral Mendez was frowning now too. “You told me she showed you how to destroy the compound’s shield before you were able to transport your people aboard the Klingon raider. Why would she do that? Why would she target her own base of operation?”

Chakotay tugged on his earlobe, a new sense of urgency taking root inside him. He had to rectify this. Find her. Stop her.

“Again, I don’t know. But she might have thought this was the only way for her to get the shield generators. By then I had convinced her that the Scavengers had collected them from the wreckage – she must have assumed that someone within her ranks had acted behind her back or without her knowledge. At that point, following Katan’s plan was her best hope at recovering the generators, especially after Aspire showed up. She knew Starfleet was about to seize most of the stolen property within those walls – it became imperative that she retrieve those items before you did.”

Mendez sighed, nodding. “Very well. This new information changes our priorities. I need to consult with Starfleet Command, but I would be surprised if our next orders did not require us to pursue her and apprehend her.” She paused to look at Chakotay. “You told me before that you don’t like to leave things unfinished – are you willing to help us with this final task if it comes to that? I realize that this goes beyond what I asked of you in the first place, but as of right now, you are the one with the most in-depth knowledge of her.”

Chakotay considered it for a second. He wanted to say that he was done, that he’d given everything they’d asked for, but he couldn’t. Not quite yet. He felt Kathryn’s eyes on him as he replied. “I stand by what I said. She planned the raid on Voyager, she had all those people imprisoned, waiting to be sold or ransomed. And it’s my fault that she escaped.” He paused. “I know I won’t be able to rest easy until I’ve seen this through. And until Jem answers some questions of mine.”

Admiral Mendez nodded. “Very well.”

“If it’s alright with you,” Chakotay added with a sideway glance at Kathryn, “I’d like to ask the Voyager senior crewmembers to help me with this. We’ve been through a lot together, and I know our chances will be much better if we work as a team.”

Admiral Mendez nodded. “Suit yourself. It’s safe to say that the cover story no longer matters anyway. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to tell Captain Asani to turn this ship around. And update Starfleet Command,” she said just before she nodded to them and took off down a different corridor.

Chakotay checked the time. It was just about the time for his briefing with the Voyager senior officers, so he motioned for Kathryn to step ahead of him as they walked in the direction of the briefing room. 

“I know I’m still playing catch-up here, but…” Kathryn started, Chakotay half a step behind her. “Why do you feel responsible for that woman’s escape? I was there, I shot her with a phaser, and that didn’t even slow her down. I don’t see what else you could have done.”

He shook his head. “I don’t know either.” He stopped walking to face her and she had to tip her head back to meet his eyes. “But that’s the point. She escaped – I couldn’t stop it. I was there when Voyager was destroyed, and I couldn’t stop that either. So even though I can’t bring Voyager back, even though it wasn’t entirely my fault that she escaped, I’d like to at least do everything I can to make this one right if I can. I _need_ to try.”

Kathryn held his eyes for a long moment. Then she nodded, her eyes still on his face, understanding that his frustration wasn’t directed at her, but at himself. “Alright,” she replied softly, then her lips curled into the ghost of a smile, “let’s rally the troops, then.”

Chakotay exhaled, deflating, and he smiled gratefully. His heart swelled near bursting. He briefly looked around them to ensure that the corridor was deserted before he leaned in closer. Her eyes seemed to crinkle in amusement at his approach but she didn’t move back – if anything she leaned in. “Would it be completely inappropriate for a former Starfleet officer to tell his former captain how much he loves her?”

Her lips twitched and her eyes shone but she chewed on her cheek as if to really mull it over. “I think Starfleet Command would forgive it, seeing as _former_ is the key word. Besides, the former officer in question has already told the captain several times.” She started walking again and, at Chakotay’s confused expression – he only remembered saying the words earlier that morning – her grin broadened. “Just not with words,” she tossed over her shoulder.

Chakotay grinned before he jogged to catch up with her.

After a moment of comfortable silence, Kathryn suddenly stopped walking again and touched his arm. “How do we know Jem didn’t transport aboard Aspire when she escaped?”

Chakotay’s eyes shot to her but he shook his head. “Their shields were up at the time.”

“Oh good. You know,” Kathryn started again as they resumed walking, her typical teasing tone back in her voice, “I’m starting to rethink my appraisal of your lying skills. You were rather convincing back there, with Katan. As a matter of fact, I’m beginning to understand why Admiral Mendez wanted you on this operation. You’re good at this.”

He knew she said the last part seriously, but Chakotay chuckled wryly. “Well, I must be a _really_ good liar for you to think that, because I’ve hated every part of it. It reminded me too much of being a Maquis. Always suspicious of everyone, always looking over my shoulder, and always, _always_ afraid. You showed me that I could do better than that kind of life, Kathryn. I don’t want to go back to it.”

He could tell his words touched her, but then she threw him a crooked smile. “So no chance of you becoming an official spy, then?”

Chakotay chuckled again, this time with more humor, as he spied that mischievous glint in her eyes. He’d seen it in a different light last night, and suddenly he felt his pulse quicken at the sight. “No. Why?”

“Between you and me, it has a rather nice ring to it,” she replied suggestively.

Just when he was considering dragging her to a more secluded area, they reached the briefing room.

Chakotay sobered when he stepped into the room and noticed the seriousness on the faces he found already there. B’Elanna, Tom and Tuvok were sitting at the table, staring into space, Seven was standing behind a chair and leaning her forearms on the back of it, while Harry and officers Chakotay didn’t know were talking quietly together. Even the Doctor was present.

Chakotay looked around the room, at his friends, his family – relieved to see them all alive and safe. His eyes met Kathryn’s and she gave a small, encouraging nod as she took a seat. Chakotay licked his lips, placing his hands on his hips. “Thank you all for coming. I know… I know you probably have a lot of questions, about why I left. And how I found my way back here. So I thought I would gather you all in one room, and tell you all at once. And answer any questions you might have. But I have some ulterior motives, too, because the truth is, this isn’t over, and I could use your help. All of you. But let me start at the beginning.”

Those who were still standing went to grab a seat and Chakotay settled, gathering his thoughts.

And then he told them everything: Admiral Mendez’s call, her offer, and her request that he speak of it to no one. He told them how he had negotiated for the charges to be dropped for the other Maquis. He avoided B’Elanna’s eyes at that, not sure he wanted to see her expression. And then he told them about his life on Mona Prime, how he’d infiltrated the Wraiths. Tuvok took over briefly to tell them about how Mendez had involved him as well.

When Chakotay got to the part about how Katan had deceived him into thinking they’d be raiding a Borg ship while he’d been in fact aiming at Voyager, Kathryn rose to her feet and started pacing behind him, as if she couldn’t bear sitting still knowing what would come next. Chakotay told them about how he’d tried to get control of the Klingon raider in order to signal them about the heist. And ultimately how he’d failed, how he’d been unable to prevent Voyager’s destruction. Chakotay wished he could see Kathryn’s expression then, if only to reassure himself that this new information about his role in Voyager’s destruction – or rather his inability to prevent it – didn’t change how she felt. That there was no regret about last night in her eyes.

The room fell silent as they all relived that moment – that terrible, terrible moment when Voyager exploded.

That’s when he felt it. Her small hand touching his shoulder from where she stood behind his chair, timidly at first, but then squeezing tightly. Chakotay closed his eyes in relief, resisting the urge to clasp her hand tightly and bring it to his lips. When he glanced up at Kathryn, his heart nearly shattered from the sorrow in her expression, the tears in her eyes, but also the sympathy for what he had gone through. And a deeper understanding of the sense of guilt he’d displayed earlier.

After that it was up to Kathryn and the Voyager officers to tell him what had happened on the ship; how they’d tracked Sébas and Katan to Engineering. Then Kathryn told him how it had been crossfire that had sparked the reaction within the matter-antimatter system. And how she, Seven and Harry had waited to the very last moment before running for the escape pods. 

Tuvok took over then, as if understanding that the rest of them needed a moment to compose themselves. So he told them about finding Chakotay injured and barely conscious and alerting Starfleet about what had happened. After that, Chakotay told them about Sébas’s intel about the Scavengers, and how Chakotay had concocted a plan to convince the Wraiths to travel to the planet, hack into the system to lower the compound shields, and pretend to transport the technology directly into the ship. All the while, his actual plan had been to use the Wraiths’ own skillsets against them to transport the Voyager crewmembers into the Klingon ship. Doing so not only meant rescuing them from the compound, but it also increased Chakotay’s odds of success at stopping the Wraiths, changing the odds from two against three, to seven against three. By the time he finished the story, ending with the moment he had beamed up the Voyager officers and the ensuing fight, the room fell silent again. People shifted in their seats, exchanged looks and sighs.

“But as I said earlier, there’s more,” Chakotay added. He shared his suspicions about Jem, and about how important it was that she be apprehended. “I’m telling you this because I could use your help. I’m much stronger when I work as part of a team. As part of _this_ team.”

After a brief moment of silence, Kathryn was the first to speak. She looked at each of her officers. “This is not an official Starfleet assignment, and I can’t – nor do I want to – order you to do it. We all know there are risks involved, and I want you to think carefully before you make a decision.” She smiled, her small, Captain Janeway smile that had always managed to rally her troops when she needed them. “But I agree with Chakotay. This fine group of officers has already prevailed over much more precarious situations, without so much as a flinch. So I know that if we work together, and put our heads together, we can come up with a plan to end this once and for all. It’s not up to Chakotay to do this alone anymore; some of us have seen those compounds, crammed with prisoners waiting to be sold into slave labor, or worse. It’s our duty, as Starfleet officers, to do everything in our power to stop it. And perhaps, if we’re lucky, we might find some sort of closure for what happened to our ship by the same token. But it starts with finding a way to catch that Scavenger, Jem.”

Chakotay couldn’t help it. He smiled at her – not so much with his lips, but with his eyes.

As soon as her voice faded, nodding heads started to bob around the room. “Count me in,” Harry said resolutely.

“Me too,” Tom said.

“And I,” Seven added.

“I’ve been longing for some more adventure,” the officer Chakotay now knew as Lisa Nobrega, Kathryn’s new first officer, said with a wry smile, “let’s do it.”

Chakotay smiled, touched, and then his eyes fell on B’Elanna. She held his gaze for a moment. “Of course I’m in, what do you think?” She blurted as she’d just remembered that she wanted to be mad at him, and Chakotay bit back a grin. In the end, everyone in the room agreed to help.

“Thank you all,” Kathryn said to her officers. “Doctor, can you work with Dr. Abdel and research the Federation’s database for any information on the Kigyun? It would help to know what kinds of beings we’re dealing with, exactly.”

The Doctor nodded gravely. “Of course, Captain. I’ll get on it right away.” Chakotay gave the Doctor a grateful nod.

Kathryn spoke again. “Thank you. Alright, let’s take a break. We’ll reconvene here in half an hour to discuss a strategy. Dismissed.”

The tension in the room suddenly evaporated, and Commander Nobrega and the Chief of Security left, talking to each other. When only the original Voyager officers remained, exchanging looks and relieved smiles, Chakotay grinned, relief sweeping through him. When he met B’Elanna’s eyes again he held them for a moment, looking for a sign that she was no longer angry at him for leaving without an explanation.

Eventually she smiled and gave him a small nod. She stood to her feet to leave the room with Tom and Harry. But then she stopped mid-stride to face him again, lifting a threatening finger. “Now don’t think that you’re off the hook completely. You will come and spend some time with my daughter as soon as this is all over,” she ordered, her tone non-negotiable.

Chakotay bit back a smile, knowing full well that this was her way of telling him he was forgiven. Or on his way to being forgiven. “Understood. And I look forward to it, B’Elanna.”

Seven, Tuvok and the Doctor left together, so that only Chakotay and Kathryn remained in the room. He caught her eyes and she gave a soft smile, holding his gaze for a long moment. Something passed between them – a commitment to see this through, an understanding that they would move on from this whole terrible experience together, that from now on he wasn’t alone, and neither was she.

He was getting lost in her eyes when a low grumble interrupted their silent communication. “Was that your stomach or mine?” Chakotay asked, chuckling softly, as he stood to his feet.

She grinned, pushing her chair away from the table. “Mine. I think.”

Chakotay extended his hand and she placed her fingers in his. He smiled. “Well then, apparently it still falls on me to make sure that you eat. Do you mean to tell me that Commander Nobrega hasn’t been keeping track of your eating schedule?” He teased.

Kathryn chuckled, raising an eyebrow in reply. “Ha! I don’t think she would dare.”

oooOooo


	11. Chapter 11

It turned out that B’Elanna, Tom, Harry and Commander Nobrega were already in the mess hall when Kathryn and Chakotay got there to get breakfast, so they went to sit with them. The four officers welcomed them happily. They had already started discussing the various problems that finding and catching Jem would present, so Kathryn and Chakotay easily jumped in as they ate breakfast.

All the while, Kathryn watched her officers with pride – or was that _former_ officers? Would they get reassigned now that Voyager was gone? She didn’t want to think about this now, so she pushed the disturbing thought aside. But no matter where they all ended up, she would always be proud of them; to see them rally like this and jump on a problem that went beyond the call of duty was truly inspiring. Her eyes met Chakotay’s across the table, and she knew, from the gratefulness and pride reflected there, that his thoughts paralleled hers.

But then memories from the night before flooded her mind unbidden – the passion, the love, the pleasure – and her cheeks and neck warmed. Chakotay, perceptive as he was, noticed. His eyes suddenly danced with a satisfied twinkle mixed with a promise for later. Kathryn hid her smile behind her cup of coffee, but her eyes held a similar pledge.

When the whole team eventually reconvened in the briefing room, with Captain Asani and Admiral Mendez also present this time, they picked up the conversation where they had left off. It quickly became obvious to Kathryn’s scientific mind that their plan would need to answer four basic questions in order to succeed:

Question 1: Where did or would Jem go?

Question 2: What were her motivations in going there?

Question 3: How would they find her, given her shapeshifting abilities?

Question 4: How would they catch her, if phasers were ineffective?

So Kathryn led the team’s brainstorming in those directions as they worked off each other. Each question came with its own sets of difficulties and challenges. For the first two questions, they had to rely on Chakotay’s knowledge of Jem, both psychological and anthropological. So Chakotay related some of the conversations he’d had with her, as well as what Katan had told him. He told them about what he knew about her – about her personality, her insistence that no one get hurt when on heists, her shapeshifting abilities.

The Doctor took over then, relating his findings about the Kigyun. “Unfortunately, the Federation has very little knowledge about them. Shapeshifting species, as you know are quite rare, but several have been documented. Some are corporeal and can alter their appearance at the somatic cellular level – indicating that any shapeshifting would not affect their DNA. Others are non-corporeal – such as liquid or energy life forms, like the Q – they can choose to assume any form they wish. Now, based on Mr. Chakotay’s description, I hypothesize that Jem and the Kigyun in general, would belong to the first category. Further, since Jem’s clothes didn’t morph when she metamorphosed, her shapeshifting must happen at the cellular level. This would mean that she is much more likely to change into a form that has a similar quantity of cells in their bodies.”

“So she’s more likely to choose a humanoid form,” B’Elanna bottom-lined.

“Precisely. At least, that’s my theory. But keep in mind that I have very little to draw from.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” Kathryn said. There was a series of nods around the table as the attendees made a mental note of this.

Chakotay stood to his feet, rubbing his chin distractedly. “I’ve been thinking about where she might go,” he told them as he brought up the map of the sector on one of the monitors. “If she’s really from the Doldrums, the planet where she transported to, here,” he said as he pointed to a small dot on the map, “then there’s a chance that she might still be there. But as much as she wants to belong with her people, I’m not so sure she would stay there. Not after losing her foothold at the compound. I got a sense that she was not fully accepted by her people. In addition, for as long as I’ve known her, Jem stayed closer to Mona Prime, here. The commercial hub of Neathina in particular is a great spot for any legitimate and illegitimate business, so my guess is that she’s been running her thieving and trafficking ring from there, and delegating to others the chore of keeping the compound running at the Doldrums. But the question is, would she go back to Neathina now that her operation has been compromised?”

It was a rhetorical question, but Tuvok proposed an answer anyway. “It is possible that she would – if she still had associates there, or some advantage that might help her get started over on her venture,” he said.

Kathryn sprang to her feet, latching onto that idea. “That’s a good point. Let’s think this through. What would she need to get started again?” She prompted to the room as she paced.

“Capital,” Tom suggested.

“Right,” Chakotay replied, his eyes still riveted to the map, hands on his hips. “But we raided the hideout and seized everything of value from Neathina, so I doubt she would bother going back there.”

“She was after Voyager’s ablative generators that we got from Admiral Janeway, right?” Harry asked. “Those are probably worth a lot of credits or platinum on the black market. Maybe she’s still looking for them.”

Chakotay nodded. “I told the Wraiths that the Scavengers had taken them from the wreckage in order to lure them to the compound, but in truth I just assumed they had been destroyed in the explosion,” Chakotay replied. 

All eyes turned to B’Elanna. She frowned. “It’s unlikely that they would have survived, but I suppose it is possible. If the generators had not yet been removed from their casing at the time of the explosion.”

Chakotay looked at Captain Asani. “You didn’t recover shield generators from your raid on the Scavenger compound, did you?”

She shook her head. “No. I’ll check with the Cousteau right away, in case they recovered them from the wreckage. I know they were focusing their efforts on the bridge and Engineering.”

Chakotay nodded his thanks.

As those ideas floated around the table, Kathryn’s mind reeled with the germ of an idea of her own. She started pacing again, frowning in concentration, then waved her index finger. She was vaguely aware that the gesture made Chakotay smile, as if he’d seen her do that a thousand times before. He probably had. “I say we take a page out of _her_ book for a change.” She turned to lean her arms on the back of her chair to face the rest of the officers.

“Explain,” Seven said, brows furrowed curiously.

“She created rumors about the Borg to lure us in. What if we used the same tactic?”

“What do you have in mind?” Chakotay asked, curious now.

“Well, if she wants those shield generators as much as we think she does, either to sell, or to use for her own purposes, we could spread a rumor that we recovered them. That we have them on board here, on Aspire, or on the Cousteau. Otherwise, we’ll always be a step behind – we’ll only ever be able to follow her but never get ahead to intercept her. This way, we’ll be able to control the location, make her come to us. That way _we_ determine the answers to our first two questions: where would she go and why. And we take advantage of the fact that she must be getting desperate.”

Heads nodded around the table as they considered this.

“Okay, so let’s say we do this,” Commander Nobrega chimed in – a rare occurrence in Kathryn’s experience. “That brings us to the question of how we can identify her once the trap is set? Given her shape-shifting abilities.”

“I’ve been thinking about this one,” B’Elanna replied, leaning forward. “If we build on what the Doctor has told us, and assume that she can’t actually alter her Kigyun DNA, if we could get a scan of her life signs, we could adjust our sensors to detect for that specific molecular signature. That way we’d be able to tell her apart from other humanoid life forms.”

Kathryn followed B’Elanna’s gaze to Chakotay, but he shook his head as he considered it. “I never scanned her with the Klingon raider, but…” his eyes shot to Admiral Mendez. “Punjan’s computer. Punjan used his computer to monitor his team’s progress during heists. He’ll have formatted his sensors to pick her up as well. It was retrieved from the Klingon raider, right?”

She gave a terse nod. “It’s with the rest of the evidence. I’ll have it brought to you, Lieutenant Torres.”

Chakotay turned back to B’Elanna, smiling. “Ask and you shall receive.”

B’Elanna smirked at Chakotay. “Maybe there’s hope for you yet.”

Kathryn nodded. “So that leaves the final question.”

“How to apprehend her,” Seven stated.

“A phaser set to stun didn’t even slow her down,” Kathryn supplied, remembering that moment when she had shot Jem with her phaser, moments before she’d transported down.

“And she is remarkably strong and fast,” Chakotay added. “No matter what form she takes. I’ve fought her twice now, and I’ve never been able to get the upper hand.” Kathryn could remember all too well how Jem’s fists and feet had been beating down on him with the supple grace of a feline.

“Then we must devise a different tactic,” Tuvok said, the tips of his fingers from both hands touching. “One that does not rely on brute strength.”

“She did stop her attack when I threatened her with the phaser,” Kathryn added with a look at Chakotay. His eyes met her own briefly, as if he too remembered that moment. She had probably saved his life, and they both knew it. “So maybe they do have an effect at a higher setting.”

Chakotay nodded slowly, but it was Admiral Mendez who spoke.

“We’ll consider using phaser fire as a last resort only. We need her alive, if possible. Katan told us that she ran the compound, but for all we know, there might be even bigger fish involved. We’ll want to find out what we can about them.”

There was a moment of silence as everyone took this in.

“Would it be completely inappropriate for me to make a fishing joke in an otherwise quite serious conversation?” Tom said in jest, relieving some of the heaviness from the room, drawing smiles and snorts. “Just lightening the mood,” he explained Admiral Mendez, who did not look amused.

“Actually, that’s not a bad idea,” B’Elanna interjected, with an expression that Kathryn had seen countless times.

Tom chuckled. “I was only joking about the bigger fish-”

B’Elanna waved him off and he felt silent, their interaction making Kathryn smile. “I know, but it gave me an idea. We could use a kind of fishing net. Or a similar principle anyway.”

“A forcefield could prove useful,” Seven said. 

“Exactly!”

“How would we cast this force field to contain an individual?”

“Maybe we can use the transporters…”

As Kathryn watched the two women start getting drawn into this problem, she exchanged a look with both Admiral Mendez and Captain Asani. Kathryn had almost – _almost_ – forgotten that this wasn’t Voyager, and that she wasn’t the captain of this ship. Both officers nodded, so she raised a hand to put an end to B’Elanna’s and Seven’s brainstorming for now. “Alright, you two get working on this. Lieutenant Kim, Commander Nobrega, can you look into ways of reconfiguring Aspire’s sensors to pick up Kigyun life signs based on the intel in Punjan’s computer?” She turned to Chakotay. “Do you think Punjan might be convinced to help if we need him?”

He shrugged. “Maybe. If we offer him something. And if we let him know that his brother has already cooperated with us.”

Kathryn nodded back at the duo. “Good. Once you have figured out her signal, please work with Captain Asani’s Engineering crew – their input will be invaluable in implementing the changes to the sensors.” Captain Asani nodded in agreement. “Chakotay, Tuvok, I’ll leave it to you to devise various scenarios about how exactly we’ll trap Jem when we find her. Let’s come up with a variety of plans, some including B’Elanna’s net, and some without.”

“What will you do?” Chakotay asked curiously.

Kathryn gave a crooked smile. “Something I abhor. Rumor-mongering.”

oooOooo

Jem needed off the planet.

She had been hiding in the sand dunes for hours and she was getting hungry and anxious to get away. After she’d escaped the Klingon raider and transported to the surface of her home planet, she’d had to lay low away from the compound; it had been crawling with Starfleet and other law enforcement officers. She’d had nowhere else to go – the clans still didn’t accept her fully, and she doubted that they would welcome her now that the Federation had uncovered her operation – and brought their attention to them. It had taken the whole night before the officers left at last and it was safe to return to the compound to assess the damage.

As she walked through the deserted stands and hidden rooms, it became clear that the Federation and law enforcement agents had seized almost everything, claiming that the contents of the compound went against several interplanetary agreements against the illegal trafficking of life forms and Starfleet property. They had taken the captives, as well as the guards and other potential witnesses. Most of the inhabitants of the Circle – the shanty town around the compound – had run away when the ships had first appeared in the atmosphere, so the town was strangely deserted as Jem meandered back into the midday heat. In search of… something. Someone. Anything or anyone to help her get out of this mess.

She still couldn’t believe that Chakotay had played her so well. She prided herself on being a good judge of character, and she had been so certain to have him pegged. But she had underestimated him. She had underestimated his attachment to his captain and his former crew, despite the fact that he had told her about it out right. But maybe she hadn’t quite believed him then. Maybe she had been too jaded to believe in those sorts of fairy-tale stories her human parents had delighted in telling her when she was a child. But apparently he’d told the truth about his real motives for doing what he did – or something mighty close to it. In fact, she was fairly certain now that he’d probably never actually lied out right. About anything. Katan himself had noticed, when he’d said Chakotay had a strange habit of being honest in the worst moments. Even stupid, brutish Katan had seen through him better than she had. Chakotay had walked in with half-truths on his tongue, only to let them fill in the blanks with assumptions, and then blaming it on them not asking when they assumed wrong. They did say that half-truths made for great lies, and Chakotay had illustrated this all too well – at her own expense. And Jem had to admit, despite her anger, a part of her admired him for that, for his savvy manipulation of the truth. If he had actually been on her side, he would have made an incredible asset.

Admittedly, before he had turned on them, she had liked having him on the team. He had made for a refreshing addition; Katan was cruel and crude; Punjan was a puppy – with puppy emotions, and puppy desires to please his master, or in this case, his brother. And Sébas, well actually she’d liked Sébas too, up to the moment when he’d betrayed her, too. But the point was, it had been refreshing to have someone who wasn’t afraid of or worshipped Katan, and who didn’t ogle her female human body like so many males tended to do – which, she admitted, she had used to her own advantage many, many times. But she’d known right away that this technique would not work with him. He was above all of this. Morally and emotionally. And that had been compelling. She had told him so herself – he had the ability to make people want to trust him. And she had fallen into the trap, even after _he’d_ _cautioned_ her not to. Even when her instincts told her he was too good of an asset to be true.

But she hadn’t listened, and he’d used that to his advantage. It had become clear to her that he had probably been Starfleet all along. When she had vetted him early on, after his name had caught Katan’s attention, she hadn’t been able to find anything too specific about his Starfleet career, only that he’d left it once to join the Maquis cause. His more recent records had been blotchy; he had all but disappeared from any public records around 2360, but that had fitted with the life of a man on the run. A man laying low to survive while most of his Maquis comrades had either perished or found themselves in prison. But now that she knew that he had been part of the Voyager crew, the pieces now fit perfectly together: he hadn’t been in hiding at all – he’d been stuck in the Delta Quadrant along with the rest of the Voyager crew, and his dear captain, up until very recently.

And if her suspicion was correct about him being Starfleet, it would make sense to assume that he’d been the one to contact the Nebula-class starship to the Doldrums too. It had been a great move on his part; one, it had drawn the Federation’s attention to the Kigyun’s illegal activities, and two, he’d used the ship’s presence as a distraction for the Wraiths. A play to make them hurry and not have time to second guess their actions or his allegiance. Jem herself had unwittingly played right into his hand, going as far as showing him how to destroy her compound’s shields. At the time she had figured that this might be her best bet for getting Voyager’s technology, which he had pretended had been recovered by the Scavengers. And because she had told the Second Clan to never contact her under any circumstances, she had believed him. She had deemed it possible that the Second Clan had retrieved the generators from the ship’s wreckage. So she had decided to play along, especially since she’d known it was only a matter of time before the Federation starship confiscated everything the Second Clan had salvaged on her behalf.

She let out a long sigh as she grabbed some fruits from an abandoned booth and bit into them. Maybe she should have let Katan kill him.

But despite what most people would think, she didn’t enjoy ruling by fear or having to rely on threats and violence to get what she wanted. She was no Katan, who took pleasure from the pain of others. And yet, the fear she naturally instilled in others, and her capacity to charm (depending on what form she took) had become crucial tools for her survival. Eventually, she had used those abilities not only to survive, but to thrive, and to make a place of her own with her people. But even as “The Boss” she had always prided herself on the fact that she ran a clean operation – casualties were rare under her orders. She had even insisted that if the Second Clan wanted to use her compound for their despicable humanoid trafficking, that they at least ensured that the prisoners were well treated. 

Oh the Second Clan would be pissed at her. She _really_ needed off this planet. There was nothing to keep her here. Not with the location of her operation discovered. She knew it was only a matter of time before more Federation ships arrived to investigate the other compounds, the ones under the other clans’ jurisdiction. And of course they would blame her as well, for unwittingly bringing Starfleet to their doorsteps. And she had made such good progress with them too… She had managed to rise through the ranks over the last few years – one of the youngest Kigyun to ever run her own compound, despite the fact that the Third Clan – to which she belonged by proof of DNA – had refused to acknowledge her. In addition to her natural skills, her agreement with the Second Clan had also brought her status higher, by the same token increasing her chances of being adopted back into the clans. But now… She stood very little chance of finding her way back into that status. Not when her people believed her a traitor – or too stupid to avoid drawing Federation attention to them.

As Jem continued wandering through the streets of the Circle, some of the inhabitants who had managed to get away the day before started to return. So it didn’t take very long before the sounds of bustling activity started to echo once again along the makeshift streets. Most of the inhabitants were people from all over the quadrant; the Kigyun themselves tended to live much deeper in the desert, away from the rest of the world, and the rest of the galaxy.

As the Circle inhabitants went back to their business, Jem started asking around for a pilot, someone she could pay to get her off the planet. Just as she was approaching a stand, she suddenly stopped dead in her tracks – feeling her human hair on the back of her neck stand on end. That scent. She knew it.

She whipped around with a snarl, ready to defend herself. Loxeron, the heir/ess to the Second Clan stood a few feet behind her, in the shape of tall and beautiful Romulan. It seemed fitting, somehow. Next to them was their personal guard, also shifted as a Romulan. While some Kigyun chose a gender to live their life (as Jem had done), many Kigyun remained gender-neutral and rather shifted back and forth between the various genders that populated the galaxy. Loxeron was among the latter category. So even though they had taken the form of a male Romulan, there was no telling what gender Loxeron actually identified with.

“Jemariya-Lan,” Loxeron drawled.

Jem hated her full Kigyun name – it mean “foundling.” It had been given to her when she had first showed up back at the Doldrums, three years before, when she’d been nothing but a teenager looking for answers. The name belittled her and undermined everything she was trying to achieve, but she had decided to keep the shortened version ‘Jem.’ It was better than her human name anyway. “Loxeron,” she greeted in kind, muscles tense, ready to defend herself, her eyes fixed on their dark grey ones.

“I have been hearing rumors,” they said in the lilting language of their people. “That you are responsible for our losses,” they said with a tilt of the head toward the compound walls that stretched up above them.

“I was betrayed. But I will find a way to return. You know I always do,” Jem wasn’t completely fluent, but she had improved a lot over the last year. Partly because of Loxeron’s help.

They smiled, the expression strangely genuine for a Romulan impersonator. “Indeed, you do. And for that reason I have decided to offer my help. I have some new information that might be of interest to you.”

“Tell me.”

“I will need something in return, of course.”

“The price is to be established upon hearing the information. As you well know.”

They stepped closer, but Jem didn’t relax her stance. “Intelligence from the Federation’s investigation of their ship’s destruction suggests that we may have missed some vital pieces of technology when we scavenged the wreckage. Various ship parts that had been hybridized with Borg technology. The Federation has, of course, been eager to retrieve these items, to keep them from enemy hands, so they have two ships working on the retrieval.” They tilted their head curiously. “Did you know that Voyager has – or had – a former Borg drone on their crew? We even had her in our midst until the Federation came. Her knowledge must be incommensurable.”

Jem angled her head, her eyes studying them. She understood their point perfectly. “I do not trade in humanoids. If you want this drone, you will have to get her back yourself.”

Their smile broadened, then they chuckled, apparently amused by her fierce reaction. “It was worth a try.”

“How reliable is this information?” Jem asked, jerking her chin so it would be held higher.

“Our assessors mark it as 65% reliable.”

Jem nodded as she considered this. Those weren’t great odds. But she was desperate. Did she dare try again? The Federation wouldn’t expect anyone to do something so bold, so she would have the element of surprise. But she would need a plan. If only Punjan and Sébas hadn’t been captured… Punjan might be a puppy, but he was also a genius, and Sébas always came up with the best, most precise plans.

She sighed, relaxing at last. “Fine. But I’ll need some help.”

Loxeron gave a slow nod. “The Second Clan will provide it.”

Jem snorted. “Still trying to dethrone the First, I see.” But then she returned the slow nod. “Name your price.”

oooOooo

Chakotay tossed the ball overhead, as far as he could throw. Calypso chased after it, and while she ran there and back, Chakotay resumed walking. Preparations were almost under wraps as the crew put on the finishing touches on the details. Chakotay had tried to help the various teams, but they were so efficient that he had felt in the way everywhere, be it in Engineering, in the briefing room or on the bridge. So he’d figured he might as well use this opportunity to clear his head before all hell broke loose. He’d considered going through his boxing routine, but, thinking that Calypso might enjoy a walk after being cooped up for so long, he’d opted for the holodeck instead. The Aspire crew had created a stunning Scandinavian fjord program, which allowed for a number of outdoors activity, from hiking to kayaking to ziplining. Chakotay had gone for a simple walk along the small, nestled beach of the fjord, enjoying the brisk, pine-scented air of the program.

He spotted a uniform-clad figure he knew well heading his way, looking around in awe. Chakotay grinned as he started walking to meet her. Calypso spotted Kathryn too, and immediately set off to greet her, the ball in her mouth. Kathryn smiled when she saw them approach, then bent over to pet Calypso.

“Nice,” she commented with a head motion at the high, tree-covered walls of the fjord rising around them.

“Everything okay?” Chakotay asked as he neared her. When he’d left the briefing room a few minutes before, she’d still been in a briefing with Captain Asani and Admiral Mendez, busy briefing Starfleet Command and the captains of the Cousteau and the Einstein about the plan.

She nodded. “I came to get you, we’re almost at the coordinates. I thought I’d join you for a bit. Unless you came here to be alone?”

Chakotay stopped walking when he reached her at last, hands going to his hips out of habit, and he smiled, shaking his head. “I’ve been on my own for weeks, I’d love some company, especially yours. I just needed to blow off some steam before the mission. Clear my head.”

Her smile turned scandalously flirtatious as she started walking along the beach. “Oh really,” she said as her eyes traveled over his face, down to his chest and neck, to his mouth, then back up to his eyes. “You should have come and found me. I might have been able to help.”

Chakotay let out a surprised sound somewhere between a chuckle and a yelp and she laughed, a gleam in her eyes. When Calypso dropped the ball at her feet, she picked it up and tossed it, then wiped her hands together.

“I confess, the thought had crossed my mind,” Chakotay replied with a sly sidelong look at her profile, his tone joking, though there was seriousness underlining his words. “But I didn’t dare to assume…” He faltered, strangely tongue-tied. When she looked at him he went on, explaining. “It’s been so easy to return to our Starfleet habits and personas, sometimes it feels like last night and this morning were a dream,” he told her.

She smiled at that, a soft smile. “I know. It’s strange isn’t it… How this,” she said with her hand gesturing between the two of them, “can feel so familiar, and yet so different at the same time.”

Chakotay smiled. He knew exactly what she meant. “I’m still learning how to navigate that,” he confessed.

“We both are.” She stopped walking and turned to face him, tipping her head back to meet his eyes. “But just so we’re clear,” she said in her captain voice, yet the arch gleam in her eyes belied the tone. “I give you leave to assume.”

Chakotay smiled, pleased, but then he narrowed his eyes playfully at her as he stepped a little closer. “I hope you realize, Captain Janeway, exactly what granting me that kind of permission would entail. It might get risky.”

She raised an eyebrow but he could swear her breathing had gotten shallower when he’d stepped closer, encroaching into her personal space. “Oh?”

“Well,” Chakotay started as he took another small step closer, shortening the distance between them down to just a few centimeters. He licked his lips and, heart suddenly pounding, lifted his fingers to graze her cheek, and then trail down her throat slowly, barely touching. Her skin turned to gooseflesh under his featherlight touch and she gasped. She tilted her head further back to meet his eyes, giving him even better access. Trusting. He felt her swallow against his fingers. “I might _assume_ that when you look at me like that, it means you want me to kiss you, when in fact you’re just trying to tell me I have reactor oil on my face.”

Her lips twitched and she narrowed her eyes, but he’d seen how she closed her eyes at his touch. “Oh I’m fairly certain you’d be able to tell the difference.”

He let out a low chuckle, pleased at how breathless she sounded all of a sudden. “Or,” he went on playfully, enjoying the slow seduction as he slowly stepped around her. She turned her head to follow his movements. Once he was almost completely behind her, just past her shoulder, he moved his hand from her neck to touch the skin under her chin, gently turning and tilting her head back, making her eyes meet his again. He loved how she leaned ever so slightly back against him. “Next time you smile at me, I might assume that you’re shamelessly flirting with me. You have no idea what kinds of crazy things I might assume. I have a very active imagination, you know.”

“Apparently.” She raised an eyebrow at that, but then she laughed, low and throaty. “I think, given the evidence presented to me, I’m willing to take the risk.”

He nodded, struggling to keep a straight face. “At least it’s an informed decision. You have been warned,” he said, his mouth close to her ear. He leaned in slowly, watching her eyes go darker until they fluttered close and she fell against him, her lips brushing against his. Chakotay moved his hand to cup her cheek, his thumb caressing. They both sighed, the kind of happy sigh one blew when coming home after a long day. Chakotay had been longing to do this all day, and apparently so had she. She spun in his arms and her arms snaked around his neck, bringing his body flush against her own, as their lips met in earnest.

Chakotay’s hand traveled lower down her back and-

They startled at Calypso’s sudden bark, jumping apart at the sound. Calypso was staring at them expectantly, tail wagging. She nudged the ball she’d dropped at their feet with her muzzle, charming Kathryn, by the endeared expression on her face.

Chakotay was about to toss the ball as far as possible when the comm system intruded on the moment.

“Captain Janeway and Chakotay to the bridge. We have arrived at the rendezvous coordinates with the Cousteau and the Einstein.” They exchanged a look, their expressions sobering instantly, as if a bucket of cold water had been poured over them. Chakotay sighed as they disentangled themselves. He’d almost forgotten about everything else. But now it was time to focus again, and complete his damn mission. The sooner they caught Jem, the better.

“Are you ready for this?” He asked Kathryn as he bent to grab Calypso’s ball. They moved toward the holodeck exit.

She knew, of course, what he was talking about: they were about to come face to face with the reality of Voyager’s destruction, since they were meeting the other ships there. “Probably not,” she said as she straightened her uniform and her hair, as if these little gestures were part of her ritual that transformed Kathryn into Captain Janeway.

Chakotay squeezed her shoulder, then let go when they stepped into the corridor. They made a quick stop to leave Calypso at his quarters before they went on toward the bridge. They were silent as they walked and Chakotay had to resist the urge to reach for her hand. Despite what she’d just told him, he wasn’t actually sure that she would appreciate public displays, especially on a starship, and when she was wearing her captain’s uniform. He knew her well enough to know she would need time to get used to this new reality. So he decided to just follow her lead in that regard, and so kept his hand at his side.

“You know I was watching you today,” she started suddenly, “you really are good at this,” her hand swept at the ship around them. “I think I’d forgotten that you’re a leader in your own right. I… I think I took that for granted when we were on Voyager. But today, it made me realize that being a first officer…probably held you back. And I’m sorry for that, for not giving you more opportunities to lead.”

Chakotay frowned, touched and disapproving at once. “What are you talking about? I was perfectly satisfied as your First Officer.”

She smiled indulgently as they entered the turbolift and she voiced their command for the bridge. “Still. I know you said you don’t know yet if you want to come back to Starfleet, but if you do, I think you should apply for a captaincy. You’d make a great Starfleet captain, Chakotay.”

Chakotay smiled as he considered it. “Coming from you it’s a great compliment. Thank you. I’ll think about it.”

She nodded. “Good.”

The turbolift doors opened and they stepped onto the bridge, greeting Captain Asani and the rest of the Aspire bridge officers with a nod. When they turned their heads toward the viewscreen and saw what little remained of Voyager – bits and pieces floating in space – Kathryn’s steps faltered. “Oh.” Even Chakotay, who’d seen the ship explode, was once again struck numb by the utter destruction of it. The Cousteau and the Einstein were still there, and they could see a number of shuttles buzzing among the wreckage, using tractor beams to gather pieces of the ship.

The turbolift doors opened and the rest of the Voyager contingent – B’Elanna, Tom, Seven, Commander Nobrega, Commander Hale, Tuvok and Harry Kim – stepped next to them. Harry cursed under his breath at the sight.

Most of them, Kathryn and Chakotay included, stepped closer to the viewscreen, attracted to it like moths to a light source, stunned into silence at the sight that greeted them. That’s when Chakotay felt Kathryn’s hand seek his own. Chakotay glanced at her, but she was still staring straight ahead, looking utterly crestfallen. So he clasped her hand and she clang to his fingers, squeezing, tight.

“I don’t think I actually believed it until now,” she rasped.

Seven, who had stepped next to Kathryn, inhaled through her nose. “Neither did I.”

Chakotay squeezed Kathryn’s hand again, knowing there was nothing he could say that would make her feel better, and tugging on it gently, drew her attention back to him. He gave her a tight, encouraging smile.

She wiped at her cheek and nodded, squaring her shoulders, before she let go of his hand and looked back at Captain Asani. “The rest of the crew is still aboard the two ships?” Captain Asani nodded. “I’d like to speak to them.”

When the communications officer gave her the green light, Kathryn started pacing slowly, just as Chakotay had seen her do dozens of time on the bridge of Voyager.

“This is Captain Janeway speaking, I would like to take this moment to say to all of you, but especially to my crew, how proud I am to be standing with you all today. And how relieved I am.” Her voice cracked, and Chakotay’s heart swelled when she inhaled and pushed on. “Words can’t express just how relieved I am to learn that you are all safe. We will all have to come to terms with our loss, and what that means for our future. But not quite yet. Because we have one more mission to complete as a crew, one final test of our bonds and perseverance. You have been briefed about what the mission entails, so I ask that you follow the orders of the captains of the Cousteau, the Einstein and Aspire just as you would do mine – with pride, professionalism and bravery. I will see you all on the other side of this ordeal. Thank you.”

When Kathryn faltered, Chakotay’s lips curved into a small smile, and with one quick glance around the room, quickly noticed that most of those present shared it, often in a solemn kind of way.

“Very nice,” Captain Asani, said with a small smile of her own.

Kathryn nodded, then nodded at her officers. “Alright. Let’s do this.”

oooOooo


	12. Chapter 12

While B’Elanna settled at the engineering station to update the sensors to detect Kigyun life signs, the rest of the team had to update the sensors of the Cousteau and the Einstein as well, and make sure that each ship was equipped with B’Elanna’s and Seven’s ‘net’ – a forcefield that would form between a series of emitters once they were cast around their target. So Kathryn and Chakotay had split the Voyager senior staff into smaller groups, each team to be dispatched to one of the three ships: Harry and Commander Nobrega were to transport to the Einstein; Seven, Tuvok and Commander Hale to the Cousteau, while B’Elanna, Tom, Kathryn and Chakotay were to remain on Aspire. Each team had the same standing orders: work with their ship’s crew to update the sensors, make sure that communications were open, and ensure that all three crews were prepared and well informed on the plan. Chakotay and Kathryn were to be notified as soon as Kigyun life signs were picked up by any one of the three ships.

As the officers nodded and turned to leave the Aspire bridge for their respective postings, Chakotay stopped Seven with a touch on her arm. “Seven,” he told her quietly, “watch your back. To the Scavengers your knowledge of Borg technology might seem very appealing. So just… be careful.” He could remember all too well that conversation he’d had with the Wraiths when Katan had made them believe they were going after Borg technology.

She nodded grimly, then with a quick nod to Kathryn, left with the others. Chakotay noticed how Kathryn made eye contact with Tuvok and gave him a nod – silently asking him to keep an eye on Seven as well. Tuvok nodded to the both of them before he followed the others. Chakotay took in a deep breath as he exchanged a look with Kathryn.

Meanwhile B’Elanna and Tom took their positions around the bridge, teaming up with their Aspire counterparts.

“Activating sensors now,” B’Elanna said. There was a brief moment of tense silence as they waited. She shook her head. “No sign of Kigyun life signs yet.” Based on their knowledge of Jem and her usual tactics, they were expecting Jem to show up in a small ship, perhaps cloaked. She would likely try to board one of the Federation ships, using her shapeshifting abilities to try to pass unnoticed. This had been her _modus operandi_ with the Wraiths, and Chakotay saw no reason why she wouldn’t take advantage of her greatest asset, camouflage, this time either.

So Chakotay and Tuvok had come up with a variety of scenarios to prepare the crews, proposing different tactics based on where she might choose to board and on which ship. They figured that, without Sébas around to help her navigate the ships, she would first need to access a terminal for blueprints of the ships, and then go from there. She might need to improvise, but Chakotay and Tuvok had ensured that her improvisation would be regulated, so that she’d end up where they wanted her to be.

But all of this relied on the basic presumption that she would respond to the rumors Kathryn had spread.

“This might take a whi-” Chakotay was interrupted mid-sentence when the young officer at tactical spoke.

“Captain, detecting five ships coming out of warp, up ahead.”

“Right on cue. Wait – did you say five?” Captain Asani asked, straightening in her chair as she threw a look at Chakotay. He shook his head – they had certainly not expected starships. Shuttles, perhaps, or small cloaked vessels, like his Klingon raider. Not this. “Who are they?”

The lieutenant shook his head. “Their signature is not in our database.”

Chakotay had a sudden sense of foreboding. He turned to look at the security officer in the back. “Get Sébas, our prisoner, up here, please. Quickly.” At Captain Asani’s nod, the security officer touched his combadge. “He knows every ship out there – I think he’ll be able to confirm my suspicion,” Chakotay explained.

Captain Asani nodded. “On screen as soon as they’re close enough. Red alert. How long until they reach us?”

“Estimated time is 6 minutes.”

It took only a couple of minutes for Sébas to step onto the bridge, his hands still in handcuffs, and two security officers flanking him. He nodded to the captain, then to Chakotay and Kathryn.

“We have visitors,” Chakotay told him, as he signaled the security officers to let Sébas join him at tactical. “Tell me that’s not who I think it is,” Chakotay said, as he showed in the data.Sébas frowned.

“They’re Scavenger carriers. But it’s very unusual for them to travel in a flotilla, usually they work alone or in pairs. What are they doing here?” Sébas looked up then, and recognizing where they were, his expression cleared. As if in just one glance he’d understood the entire situation. “I see.”

“What’s their fire and defense capacities?” Captain Asani asked as she approached them.

“It’s hard to tell – each ship is equipped with whatever technology they’ve collected. You can expect weaponry ranging from Starfleet-issued photon torpedoes and phaser fire to Klingon disruptor cannons. They’re not usually aggressive, they’d rather flee than fight, so this is unusual.” Chakotay nodded to himself – this had Jem written all over it. She was certainly bold and cocky enough to attempt this. Sébas went on. “I’m not entirely sure what you should expect in battle. One thing I do know is that each ship usually bears a contingent of 60 or less, but their smaller size makes them more nimble. Each of them also carries twelve smaller, raid vessels that we call Stingers. Those are usually manned by one or two individuals.”

There was a moment of silence as they all took this in, calculating the odds. 

“Captains, I can confirm that those are Scavenger ships,” B’Elanna said. “The updated sensors indicate that they are filled with Kigyun life signs. In fact, _all_ life signs aboard these ships are Kigyun.

Chakotay felt his heart hit his toes. In all of their plans, they had assumed that if Jem took the bait, she would try to infiltrate one of the three Federation ships. They had never imagined that she would show up with an armada. He had never imagined that she _had_ an armada at her disposal.

And if Chakotay had gotten _that_ wrong, what else had he miscalculated?

“So Jem decided to bring some friends to the party…” Kathryn drawled, though he could almost see her brain synapses working as she analyzed the situation. He drew comfort from the all-too-familiar stern but analytical expression on her face.

“That’s a naïve, and rather bold thing to do,” Captain Asani commented, frowning. “To make such a stand against us, while in Federation territory.”

“Or that’s an extremely smart thing to do,” Kathryn countered, her eyes glued to the viewscreen where the five ships were slowly becoming visible, just twinkles of light slightly larger than stars. “You heard Sébastien. Let’s not get cocky.”

“I’ll second Captain Janeway’s assessment,” B’Elanna replied. “Because now we have no way of knowing which one of these life signs is hers.” She was right. Punjan’s tracking program wasn’t precise enough to give them Jem’s exact DNA make-up, only a way to recognize her as Kigyun. “We assumed she’d try to pass as a human – as such her Kigyun life sign would have stood out like a beacon – but instead she’s decided to camouflage herself amid her own kind.”

Chakotay nodded gravely. “I agree, that was one of the cleverest things she could have done.”

Kathryn frowned, her lips a tight line. “Well we may be outnumbered, but we’re not outgunned, and certainly not outmaneuvered. I say we go ahead with the plan, with some minor last minute adjustments,” she added with an arch eyebrow. Chakotay couldn’t stop himself from marveling at her – leave it to Kathryn Janeway to sound like she was enjoying herself at a moment like this. But it worked, because her confidence – and her love of the game – seemed to rub off on everyone present on the bridge.

“What are you suggesting?” Admiral Mendez asked. She’d been standing silently in the back up until then. In the shadows, just like in her chosen profession.

“A gambit – or something similar.” She turned to Chakotay.

“We’ll need a ship,” he agreed before she could open her mouth. They’d worked together for so long, he knew exactly what she was thinking. She nodded in agreement. “The Klingon raider would be great – she’ll recognize it,” Chakotay suggested.

“Perfect,” Kathryn said.

Admiral Mendez nodded again, giving her consent. “It’s is in the shuttle bay.”

Kathryn went on. “If Jem’s aboard one of those ships, we’ll use the raider to draw her out, make her reveal herself.” She turned to Captain Asani. “We’ll need to stage a distraction – something that will make Jem think she can slip away and search for what she’s looking for without being noticed.”

Captain Asani nodded, a small smile tugging at her lips. “Well, they clearly came here looking for a fight, so we’ll give it to them, and make sure to drag it as long as we can.”

Kathryn nodded.

Chakotay moved to Tom’s station. “Tom, can you pull up a map of the area?” When Chakotay made sure that Kathryn, Captain Asani and Admiral Mendez were with him, he pointed to a dot on the map. “This solar system has a few small, mostly uninhabited planets. We’ll try to lure her away from the battle and to this small M-class planet. It’s close enough that I think she’ll follow us there if she thinks we’re trying to escape with the technology she’s after. We’ll lure her to that planet and set our trap there.”

When everyone nodded, Kathryn added, “let’s use the Delta Flyer as well. That way we’ll have back up if we need it. B’Elanna,” Kathryn instructed, “you’ll go in the Flyer, Captain, can you spare two security officers to accompany her?” Asani nodded before she gestured to her security officer. “Good. Tom, Chakotay and I will go in the raider.”

Chakotay touched her arm. “Are you sure you don’t want to oversee things from here?” It was a long shot, but this might be dangerous, and Chakotay couldn’t shake the old First Officer habit to try to protect her.

Her eyes shot to his and held – stubbornly. “I’m sure.” Her tone and the flash in her eyes brooked no argument. Her gaze, which she held slightly longer than usual, seemed to say – _there’s no way I’m leaving your side._ Chakotay couldn’t help it, he let a small crooked smile curve his mouth.

“Let’s take Sébas with us,” Chakotay said then, as his eyes traveled to the former Wraith. The older man’s eyes widened in genuine surprise. At Kathryn’s questioning glance, Chakotay explained. “With me, he’s the only one who knows Jem well enough to recognize her. We might need him. And he’s flown with me in the raider before.”

“You trust him?” Tom asked from where he sat at the second piloting station. He sent a glance at Sébas’ direction. “No offense.”

Chakotay gave an ambivalent nod as he raised an apologetic eyebrow at Sébas. “Let’s just say… I trust him enough.”

Kathryn nodded, approving the plan. “Alright then, let’s go. The rest of you,” she paused on the steps, “good luck.”

Captain Asani nodded. “And to you.”

Just as they were about to step out of the bridge, Chakotay heard Captain Asani open a channel with the lead scavenger ship. “This is Captain Asani from the Federation starship Aspire. You are now entering a closed Federation retrieval zone – breaching the protected parameter will be considered an hostile act. And know that we will defend ourselves.”

oooOooo

Kathryn was starting to feel the adrenaline build inside her as they settled in the Klingon raider. Chakotay took the controls while Tom took the weapons station and Kathryn took the back seat, which had all the communication controls. Given his previous experience in the ship, Chakotay had requested Sébas, now uncuffed, to serve as his copilot. He was in charge of the sensors. Though Chakotay probably knew what he was doing, Kathryn had still asked Tom in a low voice to help her keep an eye on him, just in case.

Chakotay eased them out of the shuttle bay, and immediately cloaked the ship, while the Flyer flew with them toward the Voyager wreckage, as if it were simply another shuttle working on retrieving Voyager parts. Kathryn forced herself not to think about her ship and instead focused on the task at hand. She turned on the subspace frequency Captain Asani was using to communicate with the Scavengers. As expected, the ‘negotiations’ were not going well.

“Should we take bets on who’s going to fire first?” Tom asked with a shake of the head as he familiarized himself with the various commands around him.

“It has to be the Kigyun,” Kathryn replied. It was Starfleet protocol. And as if on cue, the Scavenger ships started moving in, getting into formation as they breached the buoys that delineated the perimeter. Then the lead ship fired at the Cousteau. And then all hell broke loose. The three Federation starships got into battle position, their shields holding against the sudden assault of weapons of various kinds. They returned fire, but mostly used evading maneuvers, slowly leading the Scavenger ships away from the wreckage, as if their main goal was to protect it.

“There,” Sébas said, squinting at the screen, and pointing to the dozens of smaller crafts launching from the larger Scavenger ships, all speeding to fire at the Federation shields at closer range. “It’s a good bet that Jem will try to use one of those Stingers to slip on board one of your ships if she gets the chance.”

“Alright. Here’s our cue,” Chakotay said. He fired the thrusters.

“Wait, we’re still cloaked, aren’t we?” Tom asked, “How will she know we’re out here?”

“She’ll know,” was all Chakotay said, his lips a thin line, his eyes on the controls.

oooOooo

Jem dropped herself at the controls of her Stinger and immediately launched out of the Stinger bay along with the eleven others. Things were going according to plan so far – the three Federation starships were busy protecting themselves against the onslaught that Loxeron had launched against them, so now all she had to do was accomplish her end of the mission, which, admittedly, was also the hardest part: finding the shield generators. The intel had mentioned that Starfleet already had recovered them, so she quickly followed the other Stingers away from Voyager’s wreck and toward the three Federation starships, easily avoiding the phaser fire that seemed to rain all around her, causing bright flashes of light as the phasers hit against the Kigyun shields. Loxeron’s ship started targeting the small Federation shuttles that were busy retrieving pieces from the wreck, forcing them to retreat – because if they retreated, then the Federation ships would have to lower their shields momentarily to let them in. That would be Jem’s cue. She had already changed into a Starfleet uniform in anticipation of having to board one of the ships, so she quickly shifted into a young Vulcan male officer, just in case Chakotay and his crew were still around.

As expected, the three Federation vessels moved in to protect their shuttles as the latter raced back to their motherships. Jem accelerated to catch up with the shuttles, going so fast everything around her became but a blur of light. Suddenly her sensors beeped and she frowned at them in surprise. Her Stinger was detecting the energy signature of a Klingon vessel, yet there was no Klingon vessel showing up on her sensors. It must be cloaked. It wasn’t like Starfleet to cloak their ships, so this _had_ to be Chakotay in his Klingon ship! She grinned gleefully.

Hands sweaty, she wiped them against her thighs as she shifted her trajectory to intercept the cloaked signature instead. She immediately noticed that there was another Starfleet-issued shuttle in the same area as the cloaked signal. It must be protecting the Klingon ship. Both of them were fleeing from the raging battle, heading straight for the M-class planet on her scanner, so Jem engaged in pursuit. If they managed to reach the planet, it might be much harder for her to find what she was looking for. So she needed to intercept them before they reached the atmosphere. She quickly contacted two members of her squadron, and ordered them to follow her.

“Fire at will,” she instructed them.

oooOooo

“They’re onto us,” Sébas announced, eyes glued to the sensors. “Three Stingers, heading right for us.”

“Evasive maneuvers,” Kathryn commanded more out of habit than anything else, both to Chakotay and to the Flyer, with whom she maintained an open transmission. Chakotay sent them into a spin, and Kathryn had to grip her seat, even with the inertial dampeners. Despite Chakotay’s nimble flying, the raider suddenly rocked when they were hit.

“We’ve lost the cloak, but the shields are holding, just as we planned,” Sébas stated while everyone else focused on their own consoles. Tom was firing back, while Chakotay continued evasive maneuvers. They had wanted Jem to target their cloak so that she would find them more easily – so far she hadn’t disappointed. They were getting close to the M-class planet now, so they only had to keep up the pretense for a little longer.

“Delta Flyer, what’s your status?” Kathryn asked as her controls beeped, just like everything else, it seemed. And why was it so damn dark in these Klingon ships?

“Shields are holding, maintaining evasive maneuvers,” was B’Elanna’s strained reply.

“We’re almost in position,” Chakotay told Kathryn with one quick look over his shoulder. She met his eyes for one second and gave him a small nod. This would work.

“Get ready,” Kathryn said to both ships, and Chakotay returned her nod.

oooOooo

“Come on, come on, come ON!” Jem was shouting out loud as she and her squadron struggled with their two targets. They were fast and nimble and clearly had experienced pilots at their helms, they could barely touch them. It had to be Chakotay at the helm of the raider; she had seen first-hand how he flew, and this had his style all over it. Jem had succeeded in hitting him, though, causing the cloaking device to malfunction. Now if she could only get a couple of more clean shots…

They were getting really close to the atmosphere of the planet now and Jem cursed. If she wanted to survive through an atmospheric descent, she’d have to reroute power from her weapons to her shields. She had to disable the raider now, before they dove for the planet’s surface.

She chanced a look back and saw that the other starships were still engaged in battle, though two of the Kigyun ships were slowly retreating, as it appeared that their shields were almost depleted. Needless to say, Loxeron would be a little mad if they both lost the ships _and_ Jem came back empty-handed.

Taking a deep breath, she focused on the Klingon raider ahead of them. When her hands relaxed she took in another calming breath. And then she fired. Once. Twice.

Both shots hit the raider’s thrusters just as the raider was entering the atmosphere. It was clear that she’d damaged the navigation, as the raider was now freefalling, heading straight for the planet’s rocky surface. Only the still active shield kept it from burning up as it went down. Jem cursed at her failure to intercept before it crossed into the atmosphere, and then she ordered the other two Stingers to stay on the other Starfleet shuttle while she chased after the raider. She quickly increased power to her shields before she commenced her descent into the atmosphere. The raider was starting to burn and all the smoke it created made it hard for Jem to see where she was going. And then, just a few hundred meters short from the surface, the Klingon raider completely shut down.

Seconds later it crashed in a cloud of dirt, debris and fire.

For one moment Jem could only stare. No one could have survived that crash – not at the speed it had hit the ground.

Jem didn’t take the time to think about how that made her feel. She had to focus on the greater picture. She shook off the unease that had crept up her spine and kept her Stinger plunging until she was close enough to land. She circled over the wreckage a couple of times, watching whether the sensors picked up life signs. When they didn’t she found a good spot to land. She contacted her squadron, but none of them replied. Cursing at the atmospheric interference that likely blocked her transmission, she quickly grabbed her weapons and headed out to go through the wreckage. It was hot on the planet, but Jem was used to heat, after spending the last several years between Neathina and the Doldrums. She approached the wreckage cautiously, her weapon raised, senses on high alert. She started going through the still burning carcass of the Klingon raider, kicking metal plates aside and nudging things around with her foot, half expecting half dreading to come across dead bodies.

As she looked around, it eventually became obvious that there were in fact no bodies in the wreckage. Whoever had been flying that ship must have transported to the other shuttle before the raider had started its freefall through the atmosphere. At the moment when the realization flashed through her mind – and the implications that she’d been had, _again –_ she heard the telltale shimmering sound of transporter beams. She whipped around and ducked behind parts of the starboard thruster, raising her weapon.

She waited impatiently, resisting the urge to look over the hunk of metal she was hiding behind.

And then: “You can stop searching. There were never any generators on that ship, Jem.”

Chakotay. Jem closed her eyes. She cursed under her breath.

He may have found her, but she wouldn’t make it easy for him. She focused her mind, and shifted again, drawing from memory to transform into a shorter woman’s frame with pale skin and shoulder-length light brown hair. Let’s see what he would make of _that_. She slowly came out of hiding, her hands at her sides, but still holding her weapon. All the while her eyes darted around for a possible escape. Chakotay and Sébas were standing a few feet away from her, weapons aimed at her. She should have known that Sébas would stick with Chakotay, those two were alike in many ways – straight arrows, wise from their lived experiences, from having seen too much horror in war. The main difference was that Sébas didn’t _say anything_ most of the goddamned time.

“Chakotay don’t shoot,” Jem said as she slowly moved forward. She had to admit, she’d gotten the North American accent pretty close.

Chakotay frowned at her new appearance, then he tilted his head to the side. Apparently she had gotten Captain Janeway’s physiognomy pretty close, enough to make him doubt. “Kathryn?” He frowned.

“Don’t shoot,” Jem repeated as she took one more step toward them, her brain scrambling for a way to take advantage of his confusion to get away.

He bit his lip as he considered her, his head still tilted. It occurred to her a moment too late that his expression wasn’t confused – it was _amused_. “I’d rather not shoot. But she might,” Chakotay added with a motion of his chin beyond Jem’s shoulder, eyes twinkling in mirth. The real Captain Janeway was standing there, a phaser rifle in her hands, frowning at her. Jem hadn’t scented her – she’d very cleverly situated herself down wind. “What do you think, Captain?” Chakotay asked his captain, raising his eyebrows.

Kathryn Janeway – the real Kathryn Janeway – frowned. “Am I really that short? In my mind I’m taller,” she drawled and Chakotay smiled. Their camaraderie was obvious, and it was annoying as hell – the kind of camaraderie that made the rest of the world feel like a third wheel.

Chakotay returned his eyes to Jem. “Did you really think taking her appearance would work?”

She exhaled, deflated. No. She hadn’t. Not really. She’d only hoped to throw him off balance. So she changed back into her usual human form.

Chakotay nodded as he stepped closer, his phaser still pointed at her. “It not only didn’t make sense for her to be here, you also missed one key detail, Jem,” Chakotay said as casually as if he were merely offering a constructive critique of her tactic, like a teacher to a student. “The eyes. I know this woman’s eye color better than my own.”

Jem threw Captain Janeway a glance over her shoulder before returning her eyes to Chakotay, thoughts racing, biting her lips. How could she turn this to her advantage? _Think._

After a moment she sighed, schooling her features to reflect the right emotions. Vulnerability. Hurt. She met his eyes. “Maybe I just wanted to see you look at me the way you look at her,” she told him in a small voice, drawing from years of experience at deception. To convince him, for the fraction of a second. That was all she needed. The fraction of a second.

He blinked. And in that very brief moment when she saw doubt creep into his eyes, when he considered the possibility that she might actually be sincere, his eyes darted to meet Captain Janeway’s, still standing behind Jem.

There it was. That fraction of a second of distraction she’d been waiting for.

Jem lunged to the side, anticipating Sébas shooting at her at the slightest movement, then rolled until she came back up to her knees. She fired her weapon at Chakotay’s arm – the one holding the phaser – and hit, making him drop it with a grunt. She felt the painful tingling sensation of a phaser fire on her back, courtesy of Captain Janeway, but then Jem moved again and started running toward her ship.

Suddenly something rammed into her from the side – Sébas. In her rush she had lost track of his position. He had always been stealthy as a Romulan. They fell to the ground hard. She kicked him, the force of it should have sent him backward, but he’d anticipated it. “Now!” He grunted as he tried to pin her by twisting one of her arms. But Jem fought hard, and though he was strong, she was stronger. She elbowed him then twisted _his_ arm – she felt it dislocate and he yelped in pain. She took advantage of the moment to kick him hard in the ribs. She jumped to her feet and swiveled on her foot to kick him, but suddenly a bright, energy-based wall appeared between her and her target and her foot went through the wall before she could stop her momentum. Searing pain unlike anything she’d ever felt traveled up her leg and she fell back to the ground, for a moment surprised to see that her leg was still attached to the rest of her. The pain had been such that for a moment she’d almost thought the energy barrier had severed it. She crawled backward away from the force field, her leg still feeling like it was on fire, only to realize that the field was all around her. 

She was trapped.

She swore.

oooOooo

As soon as Jem was secure inside the forcefield net, Kathryn shouldered her weapon and rushed to Chakotay’s side, hitting her combadge on the way. “Janeway to the Delta Flyer, we have Jem in custody. Both Chakotay and Sébas suffered non-life threatening injuries.”

Moments before the Klingon raider had started descending into the atmosphere, the four passengers had transported back to the Flyer, letting the raider go unmanned. They had watched Jem dive after it, and from there, it had been relatively easy to track her to the wreckage. Kathryn had to admit, their improvised plan had worked much better than she had expected.

“Acknowledged,” B’Elanna’s disembodied voice replied. “Tom is ready with the medkit. We have the situation under control up here.”

Chakotay was wincing and sweating in the heat, clearly in pain, still holding his arm where Jem’s energy weapon had left a burnt, open wound. Sébas was still sitting on the ground, holding his own arm and catching his breath. He nodded at Kathryn when he met her eyes.

“Is the cargo bay secure?” Kathryn asked B’Elanna.

“Yes, Captain. We’re ready to receive the prisoner.”

“Give us a moment.” Kathryn reached Chakotay.

“I can’t believe I let myself get distracted again,” he grunted through gritted teeth, in a mix of frustration and pain. He looked white as a ghost, his hand still firmly holding his wounded arm.

Kathryn smiled gently. She understood his feelings – the two times that Jem had almost escaped, she had taken advantage of Chakotay’s instinct to meet Kathryn’s eyes. Jem had used his feelings against him. “Oh, I’m a distraction, am I now?” Kathryn said jokingly as she gently peeled his fingers away from his wound. She winced despite herself.

He scoffed, his frustration slowly making way to relief that this – this whole mission – was truly over. “Oh you have no idea,” he replied with a small crooked smile as he glanced at her.

She smiled, assessing his injury. “Nothing the Doctor won’t be able to fix once we get you back to Voy-” she stopped, catching herself. She swallowed. “Once we get you back to Aspire.” She gave him a small smile, but her slip of the tongue had left her raw, so the smile probably came out a little strained.

He raised his free hand to touch her cheek, but as if remembering that it was stained with his blood, he let it drop at his side and instead stepped closer to lean his brow against hers – understanding – his eyes closing in relief, his breath washing over her cheek. Kathryn circled his waist with her arm and squeezed him into her for a second, before she shifted to use her arm around him to support him and get him moving along. As far as she knew there was nothing wrong with his legs, but if _her_ knees felt wobbly from the adrenaline-inducing altercation, then chances were that his were too. Meanwhile, Sébas managed to stand on his own and met them halfway, cradling his injured side.

“Thank you,” Chakotay told him. “If you hadn’t been there…” Chakotay shook his head at himself, but then gave Sébas a small smile. “To be honest I wasn’t certain you wouldn’t decide to side with her, if given the opportunity.”

Sébas almost smiled. “Given my history, you took one hell of a gamble. But I told you before, I’m done with the Wraiths.”

Chakotay nodded in the direction of Jem, still sitting and holding her leg, encased in the force field. “And so you are,” he extended his good hand and Sébas shook it with his uninjured one.

Once they were ready, Kathryn contacted B’Elanna again and, seconds later, they all found themselves back aboard the Delta Flyer, still in orbit above the planet. Kathryn’s eyebrows rose when she noticed that there were already two prisoners present in the Flyer’s cargo bay, each contained within their own forcefields. They were sitting, looking grim and annoyed.

Tom made his way to assess Chakotay’s injured arm. “The pilots from those two Stingers that came after us,” he explained.

Jem threw Chakotay and Kathryn a despising look as B’Elanna and the two security officers nudged her to sit next to her comrades. B’Elanna checked the forcefields again. She gave a satisfied nod when she was done.

“Good work,” Chakotay told them, patting Tom’s shoulder once.

“Any news from Captain Asani?” Kathryn asked. With his arm field-dressed, Chakotay went to take a seat while Tom moved on to assess Sébas’ injuries. 

B’Elanna nodded as she settled at the controls. “The battle is still going on, but three of the Kigyun ships have fled, and the two that are left are taking heavy damage. No casualties on our side.”

Kathryn nodded. “Can you open a channel?” B’Elanna did, then nodded. “This is Captain Janeway, mission accomplished on our end.”

“Good to hear,” Captain Asani’s voice responded. “We have boarded the lead Kigyun ship, and given the situation, we have been ordered by Starfleet Command to contact the Kigyun leadership and propose a truce. We were just waiting for an update from you to start implementing the order.”

Kathryn smirked. “By all means, implement away. We’re done here.”

“Acknowledged. We’ll leave the garage door open for you.”

oooOooo


	13. Chapter 13

By the time Chakotay got out of the now all-too-familiar Aspire sickbay, his arm still tender but mostly healed, he realized he was starving. However Captain Asani had invited the Voyager senior staff, Admiral Mendez, as well as the captains of the Cousteau and Einstein to dine with her in the evening while the three ships traveled to Earth together. So Chakotay decided to stop by the mess hall for a small snack, just enough to sustain him until then. When he was done he still had some time to kill before dinner. His mind floated back to his conversation with Kathryn in the holodeck earlier that day. _You should have come and found me._ Chakotay smiled to himself. As much as he was tempted to do just that, while he’d been stuck in sickbay, Kathryn had decided to check up on the rest of the Voyager crew currently dispersed on the Einstein and the Cousteau. And he doubted she would be back already. So with about an hour left to kill before dinner, he decided to take the opportunity to get a haircut from the ship’s barber while he could.

Once he was done with that, feeling more like himself than he had in weeks, he moved on to the other thing that had been weighing on him since they’d caught Jem.

His steps took him down to the brig.

It was quiet when he stepped inside the room, the silence only interrupted by the background hum of the energy fields containing their now six prisoners. Chakotay nodded to the security officers as he approached the cells. Sébas was likely to get a deal for all of his help, but for now he was still the first cell’s resident. When Chakotay walked in he was reading on a PADD and he looked up to nod at him. Chakotay returned it. Next was Katan, who appeared to be sleeping on his bunk, facing the back wall. Punjan was just sitting there and he gave Chakotay a sour look before turning his head to stare ahead. And then was Jem.

She was pacing in her cell, as if still full of pent-up energy. Chakotay turned on the communication system so that they could speak without her neighbors hearing before pulling up a chair near the force field. She gave a derisive smirk when she saw him sit down.

“Did you come to gloat? I didn’t think your Starfleet sense of decency would permit you to do that,” she said by way of greeting.

Chakotay shook his head. “You thought right – gloating is not really my style. How’s the leg?” He had seen the sheer pain and fear when her leg had passed through B’Elanna and Seven’s “net.” It must have hurt like hell.

She shrugged. “I’ll live. How’s the arm?” She replied without losing a beat, raising an eyebrow.

Chakotay gave a crooked smile. “I’ll live.”

She nodded, then seeing that he didn’t say anything else, she sighed, in so doing shedding the hostility from her posture. It left her looking small. “What’s going to happen to me?” She asked as she stepped a little closer to the force field and crossed her arms.

“The Federation will charge you with grand larceny, for the series of thefts you’ve orchestrated and for unlawfully seizing Federation technology. And humanoid trafficking charges are usually hefty.”

She snorted, shaking her head. “That wasn’t me. I struck a bargain with the Second Clan – I allowed them to use my compound for their trafficking activities in exchange for the heir’s help in getting me accepted by the rest of the clans. If I had known…”

Chakotay studied her. For once he knew that she was speaking the truth. It fitted with everything else he knew about her. “Just because you didn’t do it yourself, do you think that makes it okay?”

“No. Of course I don’t. I’ve always despised those kinds of businesses. But… desperate times call for desperate measures. For what good it did me,” she muttered to herself as she turned her head to look around, as if she couldn’t quite bear Chakotay’s steady and disapproving gaze. In the end she went to sit on her bunk.

“For your information,” Chakotay started again, “I’ve been authorized to tell you that a certain Loxeron has also been apprehended. That’s the Second Clan heir you struck a bargain with, right?”

She nodded, her eyes widening. And then she laughed, as if the thought of dragging Loxeron down with her gave her a great sense of satisfaction.

“What did you promise in exchange for the armada?” Chakotay asked. “The Federation crews would have made easy pickings for the slave market, is that it?”

She shook her head. “I told you – I don’t trade in humanoid lives.”

“No, you let others do it for you.”

She shook her head, annoyed. “I promised them all of my assets, present and future. And my allegiance to them, should they decide to take on the First Clan.” She tilted her head. “The Kigyun will likely retaliate for Loxeron’s capture.”

Chakotay nodded. “Maybe. But for now Starfleet has established a truce with the First Clan. They seem perfectly fine with the knowledge that we have Loxeron. In fact, they assure us that they knew nothing about your operation with the Wraiths, or Loxeron’s involvement, and that they would have never condoned your actions if they had known. Looks like your desire to belong backfired.” Her eyes flashed for a moment, but then she turned away.

“Whatever,” she mumbled. “So you’re not here to gloat, but to lecture me, is that it?”

Chakotay shook his head. “No. But there _are_ some things I’m curious about, so I thought we could cut to the chase and have an honest conversation for once.” He paused to lean his elbows on his thighs. “How did you know that Voyager had all that anti-Borg technology? The ablative generators? As far as I know it wasn’t public knowledge.” He made sure his tone was curious rather than making it sound like an interrogation. It had been nagging at him for a while, now.

She considered him for a moment, her lips tugging upward, just a slight twitch. “You’re wondering if there’s a spy among you. I don’t know anything about that. I got the information from the Kigyun intel network. Paid a good price for it too. But I can tell you that the Kigyun generally stay away from Starfleet, though, so it’s more likely that there was a leak and the information found its way into Scavenger hand.”

Chakotay nodded. That was good to know, though he knew better than to take her at her word. Which brought him to the second question that had been nagging at him. He paused as he considered her, the pretty, keen face and the strange bottomless eyes. He inhaled. “You were just taunting me earlier, when you said you wanted me to look at you as I look at Captain Janeway,” he said, turning his statement into a question. He already knew the answer, it was a leading question.

She raised her chin at that. “I was... Or _was_ I?” She added with a crooked smile and narrowed eyes.

Chakotay snorted, shaking his head. “Here’s what’s bugging me about it: the only reason why I hesitated, was because if you’d had feelings for me it would have explained why you let me live for so long. You had several opportunities to kill me or get rid of me. Katan certainly would have been happy to do the job for you, if you’d asked him. So why didn’t you?”

She shrugged, but Chakotay could see her debating with herself whether to tell him the truth. “I’m just not a fan of killing. Or violence.” She looked away again.

“Could have fooled me.”

Her eyes met his squarely at the reference to her attacks on him. “That was out of necessity. I wouldn’t have killed you.”

“So, you’re actually telling me that your sense of morality is what stopped you?”

“Yes. Why is that so hard for you to believe?” She asked when Chakotay started chuckling humorlessly with a shake of the head. “You almost killed Punjan but you stopped before finishing him. Why am I different?”

Chakotay shook his head, but then stood to his feet, setting the chair back where he’d found it. She wasn’t entirely wrong, but it wasn’t just that – it was the whole context. Even though Chakotay honestly didn’t think she was evil, she was still a crime boss who had permitted humanoid trafficking to happen in her house, under her watch. “If you really don’t know then maybe your sense of morality is a little off kilter,” he replied. “But I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and choose to believe you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have somewhere I need to be.”

“Wait,” she called back just before he went through the brig door. She raised her chin. “You caught me fair and square, so I guess you’ve earned the truth. I _was_ taunting you, earlier. You’re a decent one – that’s a compelling quality, but it can also be a weakness. I knew that you wouldn’t be able to bear the thought that you might have hurt my feelings, so I took advantage of it. I suppose I’m telling you this as a cautionary tale.”

Chakotay studied her a while longer. A while ago she had told him he was too kind for this kind of work, and the more he thought about it, the more he realized that maybe she’d been right. Had he gone soft in the years on Voyager? No. He’d always sought out the good in people, long before he had met Kathryn and the rest of the Voyager crew. He sighed mentally at the way Jem’s words unwittingly reminded him of the other times his ‘decency’ – his desire to do the right thing, to see the good in people – had been turned against him. With Seska, in particular. Would he ever learn? He pushed the thought away.

“Well,” she went on after a moment, “although it costs me to admit defeat, you’ve played me well. I might be eighteen, but I’m mature enough to recognize that you outsmarted me.” _This time,_ her words seem to hang in the silence, and in the challenge in her eyes.

Chakotay frowned at it, fully serious now. “It wasn’t a game, Jem.”

“Sure it was. And I learned some valuable lessons.”

“Have you?” Chakotay prompted, not entirely sure whether he wanted to hear the answer.

“Never trust anyone. Especially not the decent ones.”

Chakotay sighed, rubbing his forehead. “Well, I’m truly sorry that this is the lesson you got out of all this.” He considered saying more, perhaps try to make her see the real lessons, but he was already running late for dinner, so he merely studied her for a moment longer. “Take care, Jem.” With one last nod he left the brig.

oooOooo

“Would you like to hold her, Captain?”

Kathryn paused her cooing over Miral in Tom’s arms to raise her eyes to Miral’s father. “Oh I’d love to,” Kathryn replied, beaming.

Tom exchanged a smile with B’Elanna before transferring Miral to Kathryn’s arms. With the feel of the baby in her arms, Kathryn resumed her quiet cooing while she listened to Tom, B’Elanna, Harry and Commander Hale discussing the latest updates on the whole Kigyun situation. There was now talk of more official negotiations opening up between the Federation and the Scavenger leadership, mostly to offer them a way to create a lawful version of their trade. She knew Starfleet intended these negotiations to have a curtailing impact on criminal activities, but having seen firsthand what those compounds had been like – the fear, the stench, the despair – Kathryn couldn’t quite bring herself to agree with Starfleet’s lenient policy. But perhaps she was too close to the whole thing to see the entire picture. Maybe she needed time to accept it, just like she would eventually need to come to grips with the fact that she no longer had a ship. That she’d lost Voyager. The unbidden thought instantly constricted her throat. She quickly swallowed past the lump, focusing on Miral’s wide eyes and the small fingers that instinctively gripped hers.

After a moment, Kathryn looked over her shoulder, scanning for Chakotay through the small crowd. All of Voyager’s senior staff was already here, mingling with each other and with Captain Asani’s other guests before dinner was served, but Chakotay was running fashionably late. This was likely to be the last night aboard Aspire; hence the invitation to dinner at the captain’s table. Kathryn was grateful for the opportunity to unwind with her peers after the last few days, but there was another part of her – the emotionally and physically exhausted part of her – that longed for the moment when she would be able to settle in a warm bath and, hopefully, lose herself in Chakotay’s arms.

As if she’d conjured him with her thoughts, out of the corner of her eyes she spied him walking through the door and look around before being accosted by Captain Asani. The captain offered him a glass of white wine, which he took with a nod and a smile, before he scanned the room again. His smile widened when his gaze found Kathryn's. She couldn’t quite stop herself from watching him as he made his way through the crowd, smiling and greeting everyone with nods, smiles, and amicable hands on shoulders. Her earlier desire to be alone with him only strengthened as she remembered the feel of those hands on her skin. He smiled at them when he reached their group at last, making eye contact with Kathryn briefly.

“Well look at you,” B’Elanna drawled teasingly as her eyes traveled to his newly-cut hair. “All that’s missing is the uniform.”

Chakotay chuckled, deflecting the attention by directing his eyes to Miral, still wide awake in Kathryn’s arms. He chuckled delightfully when he reached out and Miral grasped his fingers on instinct. The sight was so endearing Kathryn felt something swell inside her.

“You _are_ coming back, aren’t you?” Tom asked Chakotay.

Kathryn studied Chakotay’s expression. His eyes darted to hers ever so briefly before quickly returning his gaze resolutely to Miral. “Actually I haven’t decided yet.”

Kathryn studied him some more. It was telling that he hadn’t made up his mind yet. She knew him well enough to know that if he had intended to return to Starfleet, he would already be wearing the uniform. So he must be seriously considering not returning then. She wasn’t sure what to make of that yet, except that it seemed to bring home the fact that their journey to the Delta Quadrant was truly, irrevocably over. With Voyager gone, Chakotay officially resigning… Kathryn shoved the thought away.

To lighten the mood, Kathryn swatted at his chest with the back of her hand, changing the topic. “You’re late!” She reprimanded, though her smile belied her reproach. There was a question in there, so Chakotay nodded.

“I stopped by the brig before coming up here. I had some questions for Jem. It turns out she was chattier than I expected.”

Kathryn’s smile turned curious, but just as she opened her mouth to speak, Captain Asani invited them all to sit at the table. Kathryn sat between Chakotay and Captain Asani and soon everyone was chatting amicably as they ate, mostly relating key moments from the last few days and discussing current developments. Though Chakotay was smiling and occasionally active in the conversation, he was mostly quiet, and Kathryn couldn’t stop herself from stealing glances at him. Wondering what could be on his mind. 

At some point Admiral Mendez addressed all those present, wearing a rare smile. “Well, if any of you are interested to come work for me at Starfleet Intelligence, I will take you in a heartbeat. All of you,” she added and Kathryn couldn’t fail to notice the admiral’s meaningful look at Chakotay. He and everyone laughed at her joking tone, but Kathryn had an inkling the offer was real, especially where he was concerned. He’d told her earlier that he had hated working as an undercover agent, so she doubted he would accept should Mendez offer. Nevertheless she wished she could read his mind at that moment, to know what he was thinking. 

After that the conversation drifted on its own and continued even after they were done eating. Kathryn was engaged in a conversation with Captain Asani and her first officer when Commander Nobrega suddenly stood and cleared her throat. “If I could have a moment’s attention,” she said, drawing everyone’s focus on her, then cleared her throat again. Kathryn glanced questioningly toward Chakotay but he gave a quick shake of the head. Commander Nobrega moved around her chair and stopped right in front of Kathryn. She had her hands behind her back, as if she were hiding something.

“Captain Janeway, as you know, some of the Voyager crew worked with the Cousteau and Einstein officers to salvage what they could from Voyager. They found this, which we all felt should return to you.” As she spoke she revealed what she’d been holding behind her back.

Kathryn swallowed hard as she stared in stunned surprise, her eyes stuck to the familiar golden plaque in the commander’s hands, inscribed with the words _USS Voyager_. The very same plaque that had hung on the bridge. Kathryn stared at it for a long time, her mind going completely blank for a full two seconds. She slowly took the plaque from Nobrega’s hands and the feel of the cold metal on her fingers suddenly triggered a rush of sorrow so strong she couldn’t breathe.

This. This was what was left of her ship. Of their journey. Of their hardships and successes. Of their home.

She wanted to say something – thank Nobrega, thank the crew. But her throat had closed up, hot tears pricking her eyes. Her gaze swept around the table, but seeing the understanding and sympathetic smiles and gazes of her officers and friends, the tightness around her chest and throat and lungs only worsened. And suddenly the surge of emotions that she had worked so hard to ignore over the last few days swelled inside her, overpowering and uncontrollable. Refusing to let herself fall apart in front of everyone, she pushed to her feet with a sharp inhale. “Excuse me.” She darted out of the room, her hand coming up to cover her mouth. It was impossible to ignore the feel of everyone’s gazes on her back.

Kathryn only got as far as the corridor before she stopped and lifted her arm to lean against the bulkhead, closing her eyes. She couldn’t breathe, not through the tightness constricting her ribcage and her throat and her heart. She took a series of deep, shaky breaths, desperate to get a grip. She couldn’t fall apart now, not when they were all waiting for her to come back and be Captain Kathryn Janeway. Strong. Willful. Determined. _In control_. She had been able to keep it in all this time, she just had to get a grip-

“Captain.”

Commander Nobrega. Kathryn sniffled as she straightened. “If you don’t mind I need a minute, Commander,” she replied, hating how shaky her voice sounded.

Out of the corner of her eyes, Nobrega nodded, but stepped closer anyway. “Of course. And I’ll leave you alone in a moment. There’s just one thing I think you need to hear. It might help, I don’t know. I hope it will help.” She stepped a little closer, as if approaching a frightened animal. “I can’t even begin to understand what you’re going through. I imagine Voyager must have seemed like a member of the crew to you, after everything you went through. And I’m truly sorry for your loss. But, I thought you should know… I’ve had a chance to talk to most of the crew over the last couple of days, just, checking up on them. And every single one of them agrees: it’s not the ship that matters. The ship will be rebuilt. Luckily, all of Voyager’s logs and database have already been transferred to Starfleet Command, so almost everything we lost can be rebuilt. And it will be. As the metaphor goes, Voyager will be reborn from her ashes. Like a phoenix.”

Kathryn shook her head, but the commander wasn’t done.

“My point, Captain, is that, though the crew is saddened by the loss of Voyager, there’s one thing that was brought up repeatedly: and that’s the relief that _you_ were still here to hold them together. _You_ are the soul of Voyager, Captain. You. Not the ship.”

Damn her, that did it.

The straw that broke the camel’s back. The gut-wrenching sob that she had fought so hard to keep in check rose from deep, deep within her and escaped, and there was nothing she could do to keep it in this time. Suddenly tears were spilling from her eyes and another sob escaped her when she tried to breathe.

At that moment Kathryn knew that this sob had been building inside of her for days now, ever since she had realized Voyager had been destroyed. She had kept it under control, pushing it aside, focusing on the happiness she was finding with Chakotay, concentrating on the mission. But she realized now that those had only been stalling mechanisms – that building up of emotions was always going to have to be let out at some point. And it wasn’t only about the loss of Voyager either – this was a catharsis for everything else that had happened, the highs and lows of her emotions, the worry, the relief, the fear, the joys, the exhaustion… And now that the floodgates were open, there was no stopping it.

The commander was at her side in seconds, placing a light hand on her arm, as if unsure whether she was allowed to touch the captain. “I’m sorry, I thought it would help!” She said, looking genuinely baffled.

Kathryn laughed through her tears, wiping at her nose with her hand. “It does, Commander. It does.” She reached out to squeeze the commander’s arm. She wiped at her cheeks when she was able to breathe more normally. “The Phoenix. That’s a better name than Voyager-B,” she managed to drawl jokingly through a watery smile.

The commander’s lips twitched, but then nodded. “I’ll leave you alone, now.” She stood to attention and gave her a solemn nod, clicking her heels together. “Captain.” She turned to walk away.

“Lisa,” Kathryn called her as she wiped her cheeks, enjoying the proud surprise on the younger woman’s face at Kathryn’s use of her first name. Kathryn cleared her throat, then drew in a breath. “Thank you. For this, and for the plaque,” she added as she raised the plaque she still held in her hand to hold it against her chest. “It was very thoughtful of you.”

Lisa nodded with a small smile of her own before she continued on her way and left her alone.

Or…not quite.

Kathryn noticed that Lisa passed by Chakotay on her way back inside Captain Asani’s dining room. He had one foot in the dining room and one foot in the corridor, holding the door open with his hand on the panel, as if debating with himself whether he should go back inside or come to her; not wanting to intrude, yet letting her know that he was there if she needed him. Letting her decide if she wanted him here.

And she did. Oh god, she did.

It must have shown in her expression because when their eyes locked he stepped completely out into the corridor and quickly bridged the distance that separated them. He stopped just short of running into her and took her free hand, giving it a hard squeeze. It was apparent from his expression that he wanted to offer more, but wasn’t sure how much she would allow him to show in this very public space; still not daring to assume that she’d be willing to let the rest of the world witness her vulnerability while in her captain’s uniform. But that ship had long sailed now. If people were going to talk, she might as well give them plenty to talk about. So Kathryn made the decision for him. After one long moment looking into his eyes, she let herself fall against him, because in that moment her need for that contact was greater than her pride. He sighed against her hair as he pulled her close, engulfing her in warmth and strength. She breathed him in, his familiar scent soothing, making her smile as she buried her face into his neck.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t stop it. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me,” he told her, his voice low and pained. 

She knew what he was referring to – that moment when she had realized that evacuating Voyager was the only thing left to do. And she had to admit, at the time she had resented him for not being there too. But now she breathed him in and said, “You’re here now.”

She felt him nod, his hand gently cradling her head, then stroking her back. After a long moment, his embrace loosened.

“So what do you say, should we just ditch the rest of the evening?” He was trying to lighten the mood, and Kathryn had to admit, it worked. She was even able to smile.

“The both of us disappearing together after all this?” She commented wryly, “that would be too much for the grapevine to handle.”

A small smile curved his mouth at the sound of her more typical humor. “But you’ve gotten so good at rumor-mongering, it’d be a shame not to take advantage of that newfound skill of yours,” he replied, eyes crinkling in amusement. 

Her small snort turned into a bark of laughter, and she was immensely grateful to him for that. To have him by her side to make her smile when she needed it the most. She sighed. “As tempting as that sounds,” she replied, her hand going to rest on his chest, “I should probably go back in. Go on back ahead of me. I just need another minute.”

He nodded, his eyes still roaming over her face, as if making sure that she was really okay. He gently wiped moisture from her cheek with his thumb. She squeezed his hand in encouragement.

“I’ll tell them you had something in your eye,” he replied with a wink as he spun to leave. Just before he crossed the threshold, he threw her a small smile over his shoulder.

Kathryn took a couple of deep breaths. Her gaze fell on the plaque she was still holding. She caressed the lettering one more time, thinking back to Commander Nobrega’s words. To know that the crew was behind her, that they didn’t blame her… _The soul of Voyager._ The sentiment touched her beyond words. And now that she thought about it, Kathryn could recall that she actually had felt it, earlier, when she’d visited the crew dispersed on the various ships. She had seen how genuinely happy they’d been to see her, how proud they were that she would take the time to check up on them. This knowledge didn’t lessen the grief she felt, but it did make it easier to bear. And Commander Nobrega was right, Voyager would be reborn, and though it wouldn’t be the same ship, it was the crew that mattered, and the bonds of friendships and loyalty that they created. The rest would come later.

~~o~~

Kathryn decided to drop the plaque in her quarters before returning to the dining room, taking the opportunity to freshen up by the same token, erasing any trace of her emotional outburst. Once she felt composed and more like herself, Kathryn returned to Captain Asani’s dining room. By the time she stepped back inside, many of the guests had left the table and were once again spread in small groups, standing or sitting, and chatting over coffee or dessert.

She immediately found Chakotay’s gaze across the room while he conversed with Seven and Harry in one corner, and she returned his nod and small smile. Rather than go to them, however, she went to seek out Captain Asani instead, to thank her for dinner and to apologize for leaving so abruptly. Captain Asani was quick to dismiss her apology and instead poured her a cup of coffee and asked her what she thought about the latest paper on the discovery of new protein cofactors in a life form native to the Andorian system – a clear attempt at taking Kathryn’s mind away from anything Voyager-related. Though Kathryn was grateful, the captain needn’t have worried; Kathryn felt better now, lighter. Steadier. Thanks to Lisa and Chakotay. Nevertheless she was pleased to find in Captain Asani a fellow scientist and she quickly fell in conversation with her, enjoying the opportunity to get to know her better.

After a while Kathryn mingled – or worked the room, as Chakotay described it – with the other captains and guests as well. She’d always liked public functions like this one, where she got to meet interesting people and engage in stimulating conversations, and tonight’s guests didn’t disappoint. Eventually she found herself back next to Chakotay, chatting with Harry, Tuvok, Tom, B’Elanna and Seven. From what she’d overheard, the group was exchanging anecdotes about the Delta Quadrant and Kathryn had been attracted by the laughter that occasionally erupted from their group.

“If there’s one thing the Delta Quadrant didn’t have,” Harry was saying when she joined the group, “is good coffee!” He raised his mug as if to demonstrate.

“Do you remember that coffee substitute Neelix found?” Tom replied, chuckling. “It was terrible!”

B’Elanna giggled as she swayed with Miral in her arms. “It tasted like mud. Thank goodness that didn’t stick around.”

Kathryn smiled with the others – she was inclined to share the sentiment. This was good, she decided: remembering the good times. It would be therapeutic. It already was – she could feel it, how it was taking her grief and turning it into something more positive.

Harry laughed as he went on, “Any of you remember, when we were running low on fuel to run the replicators, and we spotted a nebula where we might harvest some. And you, Captain, pointed at that nebula and said: _There’s coffee in that nebula!_ There couldn’t have been a stronger motivator! _”_ He said, doing a rather good impression of her, and they all chuckled again.

Kathryn shared their smiles, shaking her head. “I’d forgotten that – but let me tell you, it’s a very good thing that we were able to refurbish our replicators. You might not have made it with your captain otherwise. No offense to Neelix! I miss him terribly, but I can’t say the same for his coffee substitute.”

“His cooking was always an adventure, that’s for sure,” Tom added, grinning.

“To say the least,” Tuvok added with a raised eyebrow.

“I remember,” Seven chimed in, smiling, “the first time he made me try eating fresh food rather than using my alcoves.” She went on to describe Neelix’s kindness to her and the funny expression on his face, sparking another round of chuckles.

Kathryn raised her coffee mug in a toast. “Here’s to Neelix! Our friend, cook, ambassador and morale officer! May he find all the happiness that he so greatly deserves! And may our paths one day cross again!”

They clinked with fond and nostalgic smiles.

“And here’s to Voyager,” Kathryn went on, her voice lower, but steady and strong. She met Chakotay’s eyes briefly before going on. It warmed her heart to see the quiet pride and love in the hint of his smile and the softness of his eyes. “The ship that brought us to the end of the galaxy and back! We wouldn’t be here without her!”

“To Voyager,” the others echoed with broad smiles, clinking their mugs and glasses once more.

Chakotay then asked Seven about her alcoves, and what she was going to do to regenerate. She told him that they had managed to transfer one to Earth for Icheb. “But for now, I suppose I will have to try to sleep. I imagine it will take some time for me to feel as energized from it as I did using the alcoves.” She sighed, then her eyes narrowed with humor. “I will adapt.” Her typical reply prompted another round of chuckles and knowing nods.

Miral started fussing in B’Elanna’s arms not long after that, so she and Tom were the first to take their leave. It prompted a general movement and soon most of them were thanking Captain Asani and saying their goodnights before leaving. Kathryn once again became aware of how exhausted she was. It had been a very, _very_ long day. Was it only this morning that she’d woken up deliciously warm in Chakotay’s bed, surrounding by the scent of him? She felt herself flush at the memory. It felt like days had passed since then.

Kathryn went around to say her thanks and goodnights, then met Chakotay’s eyes across the room. He gave her a small nod from where he was still in conversation with Admiral Mendez. Kathryn understood that to mean that he would catch up with her, so she left with Harry, Lisa, Tuvok and Commander Hale, still chatting and joking amicably. When Kathryn reached her quarters she glanced over her shoulder. There was no sign of Chakotay yet, so she went in and decided to draw herself a hot bath to erase any lingering traces of her emotional roller coaster. She had used the sonic shower earlier, but after the last couple of days and the night’s emotions, she felt she’d earned an actual bath.

She got in with a sigh, and with each minute that passed in the warm, scented water, her emotions truly settled, leaving her feeling more at peace than she had in weeks. She was just starting to relax, wonderfully drowsy, when her combadge came to life, where she’d left it with her clothes. She reached out to grab it. “Janeway.”

“Sorry I took so long.” Chakotay. “It ended up taking a while with Admiral Mendez, then I thought I’d walk Calypso for a bit before turning in. I didn’t wake you, did I?”

She smiled. “No, I’m just taking a bath.” She paused, but when he didn’t comment she went on. “Remember what I said about _assuming_ earlier?” She teased.

He chuckled. “I don’t think I’m likely to ever forget that particular conversation.”

“Well, it also means assuming that you are welcome in my quarters.”

She could almost hear the grin in his voice when he replied. “Good. Because I’m already on my way. I told you it would be risky to give me leave to assume.” Kathryn almost squealed a very uncaptain-like sound at both his words and the gravelly quality of his voice. She got out of the tub and dried herself before pulling on her underwear and covered herself with a robe. She was drying the tips of her hair that had touched the water with the towel when the door chimed. She grinned when the door opened, revealing him leaning against the frame with his one of hands, while the other was hidden behind his back. Kathryn’s smile widened when she realized he’d brought Calypso. The dog circled Kathryn’s legs excitedly as soon as she recognized her. Kathryn bent over to pet her.

With a grin Chakotay lifted his hand to reveal a bottle of wine. “I don’t know about you, Captain, but I could use a drink after the week I’ve had.”

Kathryn chuckled as she remembered how, almost two months before, she had been the one saying similar words to him. Luckily, tonight would have none of the uncertainty and angst of that night. With a wry grin she stepped aside to let him in, making sure that the door closed behind him. As if just taking in her appearance, his eyes traveled down over her robe-clad body all the way to her toes and back up to her slightly wet hair. It was just a brief, sly, glance-over when he walked past her, as if he hadn’t been able to stop himself from peeking, but that in itself was enough to make her toes curl. Suddenly she was acutely aware that either she was embarrassingly underdressed, or he was annoyingly overdressed.

“So, what did she have to say?” Kathryn asked as she extended her hand for him to give her the bottle.

He lifted his eyes back to hers. “Who?”

Kathryn bit back a smirk at the way his eyes had strayed from her face, and coaxed the bottle from his fingers rather than waiting for him to give it to her. “Admiral Mendez,” she clarified as she turned to lead him to the kitchen area.

Both he and Calypso followed her. “Oh, she wanted to congratulate us again. And she wanted to ask if it had been _absolutely_ necessary for us to destroy the Klingon raider. Apparently it had been on loan from a Klingon diplomat.”

Kathryn threw him a look over her shoulder. “Oops.” His eyes twinkled as he returned her smirk. “Is that all?” Kathryn asked curiously as she replicated a bowl with water for Calypso and then opened the wine bottle.

Chakotay gave Calypso the chewing toy he’d had in his pocket to occupy her before he leaned his elbows on the counter as he watched Kathryn pour the wine. He gave a small shrug. “She asked me again, officially.”

“To work for her,” Kathryn stated more than asked, feeling her eyebrows raise to her hairline. Of course she wasn’t surprised – anybody in their right minds would want Chakotay working with them. But the selfish part of her was hoping that if he did return to Starfleet, it would be to travel the galaxy with her.

He nodded.

“Well?” Kathryn pressed curiously as she slid his glass toward him.

“I declined.” His eyes darted down for a brief instant. “I think I’d like to try life as a civilian for a while. See what it has to offer.”

Kathryn stared at him for a moment, though if she were honest with herself, this didn’t really surprise her either, considering his earlier tiptoeing around the question. He frowned a little at her silence, and she realized that he had been dreading her reaction.

“Then that’s what you should do,” she told him softly as she raised her glass to her lips, inhaling the rich aroma of the wine first. 

“No argument?” He pressed softly with a raised eyebrow and the hint of a smile tugging at his lips.

She gave a lopsided smile as she considered it. “None whatsoever. It’s your decision, Chakotay. You know best what will make you happy. And I’ll respect your choice, whatever it is. You have to know that. I’m not your captain anymore.”

“No.” Chakotay’s lips tugged upward, but then he sobered. She took the opportunity to take another sip from her wine. “But I think we can both agree that you didn’t take it so well when I resigned.”

Kathryn shook her head shamefully, then leaned her elbows on the counter as well, mirroring his position and covering his hand with hers. “That’s because I didn’t understand at the time. It just seemed like it had come out of the blue. But I am sorry about the way I reacted that day. I was upset and I didn’t understand what was going on. But I’m long past that, now. Besides,” she added in her usual sarcastic drawl, “I’ve been loving having Commander Nobrega as a first officer: _she_ never lectures me.” She frowned with a crooked smile. “Well, almost never.”

He chuckled softly. “Give her time.” His expression turned serious again. “About that… I didn’t hear what she told you earlier, but…” He lifted his eyes to hers. “How are you, Kathryn? Really?”

She inhaled as she considered it, pushing herself off the counter. “I’m fine.” At his dubious look she went on. “Really, I’m fine. Or I will be. Tonight helped.”

He nodded slowly as he studied her face, understanding that she was talking both about her outburst and the conversation and laughter with the crew afterwards. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Kathryn smiled at the thoughtful offer. “I’m sure I will, but not tonight. I’ve decided that I’m done with sorrow for the night.” She hedged around the counter to come over to his side of it.

He nodded as he reached for her, his soft smile reaching his eyes. “Fair enough.”

“And what about you, Chakotay?”

“What about me?” He frowned curiously.

“Something’s been bothering you all evening. Do you want to talk about it?”

He sighed, tugging on his earlobe once. “It’s nothing. Just…”

“Jem?” Kathryn suggested, studying him. He had mentioned seeing her in the brig before coming to dinner. And Kathryn remembered all too well how Jem had managed to throw him off balance on the planet before they had caught her at last.

Chakotay’s eyes shot to hers in surprise. He dropped himself down on the stool behind him, sighing, his free hand taking hold of hers. “It’s not so much what she said as the fact that I was gullible enough to give her the benefit of the doubt, even after I knew how calculating and manipulating she was. Even after I knew what she was capable of. I can’t stop berating myself for it – my doubt, my… decency, as she called it, almost cost us the mission, Kathryn. She almost escaped – again – because of it.”

“But she didn’t,” Kathryn reminded him. “It’s not like you to second-guess yourself.”

“Not usually, no. But the thing is,” he went on, “she wasn’t the first one to take advantage of me in this way. So I’m left wondering if I’m ever going to learn.”

Kathryn’s eyebrows curved upward in sympathy at the way the frustration and the guilt seemed to pour out of him, as if he’d kept it pent up for too long – all this time he had been there to comfort _her_ , while he had been fighting off demons on his own. She stepped closer into his side and placed her glass on the counter so she could snake her arms around his, resting the tip of her chin on his shoulder.

“Well I hope you never do. Because kindness is not a weakness – and don’t let anyone convince you that it is. Being kind is so much harder than it is to be petty or meanspirited. Being kind takes courage, to open up yourself to the risk of being hurt or taken advantage of, like you were in this instance. It’s a gamble, but one that usually pays off.” Kathryn grinned to herself. “Take it from a brave, beautiful and very wise warrior.”

He chuckled in surprise at the reference, turning his head to meet her eyes more directly. “You remember.”

“Of course I remember. It’s not everyday that I’m described as brave, beautiful _and_ wise. Or called a warrior for that matter.” He chuckled quietly again, and Kathryn went on, more seriously now. “And if you were talking about Seska before, then don’t let that woman get to you now. She was a master at deception, we were _all_ fooled by her. In fact,” Kathryn brought back her more typical humor in her voice, patting his shoulder with her hand, “I’d say your only fault might be your bad luck in finding such deceitful people.”

He snorted, shaking his head, but his smile eventually reached his eyes. “I’ll try to work on that, then.”

Kathryn grinned, then disentangled herself from him, taking hold of her glass again.

“So I take it Jem didn’t mean it then, what she told you on the planet?”

He scoffed. “About having feelings for me? No.”

Kathryn stepped away, starting to make her way to the living room area. He followed half a step behind. “You know I thought she had promise but now I’m quite disappointed in her – she’s a fool if she didn’t see right away how great of a catch you are. And believe me, I know. I _was_ that fool for seven years.”

Chakotay snorted, the good humor and mischief now fully back in his eyes. “You know she’s eighteen, right?”

Kathryn grinned. “Might have been a teenage crush, then.”

His fingers suddenly hooked into the sash of her robe at her lower back, effectively stopping her from walking any further. She grinned when he tugged slightly, making her spin around to face him. He took a sip from his wine as he watched her, his free hand still hooked around her sash and playing with the fabric, as if wondering how easily the knot would come undone if he tugged. “But enough of Jem and teenage crushes,” he said. Kathryn had to gulp at the way his voice seemed to drop an octave. “Are you sure you’re not too disappointed that I’m not going to be a professional spy after all?”

She gave a crooked smile as she slid her hand up to graze the short hair at his nape. “Well, I did rather enjoy the whole rugged look,” she added teasingly as she trailed her knuckles against his now clean-shaven jaw and the slight cleft in his chin. She felt his jaw muscles work under her fingers.

“Really.” His eyes seemed to bore into her. “Duly noted. Anything else?”

Kathryn grinned. She slowly took the glass from his hand and set it down along with hers on the coffee table. His eyes darkened at that, the implications in the gesture, and now both his hands settled at her waist, warm and confident, his thumbs caressing her ribcage through the robe. He tugged on the sash of her robe slightly, bringing her even closer to his body.

Kathryn tilted her head, turning slightly more serious as she studied him. “I really was a fool, you know. I was watching you today, the way you took the lead, listened to everyone’s ideas, the way you rallied the crew, the way you refused to give up ...” She went on, inching even closer, looking down briefly to take his hand before lifting her eyes again. “And I realized how lucky I am not only to have had you by my side all this time, but also to have woken up in your bed this morning. And I could not wait to find myself in your arms again.”

Chakotay groaned deep in his throat at that. In one move his hand shot up to cup her cheek, his fingers pushing her hair back as they tangled in her locks, while his other hand pulled abruptly on her sash to draw her fully against him. He leaned in hungrily and Kathryn met him halfway, matching him kiss for kiss, moan for moan. She gasped when his hand at her waist slipped through the opening of her robe and made contact with her skin, setting her blood on fire with one heady touch. Her hands grabbed the lapels of his shirt to keep his lips on hers as she started walking them backward. She pulled her lips from his just long enough to tug his shirt out of his pants. They laughed when the shirt got stuck around his head. After they managed to pull it off completely, Kathryn brought her hands up to his cheeks and neck. “I have one more thing to confess,” she said as she continued pulling him along with her. “It’s about time I tell you.”

His breaths shallow, his eyes alight with passion and happiness, Chakotay smiled curiously, but there was a hint of dread in his knitted brows. “Oh?” His hand touched her neck, and Kathryn almost lost all of her ability to think when his lips came to replace her fingers.

“I love you,” she said simply, cheekily, smiling as she anticipated his response.

He exhaled. Once. Twice. His hands came up to caress the sides of her face, gently, almost reverently now, his eyes burning brighter, and with more than just passion. “ _That,_ Kathryn, I would have never dared to assume.”

“Well,” Kathryn said with an arch smile, “now you can.”

oooOooo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well, I probably could have ended the story here, but as per usual I didn’t want to let them go quite yet, so there will be a short epilogue, just to wrap everything up nicely. 
> 
> Also, this was a hard part for me to write, because we never really saw Kathryn fall apart on the show. But I hope it was in character nonetheless – I think that if anything would make Captain Janeway lose her cool, losing her ship would be at the top of that list.
> 
> Anyway I hope you enjoyed! Stay tuned for the epilogue…


	14. Epilogue

_Two weeks later_

Chakotay made his way up the steps to Kathryn’s house and let himself in. Calypso immediately came running to him and Chakotay gave her a good petting before moving deeper into the house in search of Kathryn. There were scuffing sounds coming from the living room, as if large objects were being moved around, so he set a course, smiling curiously. “What is the lady of the house up to, huh?” He asked Calypso as she trotted happily next to him.

He stopped when he reached the doorway to the open space of the living room, his mouth curving into a grin at the sight that awaited him. “Reinventing yourself as a home designer?”

Kathryn jumped to a halt – in the middle of pushing the sofa from one end of the room to the other. She had been busy; most of the living room furniture had been moved to a different location, or was left in the middle for future rearrangement.

She gave a crooked grin when she saw him, blowing a lock of her hair away from her face. “I thought about it, but I don’t think it’s for me.”

“Not enough underlings to order about?” Chakotay suggested teasingly as he stepped in more fully to lend her a hand.

She snorted in amusement. “I don’t have the decorating gene,” she clarified. “Besides, who needs underlings when I have you. Give me a hand, will you?”

Chakotay chuckled, then moved to the other side of the couch to help her move it where she wanted it. It suddenly occurred to him that her joke wouldn’t have worked only a few months ago – when he’d actually been her underling. But it struck him now, how the balance of power in their relationship _had_ shifted recently, since they had returned to the Alpha Quadrant and found each other again. He could even pinpoint it to the moment when they’d put their minds together to stop Jem; he had felt it then, the way they had complemented each other rather than Kathryn delegating to him or asking for his opinion as a subordinate. Something of that moment had altered the way she behaved toward him – no longer as a captain, but as a partner.

“Why are we rearranging the living room?” Chakotay asked.

“I’ve been thinking,” she started as she moved on to the armchair and Chakotay followed to help with that one too. “When we had our welcome-home parties when we first got back, two very important members of my crew weren’t there – you and Tuvok. So I’ve decided to host one myself this weekend. I wanted it to be a surprise for you, but then I realized I wouldn’t be able to pull it off without you knowing, so I’m telling you now. I doubt everyone will be able to attend, but I thought we should make more room to-”

Her words faltered when she lifted her eyes and caught his moved expression. Chakotay had no idea how she knew how much he had hated missing those events – he had certainly never said anything. It wasn’t that he cared about getting recognition from Starfleet, but he had hated not being there for her, and for the rest of the crew. They had made it as a team, a crew, so to not be there… Her gaze softened and she reached out to take his hand across the chair, and squeezed.

“Besides, with you here I thought it might be nice to change things around,” she added with a smile and another squeeze of her hand.

When Aspire had dropped them all off back on Earth a couple of weeks before, Chakotay had basically been homeless. Starfleet had offered him temporary quarters, just like they had for the rest of the Voyager crew, but Chakotay had been reluctant to accept under the circumstances. So Kathryn had insisted he come and stay with her instead. At least for the time being. Though Chakotay had worried, just slightly, that they were moving too fast, that they’d need more time to adjust – after all they were both independent people – in actuality it had felt much more natural than he’d anticipated. Of course they were still in a wonderful honeymoon phase, but still, Chakotay had been surprised at how simple it had been to adjust to sharing the same space twenty-four hours a day. But perhaps living on a Starship together for seven years meant that they already knew each other’s habits, so the adaptation wasn’t as steep as it might have been otherwise. And they _had_ cohabitated before, after all.

Chakotay’s eyes crinkled with amusement as he tugged on her hand until she stood facing him. “Is this your way of saying I shouldn’t find a place of my own?”

Her fingers went to play with the hair at his temple. “I suppose it’s my way of saying you don’t have to.”

“Getting used to having home-cooked meals?” Chakotay replied teasingly as he lifted her hand to kiss her knuckles before he let go of her so they could continue moving the furniture.

She laughed, but her arch look told him everything he needed to know. “Among other things. And don’t think I haven’t noticed that you haven’t actually given an answer. About moving in. Permanently.”

He grinned, meeting her eyes. “Because I thought it was obvious. How much I enjoy being here. How much I love this,” he replied as he gestured between the two of them and the furniture. It was something so… wonderfully mundane to do. And he loved it.

She beamed. “Good. I’m glad it’s not just me.” After a look and a smile they resumed working. “Oh, how did your meeting go? I’ve been dying with curiosity all afternoon,” she asked as they moved on to the coffee table. Chakotay nodded at her question. He had just returned from Starfleet Command, for a meeting with the members of the diplomatic corps assigned to the Kigyun negotiations.

“It’s like you suspected. They asked for my help in the negotiations. Apparently I’m considered one of the world’s foremost experts on Kigyun society,” he added sarcastically. “They heard that I’ve been considering starting over in xenoanthropology, so they figured I would have both the prior knowledge and the skill to provide insight, even as a civilian consultant.”

“They’re right. Will you do it?” Kathryn asked curiously as she put back the cushions on the sofa.

Chakotay gave a small shrug. “I admit I’m a little reluctant. I’m not entirely convinced that the Kigyun deserve to be treated with such consideration.” He sighed. “At the same time, I realize that this might provide a peaceful way to put an end to humanoid trafficking and other criminal dealings that arose from their scavenging lifeways. And that in itself seems a worthy pursuit.”

Kathryn nodded. “I agree.” She paused to study him. “And it would give you a great reason to keep communications open with Jem.”

Chakotay straightened to frown at her. “And why would I want to do that?”

She gave a crooked, knowing smile. “Because you feel sorry for her. Don’t deny it – I know you, Chakotay. And though I can’t share the sentiment, I can understand why. I mean to be only eighteen, that clever, and yet so jaded… I think you saw something in her. A flicker of…something good. And deep down I think you’re still hoping to be a good influence on her. And for the record – I do think that if anyone can do it, it’s you.”

Chakotay stared at her for a moment. He wanted to deny it. But of course, Kathryn had seen right through him. It was both amazing and unsettling that she seemed to know him so well. But then again, it was reciprocal. But she was right. Because the fact was, he had always sort of liked Jem – or, more accurately, he hadn’t quite _disliked_ her. Despite everything she had done, she was smart and funny and part of him liked to think that there might be hope for her still.

Chakotay refrained from denying it and instead started moving again, bending to grab one of the smaller coffee tables. “You don’t think I’d be setting myself up to be taken advantage of again?” He asked as he put it down where Kathryn pointed to.

“Well that’s for you to decide. But this time I’ll be here to catch you if you falter,” she quipped teasingly. “Just like you caught me countless times when _I_ faltered. Metaphorically speaking.” Chakotay smiled but she went on before he had a chance to respond. “Besides, she’s not going anywhere, not for a long time. Oh that reminds me,” she added before grabbing the rolled-up rug and unrolling it in the now empty space in the middle of the room. “I ran into Tuvok at Starfleet Command earlier. He heard from Admiral Mendez that Starfleet Intelligence is considering recruiting Punjan into their ranks, because of his skills with hacking into security. They’re hoping that, by having him join, he might help them figure out how to stop others like him.”

Chakotay raised his eyebrow in incredulity.

“My reaction exactly,” Kathryn told him.

“Well, he’s young and impressionable, just a kid, really. I like to think that there’s hope for him, too. Especially if he can get away from his brother’s influence. Did Tuvok have an update about the others?”

“The other Wraiths, you mean? No, he didn’t say.”

Chakotay nodded. Though Katan had worked out a deal with Admiral Mendez, he was still going to prison for many years. And Sébas… As a former Starfleet he faced a court martial for his mutiny attempt, all those years ago. But Chakotay had decided to advocate for him to Starfleet in any way he could. After all he wouldn’t have found Kathryn and the others, or gotten them out without Sébas’ help. And Jem might have escaped again if he hadn’t stopped her. So Chakotay had felt like the good that Sébas had done recently should count for something.

“Anyway,” Chakotay went on, “I told the diplomats that I’d think about it, but I am tempted. How was _your_ day at Starfleet Command?” Chakotay asked as he went to stand with her at the edge of the room to look in on their work. Chakotay had to hand it to her, the room did look more spacious this way.

Given Kathryn’s reaction to the loss of Voyager, he had half expected her to withdraw into herself in the days following their return, as he’d seen her do a couple of times when they had been in the Delta Quadrant. But to his surprise she had rallied remarkably well and continued to go to work at Starfleet Command every day, mostly to bring herself up to speed on the current state of affairs in the Alpha Quadrant, and to oversee the construction of her new ship. She’d been working closely with B’Elanna, Seven and Starfleet engineers on improvements and new designs, and she seemed genuinely enthused with the project. It was obvious in her excited voice when she returned home every day. Though it would take a while before the ship was ready, which meant that unless she chose another assignment she would be earthbound for the duration of the construction, she didn’t seem particularly maudlin or restless or eager to return to space. At least for now.

“It was a good day!” She replied. “B’Elanna had a great idea about how to improve the-” The beeping sound of an incoming transmission coming from the computer in the office interrupted her. “Sorry, I should take this, I’m expecting a transmission from Seven.” She gave him an apologetic look before making her way to the office space to see what the transmission was about.

“I’ll get started on dinner,” Chakotay told her as he gave the living room one more sweeping glance. He then moved to the kitchen to start working on dinner. He fed Calypso first, then went through various options for meals based on the ingredients they had under hand. After a few minutes, he returned to the office. “Kathryn, how do you feel about-”

Chakotay cut himself off when he noticed Kathryn was sitting still, frowning at her computer. “Something wrong?”

She cleared her throat, as if he’d nudged her out of her daze with his question. Her eyes met his and she shook her head. “See for yourself.” She turned the computer monitor so he could read the letter. She stood to her feet and started pacing while Chakotay slid into her seat. 

_Dear Captain Janeway,_

_the Starfleet Promotion Review Board has recently voted in favor of your candidacy for a promotion. Thus it is with great pleasure and pride that I, as well as my colleagues at Starfleet Admiralty, are pleased to offer you a promotion to the prestigious rank of Vice Admiral. In so doing, we recognize the greatness of your achievements, your resourcefulness, and the strength of your character. It is our belief that you represent the core values that Starfleet stands for – unity, valor, resourcefulness – and as such, we believe Starfleet Command could benefit greatly from your insight and experience._

_Though we have been considering offering you this promotion for several months, in light of recent events and the unfortunate loss of USS Voyager, we believe this might represent an opportune moment for you to take your career in a new direction. We invite you to the admiralty at your convenience to discuss the promotion as well as address any questions or concerns that you might have. We hope you will consider this offer._

_We look forward to hearing from you,_

_Congratulations!_

_Admiral P. Hayes_

“Kathryn, that’s…” Chakotay started, grinning. This was what she’d worked all her life to achieve. “That’s amazing.” He threw her a look. “Isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is. I think. To be honest I’m not sure what to think.”

Chakotay smiled as he watched her resume her pacing. He’d seen her do that so often he’d come to find it endearing.

“I mean, they’re right,” she went on. “Even though Voyager is being rebuilt as we speak and we’re making good progress, it’s going to take a while…” In fact, they were naming it the Phoenix, apparently from something Commander Nobrega had told Kathryn. “And this would be a great opportunity for me, I’ve always believed that one day I would make it there. But I don’t know if I’m ready for it… I mean, a desk job?”

Chakotay caught her hand and pulled her to sit sideways across his lap. She laughed but still snaked her arm around his shoulder. “Not necessarily,” he replied. “I don’t think Admiral Mendez even owns a desk.”

“She works for Starfleet Intelligence. Not my cup of tea.”

“I know, but my point is that _you_ would get to decide what kind of admiral you would be. You would probably have free rein to do as you pleased. So if it means staying here and work on the new ship, then you could do that. If it means going out there, overseeing exploration or scientific missions in space… That would work too. My point is it doesn’t have to be a desk job.”

“True.” She nodded, her fingers grazing the nape of his neck distractedly.

“And I agree with Admiral Hayes,” Chakotay went on. “Starfleet Command could certainly use someone like you, Kathryn. A force for good.”

She smiled, considering. “Admiral Janeway,” she said, as if testing the words out.

“Has a nice enough ring to it.”

“Doesn’t it?” She turned her attention on him. “Are you sure you won’t reconsider? If I take this promotion, the Phoenix is going to need a captain. It’s going to be a great ship,” she added, as if to tempt him.

Chakotay grinned, but shook his head. “As flattering as it is that you would want me for that job, I don’t think so.”

For a while he had entertained the idea that he might actually return to Starfleet and apply for a captaincy, as Kathryn had suggested to him. But the more he’d thought about it, the more it became clear that it wasn’t what he wanted to do anymore. He could still remember that moment on the bridge of Aspire, when he’d realized Jem had brought those five Scavenger ships with her. It had turned his blood cold, and more than that, he’d struggled with the fact that it had been _his_ decision, his mistakes that had led them all here. And the weight of that responsibility, the heaviness of that guilt and pressure... And then he’d turned to find Kathryn actually enjoying herself, egged on by it all, the challenge, the certainty that her crew was behind her a hundred percent.

It had struck Chakotay then: she was born for this.

And it had made him realize that maybe _he_ wasn’t. Oh he had loved being a First Officer on Voyager under her command, and he knew he would probably do a decent job of it if he had become captain, but… all the things he had liked about it –the intellectual and physical challenges, the discovery, the team work – he could very well get all of these things as a civilian. Which was why he’d been considering turning a new leaf and focus on anthropology.

There was also the fact that Admiral Mendez had almost had to twist Starfleet’s arm to make them drop the treason charges against him. He wasn’t a resentful man, but he had to admit, his pride had been bruised by Starfleet’s reluctance to look to the future rather than the past. So he wasn’t particularly keen to make himself subject to Starfleet Command’s whims again.

Kathryn nodded. “I understand. And I was going for flattering,” she added mischievously, raising an eyebrow.

“Were you now?” Chakotay replied in the same tone. “Have you got something to atone for, almost-Admiral Janeway? Or is it that maybe you need something?” He replied suggestively, leaning in to kiss her temple and nuzzle her ear.

She pretended to think about it as her hand traveled further around his shoulder to bring herself closer against him, her lips grazing his ear. “Now that you mention it… There is one thing.”

Chakotay’s throat bobbed at her seductive tone. “Yes?” He managed to croak as his hand traveled to her knee, then up her thigh.

“Dinner,” she deadpanned, slapping his knee once as she pushed to her feet. “You said something about dinner, and now I’m starving.”

Chakotay chuckled, standing up to follow her with a groan. “Or we could just skip altogether,” he said near her ear as they walked, his hand going around her waist.

She laughed, low and seductive. “What happened to that First Officer concern about making sure that I’m properly fed?”

“It goes with the rank, I’m afraid – it’s been officially transferred to Lisa.”

She laughed as they made their way to the kitchen. And as they bantered and laughed and teased, Chakotay couldn’t help but marvel at the way his life continued to surprise him. If choices truly were the hinges of destiny, then he was grateful for the choices that had led him here, in this room, at this moment, with this woman at his side.

Chakotay smiled when he caught Kathryn’s eyes, knowing the bright light of happiness in her eyes was a perfect reflection of his own.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Whew! Thank you for sticking with me until the end! I hope you enjoyed the story, and I hope the final chapters were satisfying! Thank you for reading and a special thanks to everyone who has kudoed or commented! 
> 
> As a side note, I’ve always loved the fact that Kathryn was promoted to Admiral by the time ST Nemesis aired – so about two years after Voyager’s return to the Alpha Quadrant. In fact, I find a lot of inspiration in trying to think about scenarios to explain how it happened, because even though Janeway is clearly ambitious and has always had her sights on the admiralty, I don’t think accepting an admiralty promotion would have been an easy decision for her, given her love of exploration and such. So this is partly why I chose to destroy Voyager in this story – it allowed me to explore one possible reason why she might have accepted a promotion so soon after returning to the AQ. Not having a ship anymore would have definitely made it easier for her to transition, I think! Like I said at the very beginning, I told you I got bold with this one!
> 
> Lastly, I tend to find much inspiration by the music I listen to when I write, and this one was inspired by Muse’s “Endlessly.” The angst of that song…! 
> 
> There's a part in me you'll never know  
> The only thing I'll never show  
> Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly  
> Hopelessly I'll give you everything  
> But I won't give you up  
> I won't let you down  
> And I won't leave you falling  
> If the moment ever comes  
> It's plain to see it's trying to speak  
> Cherished dreams forever asleep  
> Hopelessly I'll love you endlessly  
> Hopelessly I'll give you everything  
> But I won't give you up  
> I won't let you down  
> And I won't leave you falling  
> I hope the moment never comes
> 
> Endlessly by Muse


End file.
